Where We Stood
by ManderBetis
Summary: The right things happen at the wrong time. First love is the hardest to keep and the hardest to let go. Can we ever go back to when it was you and me against the world? Back to where we stood?
1. Chapter 1

New story time, hope you enjoy!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being perfect.

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><p>Spring 2005-<p>

"Go away."

"I'm going to need you to ask me a little nicer."

"Go away please?" I added with a little bat of my eyelashes.

Was I trying to flirt? Was I succeeding?

Did it even matter? This was Edward Masen we were talking about. Of course, it mattered it.

"I'll try again tomorrow," he said with a wink then walked away joining his group of gross boys.

"I wish you wouldn't," I yelled, being greeted with his cute smirk. I just called Edward cute? What in the heck was going on here?

Edward had been asking me to be his girlfriend since the first day of seventh grade. Now we were in eighth and he wasn't giving it up. I don't think I wanted him to anymore.

I had known Edward all my life, we lived a street away from each other and our parents were best friends. Heck, we had been best friends from birth until third grade when Vicki told

me boys had cooties and that Edward was a boy, as if I didn't know that. The next day I avoided him and walked to school with Vicki, only talking to him when he came over with his

parents.

That went on for years until seventh grade, we where in a new school, older, more mature and boys weren't gross anymore. But Edward was, well not my type, not that I really had

one. He was cute, he always had been but he was wicked skinny, had a little acne, greasy out of control hair and spent all day skateboarding. He was kind of a loser and I was not,

not anymore.

I was Bella, friends with everyone, skinny, short, ordinarily pretty and would never be Edward's girlfriend. I had a reputation to uphold and hanging out with him and Riley or James

was the quick ticket to Loserville.

The first time Edward asked me to be his girlfriend, I understood. I was in a trendy, short skirt and looked good; it was the first day of school. He walked over to me at lunch, sitting

down backwards in the chair next to me and said I was pretty but would look better at his table. Serious eye rolling commenced once he walked away with a promise to be back

tomorrow, and he did, everyday. It was annoying and I wasn't always nice with my rejection; I mean he asked me to the girl's choice dance, who does that?

I figured by eighth grade he would have gotten the picture and stopped but he didn't, in fact he stepped up his game. There would be a random bouquet of flowers in my room when I

woke up or he would spend an occasional Saturday fishing with Charlie. Then I would have to hear how great of a young man he was and that he would be the perfect boyfriend. Oh

and he carried my books everywhere, I kind of liked that.

Truthfully, I loved the attention, it was nice to feel wanted but Edward and I weren't going to happen, ever.

But then Vicki noticed James, liked really noticed him. Suddenly we were hanging out at the small skateboarding park where Edward had moved up from skateboarding to a bike and

he was good. While Vicki fawned all over James even though he didn't notice, I started to really look at Edward. He was kind of hot, way hotter than Mike; still lanky but had a little

muscle. I would catch myself drooling when he would take his shirt off if it was really hot. He still had the greasy looking hair, wore the same jeans, plain fitted t-shirt, hat and

sneakers, almost everyday but it was suddenly working for him, or maybe me. I started dreaming about him and looking forward to lunch and his inevitable 'be my girlfriend' spiel.

Then one day I hesitated then nodded and said yes when he asked if I wanted to be in a couple with him? He seemed as surprised as I was, but right then it felt kind of right. I didn't

take it back, even though he looked like he thought I was going to in any minute.

From that day on, Edward walked me to every class and no matter where his class was he managed to meet me at the doorway right after the bell rang. He would hold my hand while

he walked me to and from school and wasn't afraid to kiss me in front of his friends.

He was kind of perfect, for me.

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><p>So what's the verdict? Love it? Hate? Can't wait to hear what you think!<p>

Should I update tomorrow, you tell me!


	2. Chapter 2

The alerts and favorites were way more than I ever imagined so thank you!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

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><p>EPOV Summer 2005-<p>

She finally said yes and I was speechless, who wouldn't be? It was Bella.

And Bella was mine, awesome.

The random Thursday that she said yes was without a doubt the greatest day of my life. I wasn't even prepared for it, after asking her to be my girlfriend for like a year, I was used

to her saying no followed by an eye roll.

But on a random Thursday, I sat down, took my hat off, pulled her tiny hand into mine and asked her to make me the happiest guy in the world. Instead of her immediate no, she

was quiet, biting on her lip, the same lip biting that had been the cause a more than a few hard ons in school. I took a second to ward off another 'uncomfortable situation' and once I

had myself in check, I went to walk off but she didn't let go of my hand. She was smiling and shook her head, just a little but my insides were jumping, she was saying yes, I

thought.

She had turned me down so many times that I a bit skeptical and asked if she wanted, 'to be in a couple with me?' like a complete moron. This time she actually said the word, yes

and squeaked when I pulled her up and into a hug. I whispered that she would never regret it and walked her to social studies.

The next day, I took the long way to school, picked her up with a small bouquet of wild flowers in hand and threw her books in my bag. We were the talk of the school, she was Bella,

the nice girl, the straight A student and was dating me the bmx-ing, mouthy but somehow still a straight A student. She was embarrassed by all the attention so I silently stared down

anyone who looked at us wrong when she couldn't see, she wouldn't have liked that. And she definitely wouldn't have liked when I twisted Mike Newton's wrist behind his back,

shoved him into a locker and told him shut his fucking mouth and take Bella's name out of it. He was telling his boys that Bella was being charitable by dating a loser like me and he

was going to make a move on her. His tuned changed after I roughed him up a bit.

We were the typical couple, so the stares and whispers only lasted a week until some other trivial gossip came up. For the rest of the school year, I proudly walked around on a Bella

high and laughed off jokes about being whipped from my boys because it was true. Most guys would have stopped the flowers, the book carrying or any of the other things I did for

my girl but I wasn't any guy. I didn't wear down Bella for nothing and now I needed to make sure her 'yes' stayed that way. James and Riley would make kissy noises when Bella

would eat lunch with us and fake sob when she didn't. I wasn't that bad, well I hoped not.

My parents were ecstatic that Bella and I were finally an item as my mother called it; she claimed that we were fated for one another, always had been. I didn't usually believe in her

new age bullshit but hell yes, Bella and I were definitely fated for each other.

Our summer was spent at the park, Bella would write or hang out with Vicki while I did my thing and we ate over at each other's house practically every night. My favorite days were

when the sun was really shining and Bella's ridiculously tiny shorts made an appearance. She always looked good but the shorts were really tiny.

When we were a week away from our annual vacation to Disneyworld to visit my retired grandparents my mom called Bella's mother and asked if Bella could come with us. Renee

agreed, she trusted my mother and knew that no funny business would go down, not that we wouldn't try. I couldn't wait to see Bella in a bathing suit, it had been years and Florida

was hot. Disney was the same as it was every year but being there with Bella, it was funner. Both Bella and I blushed when my grandma gushed over how beautiful 'my Bella' was, I

couldn't have agreed more. Her bikini made a few appearances then starred in my dreams and were my private time material. We took a million pictures together because Bella said

we needed to, I usually made a goofy face to fuck with her. It was the best vacation ever.

A month later, Charlie returned the vacation invitation. There wasn't a chance I would turn that down. But this wasn't Florida, this was camping. I was dragged off for a few full days

of fishing, seriously cutting into my time with Bella but I endured and was rewarded with an entire night alone with my girl. Charlie and Renee decided to go off the campground for

dinner leaving Bella and I to attend the ho-down just for teens at the lake. It was lame but Bella looked hot in a too short jean skirt and one of my flannels knotted under her bikini

top, showing off her perfect stomach. It took little convincing to get Bella to sneak back to our site; we made a small fire and ate smores.

It was only nine o'clock when Bella started yawning and wanted to go to bed but I wasn't finished poking at the fire and told her I would be in when I was ready. I didn't think

anything of Bella taking the long stick out of my hand and kissing me hard or when she sat in my lap to deepen the kiss. It wasn't until she whispered for me to take her into the tent

and me telling her again that I wasn't tired, that she spelled it out for me.

"Edward, we are alone so take me in the tent," she said against my neck, wiggling in my lap. I finally got it and jumped up like a fool, almost sending Bella to the ground, luckily for

me she laughed it off and walked me to the tent.

My shy, sweet girlfriend was totally in control, crawling up the air mattress and straddling my thighs. When I was too nervous to move my hands under her shirt and unhook her bra,

she did it for me. She lifted her shirt over her head and snapped me out of my boob daze; she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. We kissed and touched and she rubbed

me over my shorts but neither of us were ready for anything more. Groping was just enough for right now.

"You're my life now," I whispered trying to convey how much I loved her and always had; Bella had stolen my heart before I even knew it. Bella's loud laughter broke me out of my

thoughts, "What?" I asked.

"They were just boobs, Edward." Bella said still laughing, making me laugh right along with her. My declaration did sound a little heavy for two _almost _freshman in high school but it

didn't mean it wasn't true.

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><p>Love? Hate?<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV Spring 2007-<p>

"You're the prettiest girl in here," Edward whispered into my ear, nuzzling his face in my neck. His touch sent a shiver through my body; I should have been used to that by now.

"You're the prettiest boy in here," I whispered back, angling my head up, giving him more room to kiss away.

"You two are the most fucking annoying people in here. Shut up," my best friend Vicki said, most likely a little jealous that even a year later and James had never made a move on

her. I glared over at Vicki, trying to give her my meanest face but failed miserably, the entire table just laughed at me, even Edward. I wriggled my way out of his arms because there

was no way I would be snuggled close to him while he laughed at me.

"Hey, get back over here," he said while pulling me back to him but I was pmsing and bitchy so I pushed him away.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it appears as though there is finally a crack and the Swan/Masen house of love."

"Yes James, it looks like it. I'm betting there will need to be some groveling performed and a little bit of dazzling done to repair the damage."

"Fuck off, assholes," Edward said giving James and Riley his meanest face and I'll admit it was a little more intimidating than mine and a whole lotta sexy. His face was always too

cute to resist and his arms were the place I felt the most loved so I squirmed myself back into his embrace, kissing his lips one, two, three times.

"Damage repaired," Edward muttered between kisses while giving his two best friends the finger. He was so awesome and we were totally going to do it today.

"You're really going to have sex, today?"

"Yes, it's our anniversary, it's the perfect time; plus Mrs. Masen has chorus after school until five."

It was technically our two-year anniversary but as Edward liked to say, we had been together since we were born.

"Well you need to wear sexy underwear, Cosmo says guys love that." I looked over at her in disbelief, where'd she get a Cosmo? "What? My mom has a subscription."

I looked in my top drawer and searched through all the underwear I owned, there was nothing that screamed sexy. I was fifteen and a half, how was I going to get sexy underwear? I

grabbed a pair of plain white ones with a little bow, the matching bra and the tightest, cutest t-shirt I could find and ran to the bathroom to change.

Legs were shaved, hair was down and wavy just as Edward liked; I was all ready to seduce my boyfriend. I walked into Edward's house without knocking; I never did, and started up

the steps to the tv room where I knew Edward would be playing Playstation with James. Vicki was waiting downstairs and hoping James would walk her home, leaving Edward and I

alone.

"Hey guys," I said announcing myself. Neither of them even turned my way, they could play for hour's non-stop. I walked over to the couch and sat as close as possible to Edward,

trying to distract him. He barely took his eyes off the game to give me a quick peck on the lips.

"James, Vicki is waiting downstairs," I said, trying to get James to leave, it was already three forty-five. I didn't know much about sex but I knew I didn't want to rush it.

"So?"

"She doesn't want to walk home alone."

He muttered another 'So?' He was so obnoxious, Edward never let me walk anywhere alone, he liked to make sure that I always safe.

"James, be a gentleman and walk her home," I said as sweetly as possible, he was starting to piss me off.

"No."

"James, go walk Vicki home now," I punctuated each word to stress the fact that he needed to go now.

"Are you kidding me?" I nodded with a smile, disbelief was written all over his face but he put down his controller and grabbed his bag.

"See ya man," Edward said to James but was looking at me. "What was that all about?"

"Do you know what today is?" I got up and threw in the movie was on top of the pile, we needed some background noise. Maybe I should have thought about that ahead of time and

picked a sexy movie like Tomb Raider, Edward loved that movie.

"Wednesday?"

"Yeah, but what else?"

"I don't know?"

"Edward, it's our anniversary!"

"Really? Oh right the eleventh."

"The thirteenth," I nearly growled, how could he forget this? It happened every month for the last two years, if he kept this up there would be no sex going on today. I needed to start

my 'let's have sex' plan before he got me too irritated to do it. I kicked off my shoes and kind of snuggled into his side and started kissing his neck. He loved when I did that and as

always he responded with a little groan.

It didn't take long for his hands to find their way into my jeans Edward loved fingering me. We had both pretty much done everything except sex, I needed to subtly hint that I

wanted more today. I didn't want to actually say the words, so I strategically tried to shimmy my too tight jeans down but they got stuck. I would come back to them later.

I turned my attention to his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping, and right when I slipped my hand through the opening of his boxers Edward asked what I was doing between kisses. As

if it wasn't obvious enough.

"I want you," I whispered in my sexiest voice, well hopefully it was sexy. I stroked him up and down a few times before pushing down his boxers; this should have been the major

clue here, hopefully.

"Bella?" Edward said it the sexiest voice ever, I wished I could have sounded like that a few seconds ago.

"Yea?"

"You want to have ... sex?" He asked in the most adorably, awkward way. I was hoping he would get all of my hints but I was actually going to have to say it.

"Yes."

"Really?" he squeaked. He totally squeaked!

I nodded and even though he had to yank my jeans off, he was back on top of me completely naked within seconds. It was good to know he could move fast when it was for

something he wanted.

I had the foresight to wear my only front clasp bra; I had seen Edward struggle too many times. And just like every other time he had seen or touched my boobs, he looked at them

like there were magical or something, I liked it. He kissed, nipped, rubbed me until we were both ready.

I didn't need to go any further just having him, his bare skin and body over mine was enough. But I had no doubt that that wouldn't be enough for Edward and I wanted to give him

everything, so I spread my legs a little wider, letting him settle closer into me.

"I don't have a condom," he whispered, his body perfectly aligned with mine, in every way.

Damn, why hadn't I thought about that? I remembered hearing somewhere that you couldn't get pregnant your first, it seemed plausible to me.

"It's our first time, it's okay, go."

"Yeah?" he asked, making sure it was really okay, he was so sweet like that. I could see how bad he wanted me, how could I have said no to his adorable _please say yes_ face.

I nodded, giving him permission while biting on my lower lip; it was my nervous habit. Edward said it made him hard every time, I did it a lot after he told me that.

He slipped in, faster than I was hoping, and we both groaned in unison, his was probably from pleasure mine not so much. It hurt but it wasn't that rip your insides open hurt that I

was ready for, people totally over exaggerated that. It didn't feel good but I don't think your first time is supposed to so I kind of just laid there.

His kisses stopped, but he looked me in the eyes; I could see how good this felt for him and that was enough for me.

He started moving; there was no set rhythm, maybe because there was no music to move to? I had some research to do for next time. His movements continued to be rather jerky

but I could see how it could be good, you know after the burning went away.

I wasn't sure about what I was supposed to do but remembered another helpful hint from Vicki and Cosmo; I ran my nails, gently down his back. Edward grunted, it was so hot, and

did some weird twitch thing collapsing on me. He really liked the nail thing; I would store that away for next time.

Wait.

It was over?

Really?

I looked over at the clock, it was only four-thirteen, James had only been gone for less than a half hour and it took awhile to get to the actual sex. Well at least he looked really sexy

and really happy; my body did that to him. We were both quiet for a few moments before he raised his head, his eyes once again meeting mine.

"Err, I'm sorry," he apologized, while still, like, inside of me.

Awkward.

"It's okay," I said rubbing my hands up and down his back, trying to make him feel better. We both shouldn't feel like crap right now.

He slowly slipped out, but stayed on top on me, I never wanted him to move. He was heavy but again just being over me was enough.

After he apologized a few more times, promised it would be better next time and started kissing me everywhere when I felt something slowly ooze out of me.

We were naked on the couch that his parents watched Jeopardy on every night after dinner, no evidence could be found. I pushed him off me, not wanting his, you know, jizz to get

anywhere. All Edward could do was laugh after I explained why I shoved him, he actually said that it could be like him marking his territory; his jizz smell would keep other guys

away. He was such a perv and so perfect and adorable I couldn't help but kiss him again and again before making my way to the bathroom.

I cleaned myself up only to find a gross thick red tinge mess going on down there.

Sex sucked.

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><p>Love it? Hate? Can't wait to hear what you think!<p>

Was this how your first time went down? My was rather similar and less than fabulous!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being the best all around!

* * *

><p>EPOV Summer 2007-<p>

Sex is awesome; best thing ever, well after the first time. I still say the early release wasn't my fault, she felt amazing. I just needed to practice, practice, practice to become

desensitized to how fucking awesome she felt.

I might have blown it the first time and truthfully a few more times after that. But eventually, I could last longer than two minutes and Bella didn't look like I was slowly jabbing her

with a butter knife or some shit.

Between learning to hold off from coming on the drop of a dime and the nifty little tip, I learn from a magazine I stole from Vicki's house. Whenever I was ready blow my load, I

brought my hand between us and did a little fiddling around until she was falling over the edge with me. I owed a huge motherfucking thank you Cosmo.

So needless to say, the sex got awesome and I wanted it all the time.

We became pros at finding ways to get around the almost constant adult supervision between our two houses and became well acquainted with a little meadow behind our houses. We

wouldn't have had a second to ourselves once our parents knew we were having sex, that shit would have seriously cramped our getting it on time so we kept it to ourselves.

I wanted Bella all the goddamn time and I loved her with my whole heart as corny as that sounded. I would be nothing without her by my side and everyone knew it. There was no

Edward without Bella, Bella without Edward. We were the 'it' couple at school, no one talked about one of us without mentioning the other. I went from the 'bad boy' to Bella's

boyfriend I didn't do anything different except be wherever she was and do whatever she wanted.

Bella and I's sexual relationship was a little slow to start compared to some of the kids in school but it worked for us.

We had only technically been together for ten months but I always told Bella that we had been together from the start. I came up with that shit about four months after we really got

together because I wanted finger fuck her so bad. She said that it was too soon; we needed to get to know each other better.

Yeah, fuck that. My Rico Sauvé line got my hands in her pants fifteen minutes later. Pretty fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.

You know what was even better? Bella's mouth on me, it wasn't her favorite thing but if I gave it to her good, really good she was usually willing, even more so if I used my tongue.

Bella owned my ass, not that, that was anything new and I had no problem admitting that. My friends had no problem letting me know that I was pussy whipped. James and Riley

were just jealous motherfuckers, they weren't getting any pussy. But I didn't give a shit, if I was them, I would have hated on me to.

Bella and I, we were going to be that clichéd love story just like our parents. They all grew up in Forks, dated in high school and eventually got married, that's what I wanted with my

girl.

I could see us ten years from now living in some sick house with a housekeeper because we're both fucking messy. I would be a famous BMX-er like Dave Mirra, Bella would be a

bestselling author, pregnant with our first of three children and she would look beautiful. It was going to be perfect but right now, I was young and all I wanted to do was meet my

girl in our meadow and fuck the shit outta her. I needed to utilize the still warm weather and the last few days before Bella and I started our junior year.

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><p>Love it? Hate? Can't wait to hear what you think!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for attempting to read a vampfic for me, that's love!

* * *

><p>BPOV Fall 2007-<p>

"You're not seriously trying out are you?" I asked Edward, walking home after school.

"Hell yes." We were at his front door and his parents wouldn't be home for like two or three hours so without words we both knew what we would be doing. I let him pull me in his

house, straight to the kitchen. Edward claimed to be a growing boy who needed a second lunch to help him grow but honestly he was still super skinny, almost as skinny as me. I

probably just needed to lose weight or something.

"Why?"

"Because Newton is a douche, need to knock him down a notch," Edward explained while pulling out all the fixings for one of his 'famous' sandwiches. It was just a ham and cheese

with mayo, nothing famous about it but the fact that he actually could make them. Mike Newton had become the bane of Edward's existence. Everyone knew it including Mike himself;

so of course, this had something to do with him. Edward was so easy going unless Mike was involved. I kind of hoped that our junior year would be different but apparently not. I had

no idea what sparked the dislike but Mike always did little things to get under his skin. And Edward would say silly things like I was fraternizing with the enemy when I had to do an

art project with him last spring, it was stupid.

I wanted to tell him that he had never played football and trying out for the varsity team seemed a little crazy, no matter how much of an asshole Mike was being. And I was kind of

selfish; I didn't want to lose anymore time with Edward. He was always riding and practicing, not that I minded too much, I loved watching him but still. Between school, riding and

now football, when would have time for me?

I decided that telling him he would look like a fool wasn't the way to go but I knew something that would work. I ate my sandwich and dragged him upstairs; I still had enough time to

work my magic. He let me throw him on his bed with a smirk on his face, we both knew what was about to go down. Sitting at his desk, I bent down to untie my sneakers knowing

that he was getting a good glimpse down my shirt.

"So here's the thing Edward, I don't want you to play football," I said in my most seductive voice. I had totally grown up since we started having sex, I actually had a seductive voice

now and he loved it, a lot.

As I got up, unbuttoning my jeans then shimmying them down my legs and kicking them to the side he asked, "Why Bella," mirroring my tone, playing along. I sat down on his lap,

chest to chest, lips to lips. He raised his arms over his head, letting me take off his shirt then I did the same. I was left just in my bra and panties and he couldn't take his eyes off

me, I had him just where I wanted him.

"If you play football, you will have to practice at least three days a week after school," I said tilting my head to the side, giving Edward more room to kiss and lick. "Then games on

Friday nights or Saturday, we'd have no time alone," I whisper-gasped as his mouth lightly bit down on my nipple through my bra and his fingers tried to get rid of it all together.

"We'd have no time to do this." He struggled with the hooks then gave up, roughly pulling it up and off so his lips could go back to where I wanted them the most. "Plus you need to

start training for Moses Lake this spring," I knew bringing up the riding competition he wanted to so badly win, would do it, if my boobs and sex didn't.

"You're so fucking smart and hot, baby, you know that?" He asked pushing me back, laying me down, ridding me of the last of my clothes and stripping the rest of his off.

We didn't speak any other words besides a 'baby', here and a 'fuck', there.

And he never uttered the word football again.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Update tonight or tomorrow, you tell me :)


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for wanting to meet me halfway and read ff :)

* * *

><p>BPOV February 2008-<p>

"Oh god, what is that smell?" I asked, feeling sick to my stomach the moment I sat down.

"What smell baby?" Edward asked, rubbing my back. This wasn't the first time he had to comfort me when I wasn't feeling well but lately it had happened a few times.

Right now was different; I wasn't nauseous because of the bad chicken I ate or being carsick. I wanted to vomit it all over the table because of someone's perfume, someone's

disgusting smelling perfume.

"I'm gonna be sick," I announced, running from the table towards the bathroom. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the bathroom or a garbage bin; instead, I threw up all over the

floor right next to the bin in front of the entire school, just fabulous. I didn't look up, heck no did I want to see all eyes on me while I looked disgusting; I had to look it because I

certainly felt like it.

"Baby, you okay?" Edward asked from behind me.

"Bella? That is so gross, you okay?" Vicki asked. She had just gotten to my side and another wave of nausea rolled through me; it was her, she had just sat down next to me.

Whatever perfume she had on was the most vile, rank smell I had ever smelled. I dashed for the bathroom; there was no way I would throw up on front of everyone again.

The smells in the bathroom didn't help my cause but I managed to not vomit again. With my hands on the sink, I breathed in and out through my mouth, trying to stop the

dizziness.

"Wow, you're green Bella," Vicki said walking into the bathroom a few minutes later.

"Don't come any closer," I shouted frantically, not wanting to smell whatever she had on. I splashed water on my face, looking in the mirror; I did look pale, sick and exhausted.

"What the hell, I just came to check on you."

"Sorry, it's just well; your perfume makes my stomach turn."

"Seriously? It's Britney Spears it doesn't smell bad," she said still walking towards me.

"No, I'm serious just the thought makes me want to blow chunks again." Just saying the words made her stop, thank god, there was nothing left in my stomach to expel.

"You've been sick a lot lately maybe you should go to the doctor or something."

"Yeah, maybe I should," I said letting a deep breath out. I was starting to feel better_._

"Ohh or maybe you're preggers. When my aunt was pregnant with my baby cousin she always threw up because of the smell of food. Well, I gotta get to class, Edward's waiting outside."

I couldn't even say bye or wave, the moment she said it, pregnant, my brain couldn't move on from that. I couldn't be pregnant; I was only a junior in high school, I didn't even

have an after school job.

I needed Edward, he always had a way of making everything okay, I grabbed my jacket and found him sitting by the stairs looking worried.

"Baby, you look awful," he said wrapping his arm around me. I felt marginally better by just being in his arms but I really need to go home and not move. "I talked to Ms. Cope; I

can drive you home but have a test in Spanish, so I have to come back." I nodded in agreement as he guided me out to his car, I felt like a walking zombie. My mind was going a

mile a minute, freaking the heck out, could I really be pregnant. Our parents would kill us; we were only sixteen years old.

I laid my head against the cold window and closed my eyes trying to remember when my last period was. The only thing coming to mind was a week or two before Christmas.

Holy shit Christmas? It was almost Valentine's Day, that was like over two months ago.

"Can we stop?" I asked hastily was we almost passed Chinook's.

Edward pulled up to the curb, asking what I needed and if he could go in for me. The only thing I could think of was ginger ale to help soothe my stomach and promised him I was

fine to go in by myself.

I walked up and down a few aisles before I found the pregnancy test, which were to the left of the condoms, how fitting. I grabbed the test promising ninety-nine percent accuracy

and walked with my head down and my hood on. The last thing I needed was someone see me buying a pregnancy test, my father would know in minutes, Edward would be dead

within the hour.

Thankfully the cashier didn't say a word except the total; I gave her the ten-dollar bill, waited for the change and stuffed the test into my jacket. I didn't want Edward to see it, no

need for the both of us to worry.

Edward sped to my house holding my hand the entire way; he was giving me comfort that he didn't even know I needed. I kissed him hard before he left; I loved him so much no

matter what the stupid test said. He promised to be back as soon as he could with some ginger ale since the pharmacy didn't have any. I had to come up with something considering

I walked out of the store without anything. I told him I loved him just as I always did and ran into the house, wanting to get this over with now.

I peed on a stick; I was too young to be peeing on sticks.

I made a silent promise to whatever god was listening that if this was negative that Edward and I would use condoms and I would get on birth control as soon as humanly possible.

Three minutes.

The longest three minutes of my life.

Once the clock said it was time I walked over to the sink, so afraid to look down but finally did.

Oh man.

* * *

><p>So is she or isn't she?<p>

Had the worst day, like the worst of worsts so cheer me up!


	7. Chapter 7

Happy belated Canada Day! I wanted to update yesterday but wasn't able to use my computer so my apologies!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being my favorite Canadian eva!

* * *

><p>EPOV February 2008-<p>

It was Valentine's Day and I was going all out for my girl. I wanted to make tonight perfect for her. She was my

everything and she deserved nothing less than everything I had. Unfortunately, I didn't have much so hopefully

dinner made by yours truly, her favorite chocolates and the house alone to ourselves was enough.

Bella had been all over the place the last few days, fine one minute then bitching the next. It was probably her

'time of the month'. A little research told me that sex helped ease cramps, she would love me even more if I could

do something to take away her discomfort.

I wanted to be all gentlemanly so I dressed my a red button down shirt, tamed my hair down and walked next

door to pick up my girl. I knocked, hoping Chief Swan wasn't the one to open the door; he would give me

unending shit about my shirt. My prayers were answered when my favorite girl opened the door, looking

beautiful but slightly underdressed for the special dinner I had planned. Truthfully I didn't care what she was

wearing it would eventually come off but at least she was festive with her pink heart pajama pants and pink

hoodie. I let her climb on my back and carried her back to my house; apparently she was too lazy to get dressed

or put on shoes.

She immediately dug into her box of candy, complimenting all the red heart decorations I put up. Everything was

going as planned until dinner was served; she just stared down at her plate. She was definitely having an off

night; I knew that the second she opened her front door and left without her camera. I hoped she wasn't still

feeling sick, I hated seeing her mope around.

"Do you like it?" I asked referring to her untouched grilled cheese.

"I think I'm pregnant."

With those four words my head snapped up, my eyes meeting hers, she looked scared as fuck, I was scared as

fuck. All I wanted to know was if she liked the slightly burnt grilled cheese not hear that she might be pregnant.

We both sat there in silence, I couldn't take my eyes off her and she couldn't look my way.

Pregnant?

We could be having a baby? That would seriously throw a wrench into our graduating and escaping this shithole

and moving to New York or LA plans.

After way too long, I realized she wasn't going to say another word, it was all up to me but what was there to

say without knowing for sure. I stood up and went to grab my jacket and keys.

"Where are you going?" Bella asked obviously frightened by my leaving; I was just going to get a pregnancy

test.

"Chinooks, Bella we need to know if you are or not, I'm going to buy a pregnancy test." I had only been dealing

with this for minutes; Bella for god knows how long, I couldn't deal

with the uncertainty, I didn't know how she had been.

"Well," she said slowly, looking up at me with her big, sad, scared brown eyes.

"Well, what baby?" I was trying not to lose my patience with her but I could have been in my car and halfway to

a definitive answer by now.

"I already took a test or two," Bella said quietly still not actually looking at me.

Okay, she had taken a test or two, but she wasn't sure, that didn't make an ounce of sense. Getting information

from her was like taking blood from a rock, she needed to get on with it.

"And?"

"They were both positive," she admitted, nervously playing with the hem of her hoodie and biting her lip. For the

first time ever the lip biting didn't have an effect on my dick.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"I wanted to try another one but didn't have anymore money and I'm fairly certain the result would have been

the same." I just nodded; I couldn't speak, at all. I had no words, shit I could barely even breathe right now.

"Do you hate me?" she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

I blinked at her question, what kind of question was that? I could never hate her, not for anything. My lack of

response was obviously worrying her, I needed to cut my unresponsive bullshit and comfort her. I dropped my

jacket and keys, just realizing that I had been standing near the front door for quite awhile, not moving and

barely breathing. I pulled Bella up from the spot she was stuck in and wrapped my arms around her, she needed

me and honestly, I needed her.

"I could never hate you, never. I love you, baby," I murmured into her hair, kissing her scrunched forehead. I

wanted to kiss away her worries but the reality was that no kisses or words were going to fix this.

"I love you too," she whispered, squeezing me tighter.

My brain was reeling, what was our next step? I mean we had no idea how far along she was, hell I didn't even

know if she wanted to keep it. I couldn't imagine not keeping it but the choice was hers.

Instead of talking, making a plan like we should have done; we did the most inappropriate act of any pregnant

teenage couple. We walked upstairs hand in hand to my room and had sex.

In fact, we didn't address the elephant in the room again but after I walked her back home and kissed

her goodnight, it was the only thing on my mind.

I wanted to wonder how we got ourselves into this mess but there was no guessing we chose to have sex, a

lot, and relied on no protection, but only the flimsy belief that going by her period and not coming inside her

would be enough.

So much for pulling out, that was really fucking effective. To think, we were worried about asking our parents for

condoms or birth control, I'm fairly certain the whole Bella's pregnant conversation was going to be slightly more

uncomfortable.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can anyone relate to these kids?

I can and sadly my sister has two friends who are pregnant and she's just out of 9th grade!


	8. Chapter 8

Happy 4th! Hopefully you're having a fabulous day outside, I'm going to a carnival and fireworks!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV March 2008-<p>

"So?"

"Yea?"

"We should talk."

Yes, we did have to talk but did I want to talk. No, I didn't, I wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend nothing was wrong.

I didn't want to be pregnant.

I didn't want to talk about having a baby.

I wanted to be kissing my boyfriend.

I wanted to be hanging out with my friends.

But Edward's mom would be home from choir practice soon and we wouldn't have the privacy this conversation called for.

"One question before we go any further and don't get mad at me okay?" Edward asked looking rather guilty. I swear if he was going to ask me if this thing was his I would punch

him. I quirked my eyebrow at him, my fist already clenched.

"Are we keeping it? You know… the baby." He leaned in and whispered the last part, as if I had no idea what was going on. I didn't throw a punch even though I still wanted to, for

no reason.

I hadn't really thought about getting an abortion, the thought didn't even cross my mind until now. I couldn't imagine actually going through with it but our little problem would be

solved.

I could barely think the word _baby_ without hyperventilating, could I really be a mother? Could I drive two hours, get an abortion and act like nothing happened?

"Do you want to keep it?" I countered, not wanting this major life decision to fall solely on me, this affected him too.

"It's not my body, Bella. It's ultimately up to you," he tried to reason with me. But right now I was unreasonable, fist were clenched again ready to swing.

"It affects the both of us, Edward."

He took a deep breath in and blew it out; he obviously didn't want to say the wrong thing. "Well, I will support you no matter what but if it was me I wouldn't be able to do it," he

answered honestly.

"Me neither," I said immediately without thinking but it was true, I didn't think I could go through with it.

"So we're having a baby."

"Yeah, I guess so." The word baby was still off limits for me, it made it far too real.

Edward got off the couch, took the few steps to me and bent down in front of me, taking my sweaty hands in his sweaty hands.

"Isabella Swan, will you marry me?" he asked, nervously. I looked down; he wasn't even on one knee, not that it mattered right now, I was being proposed to.

I was being proposed to because I was pregnant, not because he loved me so much he couldn't imagine living another day without me as his wife. Fists were clenched again and this

time they were on the move, making contact with his jaw. His head jerked back, not from the sheer force of my swing because there was none, it was simply a knee jerk reaction to

his shitty, not on one knee proposal. Once I realized that I actually had hit him, I gasped loud enough for the both of us and grabbed his face, kissing him hard. Like that would

make up for hitting him.

"That's a no right?" he asked laughing against my lips, I had to laugh to.

"Edward, you will ask me to marry you one day but it will not be because I'm pregnant. And I'm so sorry for hitting you, it just happened."

"It's okay, but just so you're aware I don't condone hitting our kid that shit won't fly with me." Edward joked, trying to lighten up the ridiculousness of this conversation. I let him

pull me up and put me on his lap, being tucked under his chin was my safest place.

"Stop being funny, this is serious."

"Baby, if I don't laugh I'm going to cry."

"I've cried a lot," I admitted with tears in my eyes. Everything about this situation was so screwy. I wanted a proposal and Edward's baby but not now, ten years from now would

have been great.

"Well now you can cry to me or with me but not alone. We're in this together, I promise." His lips ghosted over my forehead, I loved when he did that. I whispered how much I loved

him, that one day we would be married and so happy. I only wanted to focus on the good things that would eventually come while he wanted to figure out the here and now. That

was just us, him practical, me not so much.

"I think we should tell my mom first, she will be the most calm, I think," he said effectively ending our little make out session. I agreed, not that Mrs. Masen would be thrilled to be a

grandmother but she was the most laid back person I knew. "But I should probably get a job before we tell our parents. I'll look more responsible and shit."

"Good idea, what kind of job?"

"I have no experience, skills or drive to do anything except you and Playstation so probably a greeter at Thriftway," he said totally serious. "And the Moses Lake competition is

probably out of the question now."

While he was right about the lack of experience and skills, he was wrong about his drive. We had plans to graduate, run off to New York City so I could become a big time writer and

he could be famous bmx-er. Our plans would certainly be on hold for a while but we would get there, I had no doubt. We were too big for this small town; we were destined for more

than what our parents had.

"No, you love riding, you're going and I will be there cheering you on like always, this doesn't change our goals. And I guess I could get a job too, at least until this thing is out," I

muttered, gesturing down to my stomach, where the thing was. I needed to get over the phobia of saying _baby_ because we were having one in nine months or so, I guess we

needed to find out how pregnant I was.

"Bella, I want to tell you that you don't have to work and that I will take care of the three of us but I'm seventeen that shit isn't going to happen any time soon."

We were both laughing so hard we could barely breathe when Edward's mom walked in. We had been caught being this cozy plenty of times before but now it felt different, like we

were actually doing something wrong. I kind of jumped off his lap and landed on the couch next to him, feeling like an idiot.

"Oh look at you two lovebirds, looks like I came home right before a serious make out session, will you be staying for dinner Bella?" She asked, smiling at us. She always got that

same dreamy face whenever we were holding hands or sitting close, I knew she loved me like her very own daughter and loved that we were together.

"Actually mom, we're going to fill out applications at Thriftway is that okay?" Edward asked, tugging me off the couch and kind of dragging me to the front door.

"My babies want to get jobs, always so responsible, of course," she said kissing Edward then me on the cheek. Hopefully she would be so understanding when the whole pregnancy

thing came out.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!

I'm on Twitter- ManderBetis Find me :)


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for sending me a best friends bracelet today! I love her :)

* * *

><p>BPOV March 2008-<p>

"You are now looking at the newest Masen Mechanics assistant," Edward announced proudly from my bedroom door.

"Assistant? What does that entail?" I watched as Edward walked into my room, like it was his own. He dropped his jacket on floor and laid across my bed, his smirk was adorable.

"I have to order parts, clean up, book appointments, basically I'm my dad's bitch." he bragged, clearly proud of himself, as if he didn't get the job because it was his dad's garage.

"Well awesome," I said getting antsy and starting to fidget.

We had agreed that we would put off telling our parents about the whole baby thing once we had jobs and in two short day's, we both had found jobs.

Edward was working for his dad's business and I would be a cashier and coffee drink maker at the new café in town. My job was going to be interesting considering I wanted to

vomit all over the place due to the coffee smell hopefully I'd become immune. That probably wouldn't happen because Vicki's disgusting albeit expensive perfume still made me want

to gag. Edward and I had spent our last two lunch periods in the library just to avoid her and her stink.

"So we have jobs now," I said still watching him as I sat at my desk.

Edward had everything planned out; it was just his way where I would prefer to let things go naturally. He wanted to tell our parents as soon as possible where as I wouldn't have

minded waiting until my belly popped out, that way I wouldn't have to sit them down and break their hearts.

"That we do, are you ready to tell them?"

"No."

"Bella, you know we have to. Let's eat at my house tonight my dad is working late so it will be just my mom and us."

"Okay, will you do all the talking?" I asked lying down next to him, settling into his side. He nodded his head and wrapped his arm around me; luckily, no one was home to interrupt

us.

"I was just going to call you, dinner's ready," Mrs. Masen said as we walked into the kitchen. The table was already set so we sat down, both of us fidgeting with our napkins. She

brought out a plate of some kind of meat that I definitely wouldn't be eating, baked potatoes and corn.

She dug right in but Edward and I didn't move. There was no way we could wait until dinner was over to tell her. I looked over at Edward and gave him the universal _get on with_

look. He nodded taking a deep breath, and cleared his throat; he looked like he was going to be sick.

"Mom, can we talk?"

"Absolutely, anything wrong?" she said in between bites.

"Yeah, well… it's just… we kinda have…" Edward stuttered, so much for his practiced speech.

"I'm pregnant and we got jobs," I shouted out, he was obviously getting us nowhere. Although my outburst did lack a certain finesse that Edward's speech would have probably had.

The room fell silent, completely silent, I'm pretty sure none of us were breathing or moving. I let me eyes move towards Edward's mom and saw what could only be described as

shocked, sad and most likely very disappointed.

"What?" she whispered eventually.

"I'm going to be working at the garage," Edward said as if that was what his mother was so stunned about.

"That's great sweetie, I need a minute," she muttered as she stood up from the table and walked back into the kitchen.

"Do you think when she said that's great, she was referring to the, you know," I asked foolishly pointing at my stomach. Edward shook his and started to talk but Mrs. Masen came

back in and sat down. I'm pretty sure she had tears in her eyes but I couldn't actually look at her to see.

"First I want to tell you both that there is nothing you could say that would make me love for either of you any less and whatever happens, we will get through this."

With that, the three of us exhaled loudly and continued eating dinner.

Elizabeth asked a million questions that we had no answers to, like were we keeping it? How far along was I? Did I have a doctor yet?

When she realized that we in fact had no answers, she promised that she would help us every step of the way. She never made us feel as shitty as we were making ourselves feel.

She told us that she was disappointed as any parent would be but knew that if any young couple could handle it, it would be us.

I had my doubts but with Edward by my side, I would try my hardest.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Would you react like Esme? And what do you think Charlie and Renee's reaction will be?


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being available by text when I am forced to visit lame ass friends!

* * *

><p>BPOV March 2008-<p>

When Liz offered to be with us when we told my parents, to hopefully soften the blow, I said no. This was something I needed to do on my own. Edward walked me home after the hour long talk and

promised to call me before bed. I walked into my house with what felt like a stormy rain cloud looming over my head, I resolved to just talk to my mom tonight. I found her upstairs, lying in the fetal position

on her bed.

"Mom, you okay?" I asked, trying not to startle her, luckily she was still awake.

"Yeah, baby just have cramps nothing I can't live through," she said with a giggle. My mother was the queen of dramatics when it came to any pain she had zero tolerance.

I lay down next to her, feeling an overwhelming sense of jealousy that she was the one with cramps.

Our positions should have been changed; my life would have been so much easier. We watched some game show together in silence, I needed to take the ripping off a band-aid

approach and just do it. Before any words came out tears streamed down my face and the loud sniffle didn't go unnoticed by her.

"Bella, what's wrong," Renee asked not taking her eyes off the television.

"Mom, I'm pregnant," I said quietly with tears already streaming down my face.

I waited for some kind of reaction but there was none. I finally looked over to her and wasn't met with the same sad, supportive but disappointed look of Mrs. Masen.

"Mom?"

"Isabella?" she said in an unusually firm voice.

"I'm pregnant," I said again. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, right now, it seemed as though she didn't hear me or just didn't care.

"I heard you, we will take care of it," she said and quickly turned back to the television.

I was stunned where was the, I love you but am so angry with you speech? Her no reaction felt worse than an outburst.

"I was hoping you could help me tell dad," I tired taking our non-conversation in a different direction.

"We won't be telling your father, he would be so angry at you, so hurt and embarrassed."

Right then I knew what she meant by 'we will take care of it'. Once I told her that we wouldn't be taking care of anything there certainly would be some screaming.

"I'm not taking care of it," I whispered, hoping my sad little voice would be enough to hold off a serious freak out but I was wrong. She immediately jumped up, glaring a hateful

stare at me. With her finger pointed at me as she yelled that, no one was going to disgrace our familie's name and reputation by becoming a sad statistic.

I choose to ignore the rant because there was nothing that could be said to change my mind. I didn't have my head up my ass, as she said, I knew that this wouldn't be easy, it

would be a constant struggle but that's what we, Edward and I were going to do.

She laughed at me, said I was too young to have a baby, too naïve if I believed that Edward would stick around. I cried, she screamed more; I stormed out slamming her door

behind me as she yelled that 'mature adults don't slam doors.' I screamed back that I had seen her do that exact same thing weeks ago as she fought with Charlie about

redecorating the kitchen.

I cried myself to sleep, ignored Edward's call and wished that I could take back the last few hours.

I couldn't though, this was my life and I needed to face it.

I showered the next morning, trying to at least look human for school. I poured a bowl of cereal but two bites in realized that it wouldn't settle well and threw it down the drain.

"Morning," Charlie said turning on the coffee pot as I put in a slice of bread in the toaster. Hopefully toast wouldn't have me running for the bathroom.

I tried to gage Charlie's mood, he seemed to be his quiet self, I wondered what my mom told him. I lightly buttered my toast and sat in my usual seat. I could hear Renee moving

around upstairs and hoped I would be out the door before she came down.

Charlie sat down across from me and in an instant, I was running for the bathroom. Coffee definitely didn't agree with me.

Once my stomach was empty and my teeth were brushed again, I walked back into the kitchen to see both Renee and Charlie sitting at the table, both staring at me. I tried to fake a

smile and hoped they both ignored the retching sounds that were just coming out of me. I wasn't so lucky.

"Bells, you okay?" Charlie asked looking concerned.

I wasn't sure how to say it and after Renee's reaction, I wasn't sure just blurting it out was the way to go.

"She's fine just pregnant, right sweetie?" She had such a phony smile on as she stood up and walked towards me. For a second I thought she was going to yell like last night but

instead she cheerfully said "and she's keeping it" as she rubbed my belly before walking back upstairs.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the kitchen, both Charlie and I shocked and at a complete loss for words. She said it so casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world, to

be sixteen and pregnant. And then I realized that he didn't already know, that my mother just announced I was pregnant and walked out of the room. I looked up and saw the

disappointment in his eyes, in his slight frown.

"Bells?" he said uncharacteristically low voice, looking at his cup of coffee instead of me.

"I'm so sorry dad," I whispered with tears falling faster than I could wipe them away.

Without another word Charlie dropped his coffee into the sink, walked pasted me and out the door.

* * *

><p>Did Renee react the way you would have? What about Charlie?<p>

Love it? Hate?

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

Oh look two updates in one day :) Feel free to reward me!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for wanting to make my ABFF jealous :)

* * *

><p>Charlie POV 2008-<p>

I loved my little girl more than anything; she had been my pride and joy since the moment she came into the world. She was always a straight A student, never missed curfew and

never talked back. She was the 'perfect' daughter and until this morning, Bella could do no wrong in my eyes.

But now my extremely pissed wife, our best friends of the last twenty years and I were discussing grandchildren at thirty-seven years old. It felt like yesterday when she ran to greet

me after a long day at work and now my little girl was pregnant and only sixteen.

This kind of thing didn't happen to people like us.

"Listen, we don't want to sit here and argue over everything but you can't force Bella to have an abortion, this is happening, whether any of us like it or if they are ready for it,"

Elizabeth said frustrated.

I wished I could have seen Renee's face because the scoff she let out sounded so pissed; she wasn't used to people not agreeing with her.

"They don't have any idea what being a parent entails, it's not just dressing a baby in cute clothes and showing it off to all your friends."

"Due all due respect Mrs. Swan, you're right we have no idea how to be parents but we're going to figure it out together,"

Until this morning, I liked Edward. He was a great kid, never got into trouble, made Bella smile and got good grades but now he was the little fucking punk who knocked up my

daughter. While everyone argued about their readiness to be parents, all I could think about was shooting him and burying the body.

"We just got jobs and can start saving money, hopefully have a little savings before the baby arrives,"

"A little money? Do you have any idea how much diapers and wipes and formula cost? And don't you dare say you will breastfeed because that doesn't always work out. You will

need more than a little in savings."

"Mom, it's going to take some time for us to figure everything out but we will. Not once did we think about how easy raising a baby will be, we're freaking out," Bella said as calmly

as possible but tears were threatening to spill over.

I wanted to tell Renee to back off, give my little girl a second to breathe but I had no words. I wanted to shield Bella away from this hard path she was settling herself into but no

words would matter. We couldn't force them to change their minds; they decided they were having a baby, at sixteen and nothing we said would change that.

"This is ridiculous, why are we sitting here even entertaining the idea of this? Where will you live? How will you pay rent and bills?"

They both continued to stare down at the table with their fingers entwined under the table. Under different circumstances, I would have been happy to see Edward supporting Bella,

being there in a time of crisis. But right now I wanted to break every one of his fucking fingers, ensuring he would never touch my little girl again.

"I have an idea," Elizabeth said trying calm Renee down, but that wouldn't happen. Once she got going, there was no stopping her. "Our basement is partially finished and has a

bathroom. I was thinking over the next few months we could finish it and add a few heating vents and the kids could live there. It's not the most ideal place but it's free and close,

that way we could all help out once the baby is born."

That idea wasn't half bad, I had spent most Monday nights watching football down there with Ed; it was big enough for three.

"Is that what this is?" Renee asked with such disdain. I was nervous at what she planned on saying next because sometimes the words out of her mouth came without a second

thought. "You couldn't have any more children and what, you plan on raising theirs?"

"Excuse me?" Elizabeth asked.

"You heard me."

"Renee, enough," I spoke for the first time. I might not have had anything to say about babies and living arrangements but I wouldn't stand for Renee spouting off hateful remarks

to our friends because our children made a mistake.

"No Charlie, I will not stop. They are filling our babies head with this romanticized idea of raising a child, just so she can play mom again."

"That is enough; it is time for you to go," Ed seethed, there wasn't much that really got under his skin but when it came to Elizabeth. He kicked a few asses in high school; he didn't

stand for other guys asking her out, saying anything vulgar or crass about her. He was her protector, it didn't matter if it was some obnoxious guy or a long time friend, he wasn't

going to let anyone speak to her like that.

"Gladly, let's go Charlie."

"We are not getting anywhere tonight, I apologize for Renee she is angry but there is no excuse."

"Don't apologize for me, Charlie, I meant every word I said."

I rushed away from the table, gripped my hand around Renee's bicep and roughly guided her out of the house but realized that Bella was here.

"It might be better if she stayed here tonight, I can't promise there won't be a repeat of this at home." The look in her eyes when I couldn't even speak her name broke my heart but

right now, I just couldn't.

"It's fine Charlie, she can sleep in Edward's room and he will take the couch," Elizabeth said sounding on the verge of tears. I nodded and continued out the door.

"Let go of me," Renee all but shouted as she pulled her arm out of my vice grip, once we got to the car.

"Get in the car," I growled.

"Oh now he speaks. Where were you in there? I was fighting for the both of us."

"For the both of us? You think I would have said any of that to my two closet friends? The hateful, disgusting comments about her infertility. No I wouldn't, you did not speak for

me."

"At least I said something you just sat there letting the four of them ruin our daughter's life," she said almost defeated. The shock of what she had said was finally kicking in and she

felt horrible about it but was too stubborn to admit that she was wrong.

"Renee, the damage is done. She is pregnant," I struggled to say the words aloud. "It is her choice, you can't force her to do anything"

Over the years I had grown accustomed to her outbursts but in one fell swoop she had most likely broken a twenty year friendship and alienated our only daughter.

"Renee, please think about this, you have every right to be upset now but don't push Bella away."

"Don't tell me how to raise my daughter."

"She is our daughter and if you continue to act like this you will lose her."

"I don't care," she said stubbornly, acting like a five year old.

'Don't say more things that you don't mean. Your feelings might change once the baby is born, you don't want to do irreversible damage."

"Says the man who couldn't even look in your daughter's eyes."

She was right; I couldn't bear to look in her eyes, to see the pain and sadness there. I couldn't fix this for her, no matter how much I wanted to.

* * *

><p>Did you like hearing from Charlie? I know people hate the random POV but it is what it is!<p>

Love it? Hate?


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for everything!

* * *

><p>EPOV March 2008-<p>

"Baby?"

I called for Bella again but again she just ignored me as she stared off into space.

Bella and I had a lot to digest after the nastiness that her mother screamed. She just needed to lie down and relax. I didn't know shit about babies or pregnancy but being screamed

at for a half hour couldn't be good for either of them.

"Bella, it's late you should try and sleep," I spoke quietly, running my fingers through her hair, she always loved that.

"I don't have any pajamas," she said, finally looking up at me. I leaned down, placing a kiss on her head and pulled her up to me. We walked to my room, I grabbed a t-shirt of

mine and flannel pants that would be way too big on her. She didn't wait for me to leave the room, hell she didn't even shut the door as she changed her clothes. Luckily, my dad

had rushed off to console my mom once Bella's parents left.

Once all changed, she held my hand and lay on the bed, bringing me down with her; silently letting me know that she needed me to stay with her. We settled down on the bed with

my arms wrapped around her as she cried softly. Somehow, my hand found its way to her stomach and for the first time I laid it flat and thought of Bella all round and pregnant.

She would look beautiful, I had no doubt, she always was but touching her stomach made it real.

I silently vowed to make Bella the happiest girl in the world despite all the bullshit going on around us. Things might not be perfect, the timing was off but I would do everything in

my power to make sure that Bella knew how much I loved her, appreciated her and would never leave her as Renee suggested.

At some point Bella fell asleep, tears stained her face and I wanted to kick Renee's ass for making her feel like shit. She had been tearing herself down enough and didn't need her

mother to add to that.

"Edward, you're on the couch tonight," my mom said from my doorway. I couldn't not be with Bella tonight, she went to sleep in tears, I needed to be there when she woke up. As

gently as possible, I untangled myself from Bella and followed my mother into the living room.

"Mom, don't you think it's a little late to lay down the law? I mean she's pregnant, what else could possibly happen?" I said trying to joke with her, wanting her to smile and not look

like her best friend stabbed in her the back. She didn't laugh or smile but had that disapproving mom face; I needed to become accustomed to it, it probably wouldn't go away for a

while. "Too soon to joke about it?"

"Yes, way too soon. I told Charlie you would be sleeping on the couch, I don't plan on trying to upset them more than I already have."

"That's bullshit mom, you haven't done anything wrong. Bella and I got ourselves into this mess; you shouldn't get shit over it."

"Language Edward, and thank you,"

"Sorry, but mom she needs me, she went to sleep crying. I want to be there for her."

"Fine but the door stays open," she relented with a finger pointed at me, to show she meant business.

"Thanks," I said quickly and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh I almost forgot, I made Bella an appointment with a Dr. Marcus for tomorrow at three so you will make it there just in time," she said before I could walk back to my room.

"Three? I have shop tomorrow; I will be all greasy."

"This can't be put off, Bella needs prenatal care," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I didn't even know what prenatal care was but if Bella needed it then I

would haul my ass to the locker room and shower off the grime.

"Do you have any idea what's going to happen today?" Bella asked me, looking over at me from the passenger seat the next day.

Was she serious, I still had no idea what prenatal was and when I asked my mom this morning she just laughed. I needed to take some time and research this shit online.

"No idea, but we will find out how pregnant you are."

"Far along," she said with a smile. I had no idea what she was taking about so she clarified that it wasn't how pregnant she was but how far along she was.

We pulled up to the hospital and hesitated to get out. I think somewhere in our minds once we had this confirmed by a doctor it was really happening. Neither of us was ready for

this but we walked in hand in hand.

We walked into a small generic waiting room and checked in with the receptionist. Bella had to fill out a few forms while we waited. It felt like forever but that was because everyone

was eyeing us.

Bella's name was finally called and I hesitated for a second, was I supposed to go in with her? Apparently, I was because she was dragging me by my hand.

She peed on a stick and got another positive, definitely pregnant. I totally peeked when she hopped on the scale; I knew she wouldn't tell me later, as if one-hundred and fifteen

pounds was fat.

We were directed to a small exam room at the end of the hall and were left to just hang out for what felt like hours. Dr. Marcus finally came and didn't have a flash of 'they are too

young for this' expression.

The sweet, grey haired doctor tried to determine a due date but all Bella knew was she had her last period in December, so she would be having an ultrasound before we left today.

She asked a million questions about our family history but we didn't know shit and were told to ask our parents.

We were brought to the ultrasound room and Bella was told to strip down from the waist down, she agreed looking as confused as I did. We watched a shitload of movies and televisions shows together,

an ultrasound was supposed to be someone throwing some jelly looking stuff on the mother's belly, not being half- naked.

I watched, as Bella got naked and laughed she gave me the finger as I unconsciously licked my lips; she was fucking hot, who knew how long that would last.

Scratch that, Bella would always be beautiful but pregnancy made women fat. I would still love Bella if she got fat but I hoped it wasn't a permanent thing.

The nurse came back in and introduced herself and explained that since Bella was most likely still in her first trimester that a trans something ultrasound would be the best and

maybe only way to see the baby. I held her hand as a long as fuck wand was inserted, I tried not to gag but not even able to see anything, the thought of that being in there was

freaking me out. I felt for Bella but better her than me.

And then on the screen, you could see a baby, not a big one but it was there. It had a legs and arms and a spine, it was the weirdest shit ever and kind of creepy to think that Bella

had that just hanging out inside her. Measurements were done and a few pictures were printed for us. I figured we could throw them up on the fridge but not the head on one that

made the thing look like an alien.

We left our first prenatal appointment with few pictures of our mini baby, orders to start prenatal vitamins and folic acid and the scary as all hell idea of becoming parents in twenty-eight

short weeks.

* * *

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	13. Chapter 13

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for letting me be her life coach :)

* * *

><p>EPOV May 2008-<p>

"Hey, baby?" Edward whispered, gently nudging my shoulder. It was Saturday I should have been sleeping not being shaken awake but he wasn't giving up.

"Hi," I rolled over and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck; he was so warm. I missed him so much lately; Liz just said it was my hormones. I think it's the fact that

between the garage, the basement and school I never saw him anymore. I saw that the clock only said eleven so he should have been at the garage, not home. "Why are you

home?"

"You complaining?" he said rubbing his hands up and down my back, making me feel so safe and loved. I shook my head no and got as close as possible, "I have a surprise for you,

get up."

I let him pull me up guide me through the house, which was empty and downstairs. I could smell the paint from the top steps; I thought it would have been a while before any

painting went on. Edward told me to close my eyes as he slowly walked down the steps and said 'ta-da' when it was time to open them again.

It was the basement but nice and now livable, the plush beige carpet under our feet had replaced the worn out ratty grey one, the wood paneling was still there but now a pretty

light blue. The old but crazy comfortable couch was still there but I noticed that the bar area was gone, completely gone.

"How did you do this so fast and where is the bar?" I asked in amazement, Edward and his dad said it would probably be at least two or three months not four weeks.

"I busted my ass, every night once you were asleep, I was down here; pulling up carpet is a bitch and the walls needed like four coats of paint. And the bar, as you can see is gone;

my mom thought it would be the perfect place for the crib."

I looked at the area again and could see it; there were shelves on each side of the wall, which would come in handy for diapers and crap. The center of the wall was bare, a crib

would fit perfectly there; they had put so much thought into everything while I just cried, a lot.

I hugged him so hard, loved him so much that my eyes teared up. He was so amazing to work so hard to get this done for me. I wasn't a crier before so my tears were definitely due

to the hormones.

"You like?" he asked, I could feel him smiling against my neck.

"I love," I answered, kissing him everywhere I could, he was so perfect. We stood with our arms wrapped around each other for a little before he said that his entire day was free.

"So I was thinking that we could drive to the Wal-Mart and pick up a few things for down here."

I agreed and ran to get ready; I didn't want to miss a minute with him today. We drove hand in hand and the hour ride was filled with baby talk, my least favorite subject. I wouldn't

have said that Edward was excited, there was no way to be excited about becoming a stupid statistic but he was dealing with it, the best he could. I wasn't dealing at all.

He suggested taking belly pictures every week to document how big I got, as if my tighter pants and eventual stretch marks weren't documentation enough; I declined.

He spouted off useless little factoids that he read from his weekly baby update like the fact that the baby had started producing urine around twelve weeks, all I could think about

was pee floating around inside me.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't care that the baby was now the size of an avocado or that in three weeks we might be able to find out whether it was a boy or girl. I

didn't care about any of it; I wanted everything the way it used to be.

I wrote it all down though, getting all my feelings out on paper and not burdening Edward with them was the only decent thing I could manage to do lately. Writing had always been

my thing and my thing had won me a few local literary contests and even second place in the LitMag non-fiction contest. But writing about my shitty situation and me it was new and

personal and sadly, it was probably my best writing yet.

Once we were inside and shopping for a slipcover for the couch and a duvet cover to accent the light blue walls, I didn't have to dwell on my feelings anymore.

We found the perfect blue, brown and cream bed set and curtains to match. We even picked up some matching towels even though the bathroom wouldn't be done for another few

weeks, the vanity was on back order or something, I didn't care as long as we got a little privacy. Liz and Ed were great, more than great but always around, some alone time with

Edward would be awesome.

Edward had somehow guided us to the baby section, making my heart beat double time, I didn't want to look or pick things out I wanted to run. But when he asked me if I wanted

to check stuff out, I just shrugged and followed him as he looked at cribs. He pointed out a black crib and matching changing table that would match his bedroom set perfectly, I

didn't care and just shrugged.

I wanted to throw up when he looked at and picked up a blue bedding set with monkeys on it, saying it would match our bedding and that there was a pink version to, you know in

case it's a girl, I just shrugged.

We finally came to the end of the baby aisle and saw that there was a monkey jumperoo thing that Edward loved and wanted to buy that day but I talked him out of it, thank god.

I breathed easier in the car and let him take his 'baby mamma' to lunch. He was a health freak all of a sudden; I agreed to get a side of veggies as long as I could get the brownie

explosion for dessert. He reluctantly agree, quoting his weekly update again, something about the baby eats what you eat and that junk food wasn't the best option.

Only twenty-three more weeks of this.

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	14. Chapter 14

With every update the alerts and favorites blow my mind, but I'm only hearing from a few fabulous people. I would love love love to hear from you :)

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV May 2008-<p>

Her words hurt.

They might have been private and not for me to read but I did and they hurt because I was seriously trying here. I managed to keep my grades up, worked thirty hours a week with

my dad and I pretty much gave up riding to have time to spend with Bella. She slept a lot but I chalked that up to being pregnant, not so depressed some days that getting out of

bed was a chore. She preferred staying home on the weekends, stupidly I thought it was because growing another person was physically draining not that she felt like people were

judging her, looking down on her.

I knew our situation wasn't something to be proud of but her feelings of shame and embarrassment surprised me; we were doing the best we could.

Reading that she felt miserable and lonely and alone left me feeling inadequate and oblivious. How did I not notice how she was feeling? How did I not know that my beautiful girl

was so unhappy; I was going to be a failure as a husband, if she ever said yes to any of my proposals.

We had ten minutes before we need to leave for the last day of school, the last day of our junior year. Now probably wasn't the time but as Bella walked down the stairs looking so

pretty in a pair old jean capris, that I knew were held together by an elastic band and a fitted t-shirt showing off her new belly, she still looked so sad. Sadder than just sad, I knew I

had to say something.

"Is this how you really feel?" I asked, looking down at the open notebook and then up at Bella.

"Kinda," she said after a beat. She was angry that I read her words but maybe more angry that she left it out for anyone to see.

"Why wouldn't you tell me this? I could help or listen or…"

"You're so busy with the shop and finals; I didn't want to bother-"

"You are my priority, everything else is nothing compared to you. If you're lonely, I don't want to read it I want to hear it so I can fix it." I said gently, wrapping my arms around

her, brushing my hand over her still barely there bump. She relaxed into me, being so close just felt right.

"We need to go but after sixth period I'm free and want it to be just you and me today," I said, hoping it would do something, make her smile, lift her sadness but knowing it

probably wasn't enough.

"I would love that."

We left and made small talk all the way to school and went our separate ways, she had her English exam and I had my auto shop final, if I passed, I would do my internship next

year and be certified by the time I was eighteen.

My test ran a little late and scrubbing grease off your hands is a bitch so I had just made it to the cafeteria, where there was no Bella. Vicki said she wasn't felling well and asked to

take her last exam, Calculus during her study hall and luckily, her teacher allowed it. And she didn't want to bother me so Vicki drove her home. I called her, just wanting to check in

but it went to voicemail, I gave up after the third call and rushed through my English final, I wanted to be home with Bella and could barely focus.

I drove faster than usual and didn't bother yelling out for when I got home after Bella, I knew she was in bed and fast asleep. If I had really, paid attention I would have realized

that she napped almost everyday for three to four hours, that couldn't have been normal. I walked down in our room and practically melted at the sight of Bella, asleep on her back

with her shirt riding up over her stomach. I couldn't resist kissing her now outie belly button and running my hand over my growing baby, she almost never let me see her belly now.

She hated the way her body was changing, her hips had gotten slightly wider, and there were faint stretch marks on her sides although she didn't mind the bigger boobs. And to me,

none of that mattered, she was growing a baby, my baby and whether or not we were truly ready for it, it was happening and she looked as fucking beautiful as always.

"Hey you," Bella said with her voice all raspy from sleep. She was squinting up at me and smiling so wide, it made me melt just a little more.

"Hi baby, how you feeling?" I bent down to her level because I wanted to kiss her, make her happy, do whatever I could to keep that smile on her face.

"Fine," she was stretching and not swatting away my hand, so I took advantage, and loved how my hand almost completely covered her stomach. I shouldn't have felt a twinge of

pride that I did that to her considering we were so young but it was probably just some stupid, macho guy thing.

"So what are we going to do today?"

"I don't know? I'm tired."

"Tired, you just woke up? Want to go hiking, like we used to, to our special spot?" I figured we could have been alone, and it was sunny, Bella loved lying out in the sun but the look

Bella gave me was priceless. It was as though she thought I was mentally handicapped and she spoke to me in the same manner.

"Edward, I am fat, what makes you think I want to go hiking?"

"Fine, bowling? We haven't done that in a while," I suggested, not wanting to argue with her because I certainly didn't agree.

"Right because I am fat."

"How about dinner and a movie?"

"Yes, please, I am starving,"

"But you might get even fatter," I thought I was playing along with her whole 'I'm so fat' thing but her sad eyes said that I was just an asshole and needed to fix it, fast.

"You think I'm fat?"

"No, baby, not at all," I said kissing her quietly, she would have protested so I hoped my kisses, touches would show tell how perfect I thought she was. My lips trailed across her

cheek and under her ear, her breath was hot against my neck and her moan went straight to my dick.

"You are so beautiful," I whisper kissed down her neck, my hand that was on her stomach was now pushing her shirt up further, over her boobs and head and she actually let me.

"You're so fucking perfect," I said as I took her nipple into my mouth, eyes still locked on hers. Suddenly, I had her on her back, my hands and lips were everywhere, I wanted,

needed to be with her, right now. "Stop it, you don't mean it," Bella said, voice was full of doubt and she tired, in vain, to cover herself but I wasn't having that.

"I mean it, baby," my lips were slowly moving down from her chest to her belly button to her hipbone.

"I want to, so bad, can I?" I whispered, at the waistband of her pajama pants. She nodded, raising her hips, her eyes locked on mine, I hope she saw and got that I loved her more

than anything. Her pants, which were actually mine and her panties, were tossed to the side, giving me complete access to my favorite place in the world, between her thighs. She

let me taste and love her then hold her tight against me.

"Baby, marry me," I asked for the sixth time but who was counting.

"No," she giggled, against my chest. "You know I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant."

"It's not just because you're pregnant, it's because I love you more than anything and want everyone to know that you're mine, forever."

"I think this is a rather obvious sign, don't you?" She joked, gesturing down to her stomach.

"How about this, our twenty week appointment is tomorrow, if the baby is a girl we get married, if it's a boy we don't?" I was grasping at straws but wanted her as my wife, whether

or not she was pregnant and only sixteen years old.

"Since I think it's a boy, deal," she said with a laugh.

"I love you, you know that?" I asked, praying our baby was a little girl that looked just like Bella.

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	15. Chapter 15

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being one of the few people I would talk to without getting paid :)

* * *

><p>BPOV June 2008-<p>

I could have seriously been a PSA about teenage pregnancy, I thought as I looked in the mirror. At twenty-six and a half weeks pregnant, my body was

becoming grossly out of shape. In the last three weeks, my stomach had literally doubled in size.

I turned to the side and my belly stood out farther than my boobs, gross, there was no way once this sucker popped out that my stomach would shrink

back. And my boobs were somehow still growing, my small A cup were now a big B, but I was totally okay with that. I had dark circles under my eyes, no

matter how much sleep I got and the stretch marks, let's not forget the stretch marks. They were faint but there, no matter how much of that shitty

cocoa butter lotion I used, that Liz swore by.

No, pregnancy did not agree with me, at freaking all.

But everyone else disagreed.

Edward loved kissing my belly and telling me that I looked beautiful all the time but I think he had to say that. Liz said the same thing and promised that

I was young and my body would bounce back, she guaranteed it. Vicki said that she wanted to look as good as I did when she got pregnant, 'you know

in like eight or nine or ten years.'

But I knew I could count on James and Riley to be honest so when they came over to play some X-Box with Edward while Liz planned on dragging me to

buy some maternity clothes. She said I needed to embrace pregnancy and look adorable while doing it, I think she was just sick of my two muumuu

summer dresses and Edward's clothes.

"Hey guys, do I look fat?" I asked, interrupting their game, knowing they would say whatever popped into their heads.

"Fuck yes."

"Like a mini whale."

They said at the same time, they were total assholes but at least they were honest.

"What the fuck guys?" Edward shouted immediately and looked up at me nervously, like I would cry. But I just smirked, mouthed 'told ya' and blew him a

kiss goodbye.

*-WWS-*

"Have you thought about names yet?" Liz asked as I walked out of the dressing room.

"We've thrown a few around but he hates everything I come up with," I pouted, less because of Edward always rejecting my names and more because I

looked hideous in the maternity jeans.

"Well what didn't he like?"

"Everything, Oliver, Montgomery, Jackson, Caius, Marcus, Alec and my favorite Edward. What do you think?" I asked about a plaid summer dress that

showed off my bump, not hid it.

"You look beautiful, the names are just so so."

"Really? Even Edward? I would think you'd like that one," I joked, returning to the dressing room to change back into my dress and flip-flops. Liz yelled

that I was a smartass and if I talked back anymore, she wouldn't stop for a McFlurry on the way home, I shut my mouth.

As I was stuffing my face with my M&M McFlurry, Liz asked question after question, as usual. She asked if I had set up my appointment to start home

schooling once the baby was born, I hadn't. If I had decided to take the natural childbirth class or general prepared class, I hadn't. Then she asked if I

was okay with having a different last name than the baby, I had never thought about that before and instantly I hated it. We were quiet on the way

home, giving me time to stew over the fact that I had turned down all seven of Edward's proposals and I knew he wouldn't ask again, for at least a few

more weeks. I needed to think fast and figure out a way to make him ask me again preferably tonight.

The boys were gone and Edward was eating pizza with Ed at the table, they were talking shop, as usual.

"Hi beautiful girl," Edward said looking over at me, smiling, definitely liking my new dress.

"Hi handsome."

"Did you have fun today?" Ed asked, leaning up to give Liz a kiss. They were still crazy in love; I could only hope that would be Edward and I twenty

years from now.

"We did, Bella got some cute clothes and we stopped for ice cream and had lots of girl talk."

"Yeah, it was great; did you have a good day?" I asked, reaching for a slice of the mushroom, sausage and broccoli pizza, that Edward had ordered just

for me. They both nodded their heads and started talking about a carburetor or something. It was the first time Edward was going to be working on one

or whatever; I could see how excited he was. It kept surprising me how much Edward enjoyed working with his father, he even gave up riding in favor of

working more at the shop. He claimed it was for extra money but you could see the excitement on his face about this carburetor. He looked hot in the

shop uniform but I didn't want him giving up his dreams of riding professionally because of the whole baby thing.

"Are you going to ask me to marry you today?" I blurted out with all eyes on me. I had been waiting for the perfect time to drag Edward away but three

slices of pizza later, they hadn't stopped talking long enough to get a word in edge wise. Everyone was silent but I could see the smile threatening to

break across Liz's face, Ed just looked just as taken aback as Edward, I had the crappiest timing but was committed. "Well?"

"Ahhh, I hadn't planned on it, should I?" He looked like a cross between amused and confused.

"Come on Ed, let's give the kids some privacy," she said nudging her husband who still looked a little confused.

"So you want to get married?" Edward asked once his parents left the table.

"Yes," I tried to hide my irritation, I mean, I just asked him to ask me, didn't I?

"But last week, I asked and you said no."

"Right."

"But now you do?" He had a sneaky, smug smile and was so freaking cute. It was the first time I wondered what our son would look like, hopefully just

like him.

"Yes, Edward," I answered, not wanting to feed into his ego too much.

"So I should ask you again?" He was definitely amused now.

"Yes please but not right now, I want it to be special and romantic."

"You are asking for way too much now."

"Shut up," I threw a piece of my pizza crust at him. "I'm serious we have to tell our grandkids the story, it has to be good."

"I'll see what I can do," he said with a smile, my favorite smile as he finished his pizza. I knew whatever he came up with would be perfect.

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	16. Chapter 16

Sorry for the delay, I kinda forgot to post!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

I love MoDunk for prereading and for everything.

* * *

><p>EPOV July 2008-<p>

"I'm so freaking hungry,"

"I know baby, we just need to stop by the shop first."

"I know baby," she said copying me, mocking me. "But I'm starving and Miniward is kicking the shit out of me."

She had taken to calling our son, Miniward because we couldn't agree on a name. Bella felt as though since she was the one growing him, she should

have the final say. Every name she came up with sounded more suitable for a future douche instead of my son.

"Miniward is just going to have to wait, it won't take me long, just picking up some papers for dad."

"Whatever, just drive."

So I drove, slower than usual, I was nervous. All the planning in the world couldn't have prepared me to ask Bella to marry me, for the eighth time. One

would think it got easier every time but it didn't, each time had to be better than the last. It wasn't hard to top my first attempt at a proposal but to top a

trip to the beach where I had James and Riley write out 'Bella, will you marry me,' in the sand with a picnic set up would be tough. But she said no and

laughed as the water washed it away, pregnancy made her unnecessarily mean sometimes.

Tonight was the night though, I knew she would say yes, or the chances of a yes were considerably higher since she asked me to ask her again. I pulled

up and parked at the front door to Masen Mechanics, a place I never dreamed I would want to work but now loved it, and tried not to laugh while Bella

muttered 'fina-freaking-lly.'

"Want to come in?"

"No," she said with a roll of her beautiful eyes. I knew she would be difficult but I had everything planned out.

"Baby, maybe you should go to the bathroom, the restaurant is almost an hour away."

"And we would already be there if you didn't stop here first and now I have to haul my fat ass out of this car just to pee, thank you so much." She

grumbled as she hoisted herself out of the car, I would have offered to help her but was bitched out yesterday for it, I knew better now. I held her hand

while I unlocked the door and led her in, it was dark, giving nothing away.

"Well turn the fricking light on, I can't feel my way to the bathroom," she bitched at me. Her attitude was unusually rough tonight, making me a little

nervous about her saying yes, so much for a sure thing.

I switched the lights on and held my breath, wanting to see her face and not, at the same time. She let out a breathy, sweet little sigh and I knew I was good.

"This is for me?" She asked quietly, knowing I wouldn't do this for anyone else, just her.

"Of course, you're my beautiful girl."

"Because you love me so much?" she said so quietly, I almost couldn't hear her. She finally looked at me, the twinkle lights I had put up with James' help

lighting up her eyes.

"More than anything," I turned the radio on, completing my romantic scene.

"Even though I'm like wicked fat right now and a little crazy," she was crying just a little but good tears. I just nodded because there was no point in

arguing, she wasn't fat just pregnant and the crazy, well she was right about that but knew I better than to point that out.

"Come on," I guided her into the garage, where two cars would have been in various phases of repair but today there were no cars. I had spent the day

cleaning up and then setting up; James helped me string up the twinkle lights and the Chinese lanterns. I setup the round table my parents used for

parties and two chairs, covering them with a white tablecloth and chair covers I found at Wal-Mart. I set the table with two white place settings I stole

from home and a bouquet of white flowers, I figured since the garage itself was dirty the white would offset it. No to toot my own horn but it did look

kind of magical, better than I would have thought.

"This is all so perfect,"

"Hopefully it's grandkid story worthy," I said playfully, pulling out her chair, helping her sit down.

"Totally."

We ate the dinner I had James bring over just before we arrived; he was totaling up all his proposal setup hours and would he giving me a bill soon.

Apparently doing all this out of the goodness of his heart wasn't his style. Bella had her favorite mushroom ravioli from Bella Italia in Port Angeles. She

never would have eaten it before she got pregnant but loved it now while I had pizza, which she stole a piece or two of also.

We threw around more names, not agreeing on a single one, although I'm pretty sure she was just nixing some names to piss me off. I mean she didn't

like Benjamin but wanted Barry that just didn't make sense.

"How about Anthony Charles?" she suggested as she ate her last bite of her brownie.

I took a minute to let it bounce around in my mind, Anthony was my middle name as well as my father's and Charles was her dad's name. I knew she

wanted a name that meant something to us and Anthony Charles definitely meant something to us.

"I like it."

"Yeah but enough to be stuck with a kid named Anthony forever?"

"It's better than Maxamillion," I laughed, making fun of her and the shit she came up with.

"Shut up," she laughed and threw a piece of pizza crust at me. "So that's it? Anthony Charles Masen? I like it."

"Me too," I agreed.

We sat there in a moment or two of silence, I realized that we were here for a reason and while it was great that we picked out a name, I still hadn't

gotten down on one knee. I was stalling but for no reason, I already knew her answer, I just needed to ask.

"You gonna do this?" Bella said, knocking him out of my nervous inner ramblings. Pregnancy made her a little bolder and outspoken; I liked it, most of the

time.

"Just trying to make you sweat," I got up and went to stand in front of her, immediately getting down on one knee; I knew the drill by now.

"I remember the first time I really saw you," I started. " I had known you my entire life but it was the summer before seventh grade, at the beach. You

were smiling and giggling with your friends and I was stuck, just staring. You were so beautiful and I was in love." I was holding her hand a little tighter

than necessary but she didn't say anything, she just smiled, looking down at me.

"The first time I asked you to be my girlfriend, you broke my heart. The tenth time, I was used to the rejection but it still stung. The hundredth time, you

smiled just a little before telling me to 'get a freaking life," I knew right then that I was wearing you down. A few hundred times later you said yes, you

made my life. And now I'm asking you to marry me, for the eighth time. No matter what life throws at us, you are it for me, I've always known it. It's hard

but it'll be better together. Will you marry me?"

"Yes," she whispered, squeezing my hand, leaning forward kissing me. "Now this is a story we can tell the grandkids," she squealed, giving me another

kiss before running to pee again.

I knew she would say yes but hearing the actual yes was even better than I thought possible.

She made my life, again.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

It's going to be 98 degrees and I have to spend the day at Canobie Lake Park :(

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading... Love you!

* * *

><p>BPOV July 2008-<p>

I shouldn't have been this nervous, walking up to my parent's front door but I hadn't seen my mother since that night she said horribly mean things and

needed to be asked to leave Edward's house. I was so angry at her, at her words but so sad that she could just leave and not look back. I wasn't ready

for a baby, I was too young and immature but I knew there was no way, I could ever walk away and not look back.

I had seen Charlie, twice and each time he looked so disappointed but at least he could look at me and ask how I was feeling. It was so uncomfortable

just being around him but I needed permission to get married, another reason to not have a baby at sixteen. I could legally bring a child into this world

but not get married, it was stupid.

I had the paperwork and just needed one signature, I knew Renee wasn't an option and could only hope I got Charlie in a good mood and an empty

house. I knocked on the door, feeling uneasy just walking in, it didn't feel like my house anymore. The door opened and there was Renee in her workout

clothes, she looked surprised then almost happy.

"Bella," she said with a small smile and moved to the side, letting me in.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting as I walked in and looked around but I thought something would have been different. I was at a serious loss for

words, had an entire speech set to go for Charlie, thinking that Renee would have been out, she usually was on Saturday mornings. I manned up and

turned towards my mother, knowing that I looked like a whale from the side, and asked if Charlie was home and if they had a minute to talk.

Charlie was home, getting ready to go down to the rez and visit Harry, his coworker, to go fishing. We all sat down at the kitchen table and surprisingly

my mom was the first to speak. She asked how I was feeling and laughed when I said that I felt like a whale; apparently, she said the same thing when

pregnant with me. Our conversation was strained, Charlie was silent when Renee asked if we had decided on a name yet and they both smiled at

Anthony Charles Masen and my explanation for it. But then we were quiet again, it was now or never.

"That's actually why I'm here," I said, my voice slowly losing confidence, I could see the change in Renee's demeanor as I folded my hands in front of me

on the table. My engagement ring, that was Liz's first wedding ring, was on display. "I need one of you to sign this paper which, gives me the go ahead

to get married."

The room was silent, Charlie's head tilted down just enough that I couldn't see his eyes but Renee was starting right at me, she was furious. I thought

for a few minutes that we were making a little headway but that was clearly gone.

"I know how you feel about getting married so young but I want to have the same last name as Edward and our son." I explained, absentmindedly

rubbing my belly, hoping that my logic was as rational outloud as it sounded in my head.

"Then his last name should be Swan," my mother said raising her voice.

"Renee," Charlie said warning her to watch what she said, just as he did that night at Edward's, it didn't do any good then and I could see that it was

equally as useless today.

"Don't Charlie; we are not signing that paper. It should be obvious that if you are too young to get married then you are too young to have a baby."

"Mom, I didn't come here to argue or be yelled at, I just want-"

"To what? Ruin your life, more than that mistake of a baby would? Do you have any idea the shit you have put us through?"

"Enough!" Charlie roared, literally roared at my mother, stunning both of us. "This is the first time she comes home and this is how you to speak to her?"

"Don't you dare scream at me," she yelled back.

"Then keep your mouth shut."

I had seen my parents argue plenty of times but this wasn't a run of the mill argument, this was angry, deep and all my fault. I left without a word and

without a signature, hating myself just a little bit more than before.

*-WWS-*

It was so hot, I was melting. It was sunny and eighty-seven degrees. Thank god weather so hot was rare in Forks or this summer would have been even

worse then it already was. I was lounging in the sunlight, with cold water and my notebook, even with the disgusting hotness outside, I loved the sun.

It was quiet with the exception of the neighborhood kids who just seemed to scream for the sake of screaming, kids were annoying. I was on a writing

streak and after only an hour, I had eleven pages written about all the shit that has gone down. My dream was to always write and sell millions of books

and, maybe writing about me can help some other teenage girl. Probably not but it passed the time.

Liz knocked me out of my writing, telling me that my dad was here and coming out back. I froze, looking down at my tiny shorts that Edward used to love,

I couldn't button them so the just hung under my belly. My trailer park look was complete with a too small tank top that barely covered half my stomach.

I couldn't believe that Charlie would see me like this, especially after yesterday's disastrous visit. But he was here so I closed my notebook and hoisted

myself off the lounge chair.

"Hey, kiddo," Charlie said nervously walking towards me, his eyes wide, looking at my exposed belly bulge. I smiled shyly, not knowing what to say.

"I, ah, brought these for you," he handed me a plastic bag. I pulled out a pair of faded overalls; I can't imagine my dad wearing overalls, ever. I looked at

him for some kind of answer as he rubbed the back of his neck. He and Edward had that same nervous habit but with Edward, it was cute but with my

dad, it was awkward. I wasn't used to him being nervous about anything, he was my dad, the guy that knew everything, always.

"They were your mothers; she hated maternity pants ands wore those almost every day for the last three months. Looks like you could use them," he

said gesturing to my unbuttoned shorts.

"Yeah, they are great, thanks." This was getting more uncomfortable by the minute, I hated this. I used to be able to run to him for anything and now I

couldn't even look him in the eye.

"How ya feeling?"

"Okay, tired and huge I guess."

"How's the basement coming?"

"Oh it's done, they finished last month. Wanna take a look?" I offered trying desperately to ease the discomfort between us and just standing and

forcing conversation wasn't helping either of us. And maybe if he could see how the great job Edward and his dad did, he would, I don't know, hate

Edward less.

Liz was nowhere to be seen as Charlie and I walked through the kitchen and downstairs. He was shocked by how different it looked; his eyes

immediately went to the crib across the room. It was already set up, with the blue monkey bedding set and all.

"Looks like you're all set to go then?"

I wasn't sure what he meant so I shrugged my shoulders and showed him the bathroom, with the new vanity and stand up shower. I bragged about

how Edward had learned how to do some tiling and finished the floor himself. I think I wanted to prove to him that Edward was doing the best he could

for me and the baby, under the shittiest circumstances. He didn't look impressed.

"Here I wanted to give you this," Charlie handed me a folded up piece of paper and did the whole nervous neck rubbing thing again as I unfolded and

read the paper. My eyes felt like they bulged out of my mind, they must have because he was handing me written consent to get married.

"Dad, really?"

"Your mother is still against this, against all of it but you will be eighteen in no time and well I as much as I hate this, I trust you know what you want."

"Thanks, thank you so much," I blurted out, practically jumping on him. I hugged my dad with so much force and then jumped back. It was one thing to

see the giantness that was my belly; it is another thing to knock him around with it.

"Welcome," he whispered, following me back upstairs. The uncomfortable quiet was back and I was surprised that he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"Yeah, of course," I said sitting down, across from him.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, your mother," he paused to look at me, like really look at me and for some reason tears started to form in my eyes. "Your

mother isn't happy about any of this, I'm not either but it's happening." I could only nod; I knew he would say more.

"We're getting a divorce," he was so quiet, immediately my tears started to fall; this was all my fault. "Bella, listen to me, this has nothing to do with you.

Things haven't been good for a while now and not that I have shown you this but you are my priority. No matter what is going on you are still my little

girl, no one will tell me where and when I can see you. I'm sorry I let that go on as long as I did.." His words helped ease the guilt but it was still there.

We talked for a few minutes, he told me that Renee was planning to leave town, going to Phoenix, why he didn't know but she was. He told me that he

no longer wanted to be an outsider to me, Edward and his parents but most importantly to the baby, his grandchild. He tried to explain that Renee had

other things going on, that somehow clouded her judgment when it came to the baby and me but in the end he just dropped it because completely

cutting me out of her life was something he didn't understand or could truly explain.

A weight was lifted off my shoulders, not only did I get the written consent I needed to marry Edward I got my dad back. He wasn't ashamed or

embarrassed of me, like I thought. He wanted a relationship with me and my new family; it was more than I could have asked for after months of

nothing. It made me smile.

Liz came out of the garage eventually; carrying grocery bags and spoke to Charlie like no time had passed at all, inviting him to dinner, which he

accepted. It was strange at first, Edward was now scared shitless of my dad and fumbled over his words a few times. They spoke about the garage, and

smiled as Ed bragged about how great Edward was doing. He agreed that my decision to forego home schooling program in favor of getting my GED,

then a few months after the baby is born taking a class or two at the community college was the better choice.

It took some getting used to the fact that my mother wasn't here, like she had been for me entire life but I got my dad back and that was good enough

for now. I smiled as everyone laughed and smiled, it wasn't the family I was used to but from where I was sitting it was kinda of perfect.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate? Would you let your kid get married?<p>

I'm going on vacation so motivate me to update :)


	18. Chapter 18

It was crazy hot yesterday and I was forced to be the happy housewife at my wife's work outting to Canobie Lake Park; you all should feel bad for me.

P.S. I'm updating from my phone while on vacation, give me some props :)

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV August 2008-<p>

Bella never wanted a big wedding; she would actually talk about it, in detail. She dreamed about being married outside, on the beach or some garden

with just our families and our closest friends. And now we had Charlie's consent and a judge's approval and Bella felt like she didn't deserve any kind of

wedding. She would say 'being sixteen and pregnant isn't something that should be celebrated' and that 'we could have a real wedding at some point.' I

didn't give a shit what kind of wedding we had but I wasn't going with the logic of we didn't deserve one, why didn't we?

Bella also refused a baby shower, not wanting to be the center of attention was her reason but I can assume she felt like she didn't deserve that either.

I wasn't stupid enough to think that our situation was great but it wasn't the worst either, not to me at least. I wanted her to know that I loved her and

our baby enough to celebrate in spite of what some people may think, in spite of what Bella thinks.

I was able to convince Bella to at least try to find a dress she felt pretty in so she went shopping with my mother and Vicki, last weekend. And today I

was able to convince her to go get her hair and nails done, so we could have a few nice pictures to remember our wedding day. And while she was out, I

was hard at work. I enlisted the help of my parents, friends and even Charlie. We were all in agreement Bella deserved a wedding, one that she would

always remember.

We only had a few hours before Bella would return, just in time to get dressed and drive to the town clerks office. We had planned on getting hitched by

the clerk and going out to dinner with my parents and Charlie, but in reality, our immediate family and a few friends were coming and we were getting

married by a justice of the peace in the backyard. Between the two big round tables my parents had and the three long tables Charlie had we could fit

everyone comfortably.

We set up the tables and the white rental chairs, strung up the twinkle lights and paper lanterns from my proposal last month; I remember she said she

wanted sparkles. We had chicken and ribs marinating and ready to be thrown on the grill along with enough hot dogs and hamburgers because she said

that her wedding day would be simple and relaxing. Two coolers filled with drinks and the guests were arriving while my dad, Charlie and I got ready.

Bella and my mom wouldn't tell me what her dress looked like but that it was plain and simple so my mom picked me up a new white button down and

khakis. I looked good, I knew Bella would be all over my ass later, well if she wasn't pissed that I went ahead and made us a wedding.

Bella and Vicki pulled up twenty minutes late but Bella looked beautiful with light makeup, her hair pulled back in curls. She wiggled her toes at me,

showing off her pedicure. She kissed me on the cheek, said I looked 'way too good' and followed my mother into the bathroom to get dressed while I

greeted the justice of the peace, paid him and my dad brought him out back.

"I think it's too late for the hurt my daughter and I'll kill you speech," Charlie said, wearing the same outfit as my father and I, trying not to smile. "But

hurt my daughter or grandson and I will kill you."

"You know I won't," I said confidently but got sidetracked by Bella, my future wife, coming out of the bathroom, with my mother behind her. She looked

beautiful but even more than that; she had a glow about her that you read about in those pregnancy books. You know, the books that I read and Bella

made fun of me for.

"We look kind of good, huh?" she said, kissing me on the cheek again. "You ready to be a one woman man?"

"I suppose," I fake sighed while she just rolled her eyes; out of the two of us, she was the one who should have been fake sighing, I had been ready for

this, for a while now. "I have a little wedding present for you."

Bella protested but let me put on a small silver bracelet with tiny diamonds, fake of course.

"Okay, let's go," she whispered against my lips.

"I actually have another surprise," I said now consumed with nerves.

She kind of looked at me and asked what else I could possibly have up my sleeve. I was literally freaking out inside while I grabbed her bouquet of light

flowers and handed them to her.

"Don't be mad, I just-" my words trailed off, seeing her face. She wasn't mad, she was surprised but it was a good surprise, I thought. "I just wanted

you to have this day, you deserve so much more than just this but it's all I could do. You deserved a real wedding, now not later."

I was kissed again and walked outside, saying quiet hellos to everyone and standing at the end of the makeshift aisle with my father to the left of me.

We had always been close but since I started working at the garage he quickly became one of my best friends, it felt right having him stand with me. I

took a second to look out and see everyone that was here for us, no one was judging us and everyone was just happy. I was happy and Bella would be

happy, I could feel it.

My inner thoughts became a blur as the patio door opened and Bella walked down the deck stairs and towards me, to marry me. The thought was doing

crazy things to my heart, right then I took silent vows, just to myself that I would do anything for her, she would always be happy.

We said vows, sealed them with a kiss and was met with a round of applause; instead of walking back down the aisle everyone slowly made their way

to us. We were kissed, hugged and kissed again by our small group of guests.

Everyone ate, had cake while Anthony and the fact that he would be here in six short weeks was all anyone could talk about. We were given advice and

baby gifts, along with tips to keep each other happy.

Under the glow of the twinkle lights, Bella and I danced our first dance as husband and wife. I held her as close as possible, both of us laughing as

Anthony kicked so hard I could feel. I was pretty sure that this moment was the best of my life; I had Bella forever.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

My MoDunk hates when any Edward plans things like weddings or buying houses without Bella's input but it kinda works here right?


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV August 2008-<p>

"I would look so fat in that."

"No they could fit it to you and the belly," Vicki said holding up a satin dress that wouldn't have fit me over my thighs now. With a roll of my eyes, I walked by and rejected

everything that would have made me look like a marshmallow. I was being forced to waddle through a store with an endless amount of tulle and taffeta. I would have settled for

something plain and black but Edward wanted something that resembled a wedding picture.

We had a baby coming so paying a few hundred dollars for a dress that I would never wear again seemed a little irresponsible, even if Liz wanted to pay for it. I bypassed most

everything and went straight to the sale section in the back. Most dresses couldn't accommodate my belly but there was one that looked short, flowy and most importantly cheap. I

let Vicki and Liz continue searching as I tried on the one dress that didn't look too over the top.

"Bella, you in there?" Vicki whispered we were the only ones in the shop, who else would it have been?

"Yes."

"I have a few dresses for you to try on."

"I don't think I need it," I tied the straps behind my neck, looking in the mirror. It was white like Edward requested, it was a halter top, the material draped perfectly on my stomach

stopping at my knees.

Did I look crazy fat? Yes but there wasn't a dress in the world that would hide my fatness.

Did I look pretty, like Edward wanted? I thought so. I opened the curtain and was met with two 'awwws' right away.

"It's perfect," Liz said, smiling.

"Yeah, you don't even look as big as usual," Vicki said then immediately apologizing after a quick elbow from my future mother in law.

*-WWS-*

"Baby go it will make you feel better."

"So you mean I will look better?" I said, not wanting to wake up and not wanting to go get prettied up with Vicki. I wanted to sleep just a little bit more then get up and get ready to

get married. I didn't need a mani and pedi to feel pretty; nothing would make my pale, tired face look better.

"No, I meant you will feel better, you always look beautiful."

"Yeah?" I finally cracked an eye open and saw Edward, looking all sexy in his uniform, well it was really just blue work pants and a white undershirt but he looked so good. He always

did, I wished I could keep up with him, look as good as I used to. I wanted to laugh at the thought, I was almost seventeen and past my prime.

"I can barely keep my hands off you," he said as he felt me up. "Now get up and get pretty so I can marry you then consummate it, a lot, all night."

"I like that idea," I breathed out, as he kissed up and down and all over my neck, it was a good way to start the day. He always knew what to say to make me feel better. "Okay,

okay, I'm up and need to pee."

"Okay, you go pee, I gotta go to work. Vicki will be here in a half hour and I brought down some fruit and yogurt for breakfast," he said with a smile, like he did something great but

he knew better. "Oh and a smores Pop-Tarts."

Yup, he definitely knew better.

I showered, ate my unhealthy breakfast and got dressed in Edward's pajama pants and a tank top. It was my wedding day; it was totally acceptable to have half of my belly

showing. Walking upstairs, something felt off but I didn't have enough time to think about it, Vicki was already here and I was running five minutes late.

We drove to a little spa in Port Angeles, it was a wedding present from my best friend but since she didn't have a job, it was really from her parents. I didn't complain once I was

getting a foot massage, it felt so good, not that I would tell Edward he was right. Liz told me to never let my husband know that he was right; it would set a bad precedent.

The older hairdresser asked a bazillion questions about the baby and wedding, as if we planned any of this. I had to tell her how far along I was and let her feel the baby, explain to

her that there was no sentimental reason behind our wedding date, September tenth.

Vicki finally decided to stop for snack after a lot of begging for an ice cream from me, so we were a few minutes late but the baby was happy, that should have been all that

mattered. We rushed into the house to get dressed but there was Edward looking way too good to be marrying me but he looked at me with that same _I'm so lucky _look in his eyes

then got yelled at because seeing the bride was supposedly bad luck.

Liz helped me get dressed in the bathroom; once the straps were tied and a little lipstick was reapplied, I had to admit, I looked so pretty. I definitely wasn't exactly how I pictured

my wedding day but it was good enough, I was marrying Edward that was all that mattered.

We walked back into the kitchen, my dad and almost husband looked deep in conversation, I wondered if I was interrupting something important. Not that it mattered, once they

saw me, they smiled and walked towards me but Charlie stopped letting Edward hug me tight, ignoring more talk about bad luck. We didn't need luck, we had each other.

"We look kind of good, huh?" I said into his ear then kissed him on the cheek again. "You ready to be a one woman man?"

"I suppose," he sighed all over dramatic, he was a million more times ready for this than me and we both knew it.

"I have a little wedding present for you," he said lifting my hand and putting on a beautiful dainty silver bracelet that sparkled in the light. I swooned internally, thanking him and

kissing him for the sweet gesture.

"Okay let's go," I kissed him again, pulling him towards the front door.

"I actually have another surprise," Edward said, looking nervous and making me nervous. He walked to the refrigerator and handed me a little bouquet all white and pale blue

flowers.

"Don't be mad, I just-" his words trailed off as he looked right into my eyes. I was getting a little nervous because it was getting a little late and the town hall closed in an hour; he

needed to just spit it out so we could go. I wasn't a fan of the whole marriage idea but the thought of Edward having a sudden change of heart was too much for me.

"I just wanted you to have this day, you deserve so much more than just this but it's all I could do. You deserved a real wedding, now not later." I melted at his words because he

went on to tell me that he had set up a real wedding with guests and flowers and food. He knew that I wanted a real wedding someday and that day was today, we deserved it, no

matter what.

"Are you serious? Who's here?" I asked nervously. I wasn't prepared for anyone else besides my dad and Edward's parents. I wanted to be mad that he went had and did all this but

he looked scared enough as it was and really it was the sweetest thing he could have ever done for me, and us.

"You'll see," he said with a kiss. I was pretty sure the rules stated that we shouldn't have kissed before we said we said our I Do's but I bet we weren't suppose to have woke up

together this morning or be having a baby. "I'll be the one at the end of the aisle. I love you."

I knew he was joking, the backyard wasn't that big but it didn't do anything to settle my nerves. I watched as Edward and his parents went out the patio door, only now noticing that

it was covered, not letting me see out the back. I really hoped they didn't go all out but the fact that anyone did anything made me tear up.

"You ready kiddo? " Charlie asked after a few quiet minutes with his arm held out, waiting for me to slip my hand through and make out way out back.

"I wouldn't have missed the chance to walk you down the aisle, for anything."

I wasn't used to this side of Charlie but he was so sincere, he looked at me like he used to, like I was the still his little girl just growing up. I thanked him, both of us knowing that it

was for so much for then just walking my towards my future, it was for everything.

He pulled open the slider and we walked out at the start of the sun setting, giving us the prettiest background. Walking down the stairs, I tried to take in and appreciate everything

that Edward had done for me.

The backyard was transformed into a sparkling wonderland with flowers down either side of what was now an aisle, tables on each side. Even if I had tried, nothing I could have

come up with would have been as perfect as this. I smiled at Edward's grandparents, who had flown all the way from California and Riley who must have come home from football

camp early.

Everything was just so much more than I could have ever wanted, no matter how much we had fucked up our plans but hopefully not our lives. In this moment, everything was just

right. Charlie shook Edward's hand, kissed my cheek giving me away, years earlier than he ever would have thought.

I couldn't stop smiling at Edward as our hands were entwined while the justice of the peace saying something about this day being the first day of our life together but never the

most important, each day together would be better than the last. The ceremony was short, thank good, the heels I just had to wear were killing me and I had to pee again.

We hadn't talked about writing our own vows but when it came time for Edward to repeat after the justice of the peace, like I had, he took over and said his own thing. He held my

hands and looked into my eyes, took a deep breath and started.

"I, Edward, choose you, Bella, to be my everything. My best friend, soul mate and partner. I know that together we can accomplish anything, that together we are better than we

are alone. When you need someone to encourage you, it will be me. When you have something to share, share it with me. Bella, I promise to do my best to make our lives better

and better from this day on because you're my everything and I want to be yours. I love you."

He wasn't halfway through when the tears really started to fall, as if that was hard nowadays but his words were just perfect and just another reason why I was so lucky to have

him, forever.

We were married and now it was sealed with a kiss, a short one, I was too embarrassed to go all out like Edward wanted. Everyone clapped and instead of walking back down the

tiny aisle, they walked to us. We were hugged and kissed, my belly was touched far too many times and then finally I was able to pee again.

I was expecting a small dinner at the Lodge after we were married but the food that Edward's parents made was definitely better and the fact that I got to dance with my dad and

father in law made everything even better.

The few guests started to leave as Edward dragged me to the edge of the yard facing the woods and the stars. I leaned back into him as his hands held me and my belly,

completely relaxed by his touch; I cringed when strangers would come up and feel up my bump but with him it felt nice, it felt right. We gently swayed to the soft music as Edward

whispered the words to a song I had never heard but was just right for us.

"You feel that?" I asked, looking back at my husband; that would take some time to get used to. Anthony was kicking up a storm, letting us know that he was wide awake and wanted

some attention.

"I think he's going to play soccer," he said kissing my neck.

"I think so," I said and we both laughed, the kicking still hadn't let up. "Thank you for this, it's perfect."

"I'm glad. You're my beautiful girl, I want you to have everything in the world, you deserve it. You're going to be a great wife and the best mother." He was being so sincere and

sweet. He always knew the right words to say to make me smile, to make everything better.

Our private moment ended once I had to pee again but nothing could have ruined our night for anything. I was the luckiest girl in the world.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!

E and B's wedding song was Echo by Incubus, which just happened to be mine too. What was yours?


	20. Chapter 20

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for gChatting with about spongy tissue.

* * *

><p>EPOV September 2008-<p>

Holy shit, there's a head sticking out of my best friend, my Bella. This is insane.

My dad said that this would be the most beautiful thing I would ever see, the best day of my life but he was wrong. So so wrong and I might have been

a little sick. This isn't a miracle, far from it; it was practically assault on my beautiful wife. I didn't know it would be like this, not even with all of the

research I had done and books I had read. And I had read a lot.

For the last week, Bella had become increasingly uncomfortable in every sense of the word. She could barely sleep for more than a few hours, had to pee

all the time and her feet swelled up, like double the size. We had our appointment, which was now every week and were told that Bella was two

centimeters dilated but most likely she probably still had another week to go. Bella wasn't hearing that and decided to walk, all the fucking time and I

had to walk with her. Dad had let me cut back my hours at the shop, between school and Bella, I didn't have much free time. I would come home from

school and there was Bella with her sneakers on, her belly was poking out from her still tiny body like a watermelon; she kind of looked like she would

topple over at any minute.

We would walk for as long as she could stand it and then she would beg me to carry her home, I just couldn't, there was too much of her. I never

actually said the words to her, I knew better. I tried to be helpful, came up with a few ideas to move things along, even though she was only thirty-eight

weeks and two days along with infrequent contractions.

"Do you want to have sex?" I asked, looking over at her lying across our bed. I couldn't even see her face, her stomach was that big.

"Seriously Edward? Do I look like I want to do it?" she said in her most sarcastic voice.

"No obviously not but I read that it helps move things along."

"Are you lying just to have sex?"

"No I swear, I read it!"

She demanded proof, rolled herself off the bed and waddled over to me and after reading over the site, she said 'fine, let's go.' So in a completely unsexy

way we had sex and it was barely enjoyable for her; for me, it was great, it was sex. I even tried stimulating her nipples, another tip I read but was

swatted away, apparently, she was too sore for that.

The sex did nothing, I offered again two days later but she gave me the finger and made me go for another walk.

Four days later, it was Sunday, our only real free day together. I had planned to get all the last minute things ready for Anthony. I was up before my girl

so I went upstairs and grabbed her some breakfast then went back down. Bella was awake, sitting up and looking a little confused.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I think I peed myself," she said quietly. I couldn't help but laughed because you either peed yourself, which is just gross and not a pregnancy side effect

I had read about, or you didn't, there shouldn't have been a question.

"Bella, what do you mean?"

"Look," she said pointing down to the sheets. There was a small wet spot, definitely not pee or at least it didn't smell like it. "Eww, don't smell it, gross."

"I don't think it's pee."

"Well you would now, you smelled it, nasty. My underwear is wet, I think it's pee."

"It might be your water breaking," I suggested, remembering that it wasn't always a gush of fluid, sometimes it was a slow thing.

"You think?"

I shrugged my shoulders and decided to call the doctor after we timed four contractions. They were irregular at eleven, fourteen, nine and eleven

minutes apart, the doctor said to keep an eye on the clock, the amount of discharge and call the office back in the afternoon. She also said that Bella

would most likely need to be induced by the end of the day if labor hadn't progressed.

We tried to go about our day, not obsessing over the fact that Anthony would probably be here soon, tomorrow night at the latest. The thought was

terrifying, the last seven months were not enough time to really prepare. I thought we both needed another few months to let the fact that we were

going to be parents really sink in. We did a few small errands, ran to the grocery store and packed her bag for the hospital. The fluid was slow but

consistent and the contractions were beginning to become more regular, ten minutes. It was getting closer; Bella was surprisingly calm while I was not. I

paced around our room, made sure all the baby clothes were cleaned and put away.

"Can you stop?" Bella asked as I was vacuuming.

"What?"

"Everything, that is so loud and as you race around me, it makes me want to hit you so please stop."

I stopped; my mother suggested eating because Bella might not be able to eat at the hospital. I held Bella's hand as she walked up the stairs; we ate

sandwiches and ice cream. She looked so uncomfortable every time a contraction hit but she never complained she was amazing. I was discreetly timing

each one, going off the deep breaths she would take, every seven minutes. It was time.

We arrived at the hospital and in were in a room by five-thirty, I resumed the pacing, knowing that Bella didn't want me to hold her hand or speak at all.

That was all she said 'Please be quiet, 'go over there' and she promised that 'it wasn't that bad.'

A doctor, not Bella's doctor came in and said that Bella was eight centimeters dilated and shouldn't be too much longer. He offered an epidural, which she

declined, not caring that it wouldn't be an option after a certain point. The contractions became much more intense, Bella started breathing deeper and

asked me to massage her lower back; finally I had something useful to do. I rubbed as hard as I could and tried to breath in sync with her but was told

to stop, just the breathing not the rubbing.

By ten, I was ready to try to pull the baby out, even with the rubbing her back whenever she asked, I had never felt more useless and incompetent. My

favorite person in the world was laying there with her eyes closed, in pain and there was nothing I could but hold her hand. But Bella was perfect, so

quiet, so patient and so calm. I'm sure on the inside she was freaking out I know I was.

Until the doctor came back minutes later, examined Bella and said that she could start pushing at any time. That was too much for Bella, she started to

tear up and asked to wait until her doctor was there, until her mom could come, even though she was already in Phoenix and completely uninterested. I

held her hand and tried to calm her down but she just cried quietly and said she didn't feel ready and that she needed more time.

A nurse set up the room and the doctor came back and again said that it was time to push. And with tears rolling down her face, she pushed with

everything she had. She was so quiet, I thought there would be screaming, swearing and threats of never letting me touch her again but there was

nothing it was a little unnerving.

The doctor didn't say much but would encourage Bella to push a little harder or a little longer; I wanted to punch him. Didn't he see how amazing she

was right now? I did, I was in awe of her, I probably would have done the screaming and the crying.

Then the doctor asked if I wanted to hold a leg and watch my son being born. I should have said no but was afraid of looking like an asshole.

"You're doing so great beautiful girl," I said, hoping to encourage her, letting go of her hand and switching with a nurse. It was gross, I was sweating

and I was just holding her leg, I couldn't even imagine how Bella was feeling.

Bella pushed and turned red, she pushed again and got even redder. I held one of her legs and tried to be as quiet but encouraging as I could be

without annoying her. She quietly pushed and cried and pushed and cried for forty-five minutes, Anthony was almost here but it was going slow, the

doctor said.

"Come one Bella, one more big push," the nurse who was holding her hand said. I looked at Bella and she was so tired and annoyed with everyone at

that point so I politely asked her to be quiet.

Minutes passed like hours but the doctor said to "push one more time" for the fifth time and there he was.

So tiny. So gross looking but somehow perfect and I swear he looked at me and knew me. I was probably wrong but I the first time I looked into his

grayish eyes it felt like he knew me. I knew him and for as unready as I felt and for as unprepared for parenthood as I was, he was put into my arms and

it was just right.

I cried holding him, Bella said she needed a few minutes to just breathe. I took advantage of those minutes with my son because once Bella got him I

knew she wouldn't let him go, I know I didn't want to.

And I cried when Bella finally held him but she was a quiet and calm as she had been the whole night and the moment she looked at him all the pain she

had felt was gone, I saw it disappear.

Bella was beaming. I leaned down and kissed her forehead then rested my head against hers. We were quiet, saying nothing, just staring at our baby, I

was feeling things I had never thought possible. I was silently making promises to love him, to take care of him and protect him from everything bad. He

would only know smiles and happiness and pure never-ending love. Bella tried breastfeeding a little while later, once we were in our own room, she said

it was painless but uncomfortable but wanted to keep trying. She was so exhausted and finally able to sleep, so I let her and took my first stab at daddy

hood.

It seemed pretty simple, for now, he was sleeping next to her, in his bassinet. His hair was so dark just like Bella's and for now his eyes were that

newborn baby color, it would change, I was told. Maybe they would be green like mine or dark like Bella's or something in between. I had no idea no idea

what to expect from this day or the next but I couldn't wait. After holding my son, no one could ever say that he was mistake, too early, yes but never a

mistake.

Bella and I would make this work.

* * *

><p>Is this how your deliverly went down?<p>

Me? Not so much! I wanted a natural birth, so badly was was told that my son was gigantic and I needed a C-Section. I begged that doctor to be gentle with my baby because I watched those baby shows and I didn't like how they yanked on the babies arms until they were out. Luckily she just laughed and did her thing; twenty minutes laster I had a beautiful 8lbs13oz little boy :)


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and it's her birthday week so I'm sending her virtual hugs!

* * *

><p>BPOV September 2008-<p>

He was so tiny, his ten little fingers and toes, all so tiny and cute.

I was scared shitless, so scared to even hold him; he was the first baby I had ever held. When Edward put him in my arms, I was prepared to feel this weight of my son and love crush onto me but he was nearly

weightless and the love was more like nerves. I wasn't prepared for this, at all but just like childbirth, I quietly pretended to be okay, like I knew what I was doing.

It became too overwhelming for me, Edward could tell and offered to take the first shift of parenthood so I could sleep, I did so happily. My body was exhausted but mostly, I just needed some time not pretending to

be happy, like Edward obviously was. I had tried to pretend that I was ready for a baby but the moment I saw him, I just knew, there was no way. I needed more time.

Now I was awake, the sun was hiding behind clouds; Edward and Anthony were asleep on the other side of the room. I knew I loved them more than life, my own life but I was so freaking scared. I could barely take

care of myself and my husband, I always forgot to switch over the laundry or when Liz worked late, we always ended up ordering pizza because I forgot to start dinner. But now, this little person was relying solely on

me for food and I couldn't even get that right without the nurse's help. She said it would take time, he and I would learn how to breastfeed together but I was already feeling like a failure. Everything was just too

much, too fast, too hard.

"Bella?" my dad said quietly, slowly opening the door. It was just ten minutes after visiting hours started, Liz and Ed were here last night and left early in the morning, promising to be back as soon as possible.

"Hey dad," I said smiling, trying to be quiet, not wanting to wake up Anthony and try breastfeeding again.

"I waited as long as I could, figured you needed some privacy."

We both laughed awkwardly, thank god he wasn't here last night, it was bad enough that Edward, watched a baby come out of me, no way did I want my dad here for that too.

"Wow, Bells, he looks like the perfect mix of the two of ya," Charlie said looking down at Anthony, as he slept. I could barely see his face but could see Edward's, as he slept on the cot the hospital provided. I could

definitely see some of Edward's features in Anthony like his eye shape and his nose but I didn't think he looked anything like me, minus the hair.

"Can I hold him?" he asked and I nodded. He looked so happy, probably like I should have felt; it was just too much for me right now.

We sat quietly, I watched as my dad just watched Anthony sleep and then smile as he woke up with a little grunt. He really was a beautiful baby.

"Best birthday present in the world huh?" Charlie asked, smiling down at his first grandchild, heck his only grandchild, for a very long time.

"Yeah, it's the best," I lied, watching as my dad stood and brought Anthony over to me, placing him in my hesitant arms. He could see my fears; I couldn't hide them as much as I tried.

"Bella, it's scary but you'll never regret this, you'll see."

Before I could answer Edward starting to stir and I didn't want him to hear how scared and uncomfortable I was with Anthony.

"Hey, beautiful girl," Edward said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Hey Charlie, he's perfect huh?" Edward bent down, kissing Anthony on the head and then me. He had that happy face that I was lacking, at

least one of us wasn't deficient in the parenting department.

"Just like his mother," my dad said with pride.

"Yeah," Edward agreed, they both looked so happy, making me feel even worse. "Have you tried to feed him again?" He asked holding one of Anthony's fingers, smiling down at the both of us.

"No but it's time, can you get me a blanket or something?" I wasn't exactly a breastfeeding pro and I didn't want my dad to see my boob.

"Don't grab one on my account, I have to get down to the station. Can you take a picture on my phone; I want to show off my grandson."

"Sure old man," Edward said laughing, taking my dad's phone and snapping a picture. I looked horrid but Anthony looked so sweet.

"You did good Bells, just give it some time, you'll see," Charlie said, leaning over me, kissing the both of us, just as Edward did minutes ago.

"Thanks for coming," I said, ignoring his promise of things getting better. They weren't bad just new and a little scary.

"Sure thing kiddo, I'll be back after work, want me to bring some dinner?"

"Hell yes, she refuses to eat anything," Edward said, answering for me. I wasn't trying to be difficult but the hospital food was just gross.

"Don't speak like that in front of my grandson," Charlie teased and then surprising me as much as Edward, he pulled him in for a one-armed hug. "You know what I mean now," he asked with a knowing smile.

I had no idea what he was talking about but Edward agreed quickly, "Yes sir, I do."

"Okay, I'll see you later."

I said my goodbye and awkwardly got Anthony into place, trying to help him latch on, after three tries I think we had it.

"You okay, baby?" He asked, looking a little concerned. It was frustrating; breastfeeding was hard, a lot harder than it looked. Thank god, it wasn't painful but I couldn't ever get into a comfortable position and he

couldn't stay awake long enough to get a full meal, meaning more frequent feedings. Hopefully I would get the hang of this fast.

"Yeah, I think we got it," I whispered, resisting the urge to stroke the side of my baby's face, he looked so peaceful because the nurse said that it was putting him to sleep.

"No, not the breastfeeding, are you okay?"

"I'm just overwhelmed but I'll figure it out," I promised, not believing the words as I said them.

"Whatever you need, Bella, I'm here for you."

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV December 2008-<p>

Without a doubt, I knew that I came second in both of their eyes, Bella was at Anthony's beck and call. She could be yelling at me in the bathroom because she wouldn't allow us to raise our voices in front

of him, then come out and be all sweet and smiley with him. And Anthony immediately smiled or calmed down when he saw his mommy, he laughed louder and harder with her than anyone.

I expected Anthony to naturally be closer to Bella because he spent nine months hanging out in her but as fucking stupid as it sounded I was jealous at how quickly Bella would push me aside for Anthony.

It was irrational but true, I missed her wanting to be around me all the time and she used to think I could do no wrong but now I could do no right, except diapers.

My dad said all this shit was just growing pains; it was hard to adjust to being a parent especially because we were so young, I just needed to man up and talk to her. So that was my plan when I got home

after school, I knew Anthony should have been asleep and my parents wouldn't be home for a while, it could just be us.

"Hi baby."

"Hi," she smiled back at me. She looked fucking hot wearing her tiny pajama shorts while standing at the sink, washing the dishes. She was like Mary Poppins lately, once she got used to the mommy thing

she became obsessed with being the best housewife in the history of housewives. She would cook dinner while my parents were at work and I was at school or work, the laundry was always done, she even

helped with my parents. I watched her wash whatever was left, I wanted my wife, so fucking bad, the talk could wait. It had been sixteen weeks since Anthony was born, ten weeks since we got the go

ahead to have sex again from the doctor and five months since we had last had sex, yes I was absolutely fucking counting.

I walked up behind her, skimming my hands down her sides, resting on her hips and kissed just under her ear she loved that shit. The weight had practically melted off of her but she was left with curves that she

never had before, she looked fucking sexy.

"I missed you today," I whispered, kissing her again and again.

"Anthony and I missed you too."

"Yeah?" I asked moving my hands from her hips to her lower stomach, pulling her back into me, letting her know my intentions in case she wasn't aware.

"Not now Edward," she said, killing my soul just a little, it had been so long. I didn't move my hand from her stomach, which was just as flat as before. That shit still surprised me considering she looked like

she had swallowed a beach ball just four months ago.

"Baby, I really need you," I said trying to actually talk but really only wanting to love her. She let me kiss her all over, while my hands roamed up her body, over her chest, thankfully she wasn't wearing a

bra. I barely squeezed her now bigger and fuller boobs but she whispered for me to be gentle, for the chance to be in her again, I would forgo one of my favorite's things, her boobs.

My hands worked their way down her body and into her shorts, into her panties, she let me run and stroke my absolute favorite spot in the world. She was so wet and ready for me as I slipped one finger in,

then two.

I loved and missed her sounds, her moans that only I would ever hear, just that thought made me harder, made me move in and out of her faster and rougher.

"You're so wet baby, you missed this?" I asked, needing to hear that she wanted me, as much as I wanted her. She didn't reply but leaned back against me, her arm snaked its way up into my hair, moving

my lips where she wanted them. Her moans got a little louder, she moved back against me a little more. She felt so fucking good as she came all over my fingers. I let her rapid breathing settle down before

I threw her on the table and fucked her so hard and fast or soft and slow whatever she wanted, I just wanted anything.

Just as I resumed my kissing, the baby monitor started alerting us to Anthony, just waking up. I knew we had a few minutes; I wouldn't need more than that right now.

Bella tried to move off my chest but I held her there, whispering that he would be fine for a few minutes. It eased her mind for just a moment but when he started to fuss again, his precursor to really

crying, she pushed me back with her tight ass. We were obviously done and only one of us had gotten off, I tried not to pout as she walked away and tried not to cry when she yelled at me to wash my

hands before coming back downstairs.

The moment was over but I planned on being all over her ass when second Anthony was fast asleep for the night. And for the record, for the night only meant five solid hours, which was not through the

night to me.

I washed my hands as instructed and followed Bella downstairs. She was changing Anthony, asking how his nap was, if he was down for some mommy and me yoga; not that he could answer back but he

cooed and squealed, just like he always did with her.

I showered and did homework while Bella actually did some yoga with the Anthony, he really did enjoy it. Bella claimed it helped them bond as if they needed more time bonding they did that all day. They

both laughed as her hair fell over his face and belly, they were too much of a distraction, a good distraction. I gave up on my English reading, wishing I could have gone the GED route like Bella but needed

to get my certification.

I joined in on the yoga session so Bella could shower and have a few minutes to herself, like she always complained she needed. I couldn't understand it, she spent her entire day with an infant that couldn't

talk was kinda of like being alone; I wished my days were so easy.

After dinner, I played gopher to Bella getting whatever she needed for Anthony, a diaper, lotion, pajamas. I finished my homework as she fed Anthony and put him to bed for the night. It was already

eleven-thirty, I was fucking exhausted but I needed Bella, especially after this afternoon.

I pretended to be deep into my reading while Bella got into her pajamas and ready for bed but the minute she came over to the couch to kiss me goodnight, I pulled her down into my lap.

"Hi," she whispered, trying to be so quiet.

"Hi," I wasn't as quiet but she didn't have time to reprimand me. I was all over her, my hands were everywhere, there was no way Anthony would get the chance to interrupt us this time.

"I'm so tired," Bella said. It should have stopped me but I couldn't so I begged because I wasn't above it at this point.

"Baby, it's been too long. I need you. Please?"

My begging paid off, she was kissing me as hard as I wanted, rolling her hips over me, turning me on, as if that was even possible. As much as I wanted her to fuck me like crazy right here, we were just

feet from the crib and that would have been weird. I stood as quickly as I could Bella still wrapped all around me. I planned on throwing her down on our bed and going at it but she whispered 'bathroom.' I

was a little confused but went into the bathroom. I dropped Bella on the counter and shut the door, looking at her waiting for an explanation.

"What? He's right there, sleeping, it would be weird, right?" I shrugged my shoulders, going to stand between her open legs. I didn't think it would be so weird, it's not like he would have been right next to

us and he was asleep, he wouldn't even have known.

I didn't wait for more words, Bella was obviously nervous about it, for some reason. I pulled her to the edge, kissing her with as much love as I could muster, it was tough. I loved her but right now, I just

wanted sex. We kissed, pulling each other's clothes off as we went, she slowly got as into it as I had been. Her hands were all over me, just like mine were touching everywhere I could. Seeing her naked,

just for me, she was so fucking hot, I had no words but in an instant Bella went from all riled up to uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping like hell she wouldn't stop this, I would if she really wanted me to but I really, really didn't want to.

"I hate the way I look now," she said being completely honest but to me that was just stupid. How could she not see how fucking perfect she looked, I'm sure every woman wished she looked just like Bella

so soon after pushing out a baby.

"I love it."

"Really?" she asked.

"Fuck, are you serious right now? I never want to stop touching you," I admitted, without shame I always wanted her. I could see that my little assurance made her smile so I continued my kissing and

touching. I was careful to be gentle with her boobs but she still hissed quietly, I just needed to stay away from them until the she was done breastfeeding I would survive.

I hooked my hands into the sides of her panties and gently tugged them down with a helpful raise of her hips. She was naked and perfect and I was naked and so fucking ready, it would be quick. I grabbed

my junk, rubbing my myself up and down her wetness, she was definitely ready for me. I pushed myself into her, we both moaned, it was so good. Bella was unusually quiet but looked so sexy with her

eyes closed, her back leaning against the mirror. I whispered how much I loved her, missed her, how good she felt.

Like I predicted, I wouldn't last long but unlike the first few times we had sex, I didn't give a shit, it had been a long time.

"That was quick," Bella joked, trying to be funny, she was lucky that I loved her.

"I was quick, you said you were tired. I was trying to be a gentleman," I said, joking back. I helped her with her shirt and put her hair into a ponytail.

"Sure, you were."

"Hey," I said slapping her ass as she was bent down putting on her pajama pants. "It's not my fault you felt that fucking good and it had been that fucking long."

She kissed me again, laughing at me, pulling me to bed. She snuggled in close to me, kissing me goodnight and promised that I would never have to wait that long again. I was totally holding her to that.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV SpringSummer 2009-

I was told that being a wife and mother would be the most important job I would ever have. And while I loved the idea of never having to actually get up and go to work, I hated the idea that being a wife and mother

would define me as a person. I wasn't the girl who dreamed of having kids and a white picket fence, I dreamed of publishing books and lofts in the city.

But I agreed, being a mother was the most amazing job in the world or maybe it was just being Anthony's mom. I relished being the first to pick him up in the morning, change his diaper and rock with him in the

rocking chair while he ate breakfast. Every moment seemed to be perfect, even his crying fits couldn't make me so frustrated that I needed more than a few minutes away from him. I loved being the only one to feed

him, to have those few quiet, special moments with him; I knew they wouldn't last forever. I loved being the only one to bathe him, not that Edward couldn't do it, he just couldn't do it as good as me. But I didn't

mind letting Edward tackle the diapers, no one actually liked doing that but he needed to do something, it wasn't my fault I got all the fun things.

It took me exactly three days to fall madly in love with my son; it was just before midnight on my birthday. Anthony was eating while we rocked in the chair that Liz and Ed surprised me with when we got home from

the hospital. I told Edward to go to sleep, after he had changed his diaper and handed him over to be fed, it was dark but I could see his face perfectly. He was looking up at me and I swear he looked at me like I was

his entire world, like he loved me more than the words he didn't have yet. It made my eyes water, my heart clench with that love, the love I thought I was supposed to feel the minute he was put into my arms.

I watched him as he ate, I made these crazy, impossible promises to protect him from everything bad and love him forever.

In that instant, Anthony became my entire world, my everything. From that moment on, I was the happiest mom in the world. I loved feeding him, going on walks when the weather allowed it, lying on the floor doing

tummy time with him. I made sure that our room was always clean and there was never dirty laundry lying around, which always meant following Edward around because he just liked to leave them wherever he

wanted.

I was trying to be the best mother, wife and daughter in law in the entire world. I made dinner whenever Liz worked late, I didn't want to feel like we were taking advantage of their generosity. We were living there

for free, they bought diapers and wipes all the time, even though Edward was working part time at the garage and had the money for it; they wanted us to save up as much money as possible. They were so great to

us, offering to watch Anthony so we could have a little time alone together. Since my mother was long gone and hadn't tried to contact me, I realized how lucky I was to have Charlie and now Liz and Ed; they were

the best parents in the world.

I thought I was doing everything right but after a few months, I realized I was failing in the wife department. I was petrified of having sex again. I was scared of getting pregnant again. That was silly though, I had

gotten a prescription for birth control pills at my six week check up. Besides my fear of another pregnancy, I couldn't even entertain the thought of sex, I was a mother now. I would almost cringe when Edward would

try and kiss on me, knowing he wanted to do it, it felt dirty. I avoided it for weeks, according to Edward, it had been four months. I talked to Liz; it was hands down the most embarrassing conversation of all time. I

was talking to my mother in law about having sex with her son but I didn't have anyone else to talk to.

I told her my fears, as stupid as they were and then told her about me being a mother and that to me, mothers shouldn't have sex. After she was done laughing at me, she said it was probably normal and that I

needed to learn how to separate the two because, and I quote "mothers most definitely have sex." I wanted to gag a little at that thought because she was a mother, kind of like my mother, and my mind just didn't

want to go there. With a little push from Edward, I became the mom who had sex and it was great, it felt like a little part of me came back to life.

Time flew; Edward graduated from school and immediately started at the garage with his father. It was silly for me to be jealous but I was. I didn't get to walk across the stage in that hideous yellow gown or throw

my cap into the air. I was sitting in the audience, watching, wishing I was sitting next to Edward.

It's not that I didn't love being a mom, I really did, I just wanted something more.

I loved watching Anthony learn new and exciting things like how to crawl and walk. And I swear my life was complete, my heart was so full that it felt like it would burst, when he called me 'mumma' for the first time.

The longer I was a mom the better it was. Or maybe it wasn't the mom thing that bothered me at all; maybe it was the wife role that I hated. I was Edward's maid, chef and sex goddess, all rolled into one. I didn't

mind that last title at all though, everything else kind of sucked. We would fight about silly, stupid things and have lots of make up sex. Edward said we needed more space, a place of our own, to be family with just

the three of us.

So now, we were in a shitty two bedroom apartment close to his dad's garage but even closer to the slummiest part of town. I would endure the apartment because Edward said it would get us closer to making our

dreams happen. Even though sometimes it felt like Edward wanted different things than me but when he said that I knew we were good.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	24. Chapter 24

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV October 2009-<p>

Time flies when you're having fun.

The last year flew by not that it was all fun.

If someone ever tells you that becoming parents brings two people together, they are fucking lying. At first, it was great, now it was real life and real life sucked.

Bella was the best mother in the world, I would know my mother was the best and Bella learned from her. Anthony was the cutest kid in the world, the perfect mix of Bella and me. He had her dark hair and

eyes but my all my features, the nose, chin, eye shape, face shape. And he was advanced, I wasn't being biased because he was mine, he was really smart. He was pulling himself up on the edge of the

coffee table and taking side steps when he was only nine months that shit was advanced. And now, at thirteen months he had a few words down and was running around like a wild man.

The problem was Bella and I, as parents, we were constantly getting on each other's nerves. She hated the way I did everything, I hated that she constantly criticized me so I just let her do it all. Then she

would bitch that I never helped with the baby, and then it turned into me never helping around the house. She had a hard time remembering that I had just graduated high school and immediately starting

at the garage full time, she was the one with a shitload of free time.

The only thing we did good was each other. Once she got over whatever hang ups she had, our sex was on fire. We were all over each other almost every night or whenever my parents would offer to watch

Anthony so we could have 'alone time.' My parents were great like that but I thought that maybe some of our issues were because we didn't have much space. The basement wasn't small but it wasn't huge

and Anthony was almost a year and needed his own bedroom.

I thought my suggestion of finding an apartment of our own would help the problems we were having and she seemed to love the idea. It took us two months to find a place because she was picky while all

I cared about was it being affordable.

I made good money working with my dad at the garage but spending eight hundred on house seemed like a waste if we weren't buying, which I wasn't opposed to. I thought that was some grown up shit,

buying a house but Bella just rolled her eyes and said that we were still moving to New York and asked if I had forgotten our plans. I wanted to scream that of course I hadn't forgotten, she never stopped

bringing them up long enough for me to fucking forget. I was realistic, Forks was where we needed to be, my job was here and so were our parents. How would I ever get a job? I mean, did anyone actually

drive in New York City? I was just practical; Bella hated practical.

While Bella wanted the eight hundred dollar rental with three bedrooms and a nice backyard, I wanted the five hundred and fifty a month, two bedroom apartment close to the park and even closer to the

garage. I only won out because I mention that cheaper rent got us closer to our plans, I was trying to appease and her dreams but really ignoring them, hopefully my tactic would work forever.

The move was easy, we didn't have much and shit between us did get a little better. I still got yelled at her leaving my clothes everywhere but really if it was so easy for me to pick them up and put them in

the hamper than why was it so hard for her to do it and not always bitch? And not being at home meant Bella didn't have someone to baby-sit at the drop of a dime, she didn't like that.

Being on our own was an adjustment but we made it work, I was happy. I had my girl, Anthony and a job that I really liked; I'm pretty sure life couldn't be better than that. Bella was hard to read, she

smiled a lot but mostly at Anthony, she always said she loved me but one night I asked her if she loved our life and she said nothing.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV February 2010-<p>

One course, one professor changed my outlook. I wouldn't say that I'm happy now but maybe having one thing just for myself is a start. Six months ago, Edward asked me if I was happy, I didn't want to be

dishonest. I didn't say that I wasn't happy or that our life was boring or that I wanted excitement. I didn't say anything at all, I did snuggle in closer to him and went to sleep. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, no

matter, what I loved him. He never asked again but supported me when I wanted to start taking courses at Peninsula Community College.

"But what was the story really about?" my professor asked the class, bringing my attention back to the present.

This wasn't your average class of students who were quiet and reluctant to voice their opinions but then again Professor Whitlock or Alice as she wanted to be called wasn't your average professor. She was hands

down the best teacher I had ever had; she made everything more interesting. She had a way about her; she moved so gracefully across the front of the room despite being so tall and lanky. She wasn't the stand in

front of a podium and lecture to death type; we discussed our writing, Tuesday with Morrie and pulled out our ideas without pulling. She said that the first draft of my final paper was perfection; I just might have

been her favorite student.

Her class, my first college course, put the light back into my eyes, so to speak. I started reading again, something I stopped when Anthony was born. And the words started pouring out of me again, it was hard to

find the time to do it but it was important to me, so I made it happen. I finally had something that was just for me, not only was my love for reading and writing renewed, I also could to be around other people my

age and have adult conversations. It filled a void that I didn't really know was there.

Life at home was the same but different.

Anthony was a precocious eighteen month old who got into everything but would randomly sit on my lap and snuggle into me. Edward was well, well he was kind of an asshole. He said the apartment would help with

some of the issues we were having when we lived at his parent's house but nothing really changed. I still had to pester him about everything or nothing would get done. I was a wife to someone who I used loved

more than anything, but when he walked in at the end of the day I had to control the eye rolls. He was like my second kid; I had to do everything for him, his laundry, cook his food and make sure he got up in time

for work.

And for the last two years I had listened to him go on about carburetors and fuel lines and he couldn't even pretend to listen to me talk about class or the story I had started to write. He supported my taking classes

but would bitch about me studying or having a night class. I found it hard to relate to him anymore, it was a strange feeling, for years he was my everything and now he was just my husband, the person I lived with.

* * *

><p>Can you relate to Bella? I certainly can and it feels just miserable.<p>

I can update tonight or tomorrow, what do people think?


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being my favorite.

* * *

><p>EPOV Spring 2010-<p>

"I'm so bored," Bella said, flinging herself down on the bed, just watching me put away my clothes.

"I'm exhausted baby, I been working all day," I tried not to sound as pissed off as I was, I had been at work for thirteen hours and the minute I walked in Bella was hounding me to put my shit away. She

glared at me, hard and I wasn't in the mood to hear that she worked all day as well, she was home with Anthony. Yeah it was work but it wasn't physically demanding and exhausting, like my job.

"Want me to go ask my mom to watch Anthony; we can go out to dinner then maybe to Mill Creek?" I offered, trying to appease my wife.

'Mill Creek? Fine, it's better than staying at home," she rolled her eyes. She hated that a Friday night out anywhere around here was like a high school reunion minus the people who were 'lucky enough to

break the fuck out of this shithole,' as she liked to say. But whether she liked it or not we lived in Forks, that wasn't changing so it was either Mill Creek or bowling at Sunset Lanes.

"Hey ma?" I said in the phone, searching through the fridge because Bella didn't make dinner, again.

"Hi sweetie, how was work today?" She asked it was nice that someone cared enough to ask. We talked about how good Emmett was doing and how busy the garage had been, it was nice to just talk about

it with someone wouldn't put it down, like Bella usually did. My mom immediately agreed to watch Anthony for the night, letting us have some time alone, she loved watching him whenever she got the chance. I told

her I would bring him over in a few, giving Bella some time to get ready.

I walked back into the bedroom, after dropping Anthony off to my parents and there was Bella, lying face down on the bed writing away on her laptop, an anniversary/birthday present she picked out. Her

hair hung down like a curtain of dark curls, hiding her beautiful face from me, not that it mattered my eyes were glued to her ass. The dark jeans were so tight, she looked fucking hot. Too hot to leave the

house, I wondered if Bella would want to stay in, probably not.

"Get changed, I'm starving and want to go," she said turning her head towards me, even when she was ordering me around she looked good.

"I'm starving," I said, my words and smile oozing sexual innuendo, she knew exactly what I was referring to.

"Then we should go," she said closing the top to her computer then rolling onto her back, leaning back on her elbows, sticking out her chest.

"Or we could stay in." I unbuttoned my work shirt, took off my t-shirt, kicked off me shoes and socks and crawled on and up the bed, leaning over her.

We kissed and fucked and were in the car in a half hour, Bella even had time to remind me that my shoes should have been taken off at the door and not by our bed.

"So how was your day?" I asked, trying to start our night off right. I was still exhausted but now extremely fucking satisfied. But Bella looked too good to stay in, those were her words not mine after I

asked for a second round and take out.

"It was good; actually, I wrote a lot."

"Oh yeah? About what?"

"I had this dream last night, it was incredible and beautiful," she went into crazy details about her dream and I tried my hardest to stay tuned in but she was talking about wildflowers, a meadow and

vampires; it wasn't my kind of thing.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"What? Yeah. Of course, I am," I trailed off because I wasn't convincing her; I had tuned her out five minutes ago.

"Whatever," she breathed out and looked out the window, staying quiet until we parked at the restaurant. It was crowded; Bella groaned that she wasn't in the mood for Forks High School 2.0.

"I'm sorry, let's forget it. I'm off tomorrow, what should we do?" I tried changing the subject, trying to turn our night around.

I requested a table for two and we were seated right away.

"Seriously? I was telling you about my story and you ignore me then you want to talk about our plans for tomorrow?"

I gave a wave and nod to some guys I graduated with while Bella ignored them; she used to be Miss Popular but now was completely antisocial. I let her stew for a few minutes, looking over the menu even

though it hadn't changed in years, that was just another thing that annoyed Bella, she always complained about the same old, same old.

"So tomorrow?" I asked, hoping enough time had passed for her bitch attitude to pass.

"Yeah?" Nope not enough time.

"I was thinking about asking our parents and Emmett to come over and do some grilling, have a little cookout, you could meet his wife and kids." Em was bothering me to try and arrange a get together so

Bella and Rose could finally meet, he said that his wife needed some friends who didn't live in a trailer park and have five kids running around. I already knew that our wives wouldn't get along but I would

try anything to get Bella to stop her bitch act, maybe a new friend would help.

"So on our one day free of school and work you want me to entertain for you?" she was pissed, so much for an enjoyable night out as husband and wife.

"It's a cookout Bella, there isn't much to do, just put out some mustard and ketchup," I argued, if she wanted to act like a bitch, I could speak to her like one. Two could play this game, I was sick of being

her verbal punching bag.

"Right so the hot dogs, hamburgers, buns, drinks, desserts, plates and napkins will all just magically appear. Oh and the house will absolutely clean itself."

We ordered our food and it had arrived before she spoke again. "I had plans to meet up with Alice to go over her notes for my story."

"So invite her along, it would be nice to meet her, I have heard about her for months," to have a peaceful meal I was willing to let our minifight go unmentioned.

"Invite her to our white trash cookout? No thank you," she said laughing, I was not assumed.

"What the fuck, Bella?"

"What?" she asked between bites, acting like she didn't just completely insult me and our family.

"What was that?"

"A joke?"

"Really fucking funny. I guess, I missed the part where you became so uppity and high class, must really suck to be married to a lowly mechanic, we can't all be fucking professors like Alice or her douche

bag husband," I bit back not even trying to hid my hurt.

"I didn't mean it like that," she tried, playing off the shit she said. The worst part to me was that I could see the truth on her face; she really thought about our life and family like that.

"Yeah, you did."

And that was our night, we didn't talk through the rest of dinner, instead of dancing in the backroom or playing some pool together, I joined some guys and played a few rounds of darts. I didn't give a fuck

that she sat alone, writing on some paper, who the fuck knows where she even got it from. I was sick and fucking tired of her bullshit. I tried to have a nice night out with her and she seemed determined to

be fucking miserable.

We went home in the same silence that had plagued us for hours, she at least had the decency to looked remorseful, not that she would ever say it. We walked in; I went to shower, not in the mood for

another round of nasty words.

I let the hot water pour down on me, my anger draining away with the water, I hated nothing more than fighting with Bella but her attitude made it so hard to ignore sometimes. I dried off and went back to

our bedroom to find Bella leaning again the headboard, reading a book. Not wanting to go to sleep with wet hair, I sat on the edge of the bed, watching Sports Center.

It wasn't long before the bed was moving, to feel my wife's soft, small hands rub my back. She massaged the stress away; it was her way of apologizing without actually saying the words.

I was relaxed, I didn't move my head away as she peppered the back of my neck with kisses or when she straddled my lap somehow already naked, pushing my towel off.

"Baby love me," she whispered, her arms wrapped loosely around my neck, her chest pressing against mine. I leaned into her wrapping my arms around her; my body always wanted her touch, craved her

closeness and warmth.

She didn't say anything else; she pushed down on me, moving slowly over me. Her pace quickened, she moaned, I kissed her all over, touched her everywhere. I loved her the only way I could anymore,

being together like this was the only time that we made sense anymore.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

See you tomorrow :)


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>BPOV Spring 2010-<p>

Dear Bella,

I hope this letter finds you well and happy. I only ever wanted you to be happy, I hope you know that. Are you happy?

I'm sorry for the things I said, for running away, for leaving you to deal with everyone without me.

You and I, we were cut from the same cloth, like mother like daughter. I wanted to run away to the city, any city. I wanted late nights out with friends and a shitty job as a waitress trying to

make ends meet. I wanted fun and excitement but settled for a family.

I can't erase those words but I can explain them.

You always have been the most important thing in my life; being separated in both miles and life has hurt more than you will ever know. Don't ever do as I did, running away is never the answer

and just another thing I have to live with.

You might not regret your decisions, I never regretted you but I will always regret my complacency. I didn't need to get married or buy a house in Forks but did because that was what I 'should

have done it was the only thing I could do. But you could still have your dreams.

My disappointment in you and your decisions left me feeling like a failure as a parent. I raised you to not be that girl. That small town girl who marries the first guy who smiles at her and

somehow that is now you, twenty years ago that was me. I wanted so much more for you than settling, you are special too special to be stuck. Don't settle like I did, I never want to you to look

at your life and wonder how you got there.

I hope to hear back but will understand if you're not ready to talk.

I love you, I always have.

Renee

I should have ripped up the letter, I received two weeks ago but couldn't. I missed my mom more than I ever thought and hearing from her brought me some kind of relief, like maybe we could

repair what was broken between us. I never showed Edward the letter; he would have told me to just keep her out of our lives and out of my head. I wished I could have done just that but little

by little Renee's words ate away at me but not because they hurt but because they were true.

Day after day, I saw my life becoming exactly what I never wanted. I was stuck between the person I am, the person I want to be, and person I'm becoming. And I didn't know what to do about

it.

I wanted so much more than to be a housewife in Forks but here I was hosting a cookout like my husband wanted. I had to wake up early and run to the grocery store, we needed everything

including charcoal. I loved that Edward came up with idea but didn't plan on doing anything else except flip a few hamburgers, must be nice to be the guy. I bought everything we would need

and raced to my in laws house to get Anthony, I missed him like crazy. Liz being awesome offered to bring pasta salad and said that she was excited to meet Masen Mechanics newest employee.

Liz was the wife I wanted to be, happy. She seemed to actually enjoying entertaining guests, serving her husband dinner and making sure the house was always immaculate. I hated cooking,

cleaning, laundry and having people over. I was a total failure at being a wife.

I got home to Edward cleaning the living room; my jaw could have dropped at his attempt of helping out. Anthony ran right over to Edward yelling 'uppy,' and that was the end of his cleaning up

but I couldn't complain, I loved watching the two of them play together.

As much I loved it, I wished that were enough for me, it wasn't.

Our parents arrived a little before noon, pasta salad and beer in hand. We were able to talk and laughed before Emmett, the newest mechanic and his family showed up, empty handed, of

course. My dad was manning the grill while Liz asked how school was going and when finals would start but it was hard to get a word in edgewise. Rosalie wouldn't shut up about her kids it was

annoying.

"Oh today, EJ did the cutest thing." Rosalie McCarty said, droning on and on about her son, and this was after telling us about her little Janie was learning to crawl. Why was she telling us this, it

wasn't like we could see her baby bouncing on her knee or her kid, running around the yard.

I got up halfway through her story of how her son Emmett Junior got into the bathtub and starting kicking like he was in a pool, that wasn't cute; it was what every kid did. I had no interest in

other people's kids, hell I was lucky I even had interest in my son. I wasn't a kid person, unless it was my own.

I was pretty sure the day Edward came home and said 'we need to take on another guy,' was the worst day of my life. Or maybe it was today, or three hours ago when Edward said 'Bella,

meet Emmett, the new mechanic and his girl Rosalie.' I was being dramatic, I knew this but Rosalie was Emmett's wife and now we were supposed to be bff's because our husband's worked

together? No thank you.

Everyone left, while I was cleaning up trying to avoid Rosalie, she mentioned a playdate, that just wasn't happening. She was nice enough but seriously lacked a personality. She was beautiful

that was obvious but she couldn't carry on a conversation that didn't revolve around her kids. And she was a real winner in the mother department, not that I thought I was the best in the world,

but I certain didn't let Anthony drink soda at a two years old or smoke a cigarette with my baby hanging on my hip. I shouldn't have judged but it was really hard not too.

Edward lounged on the couch while I quickly finished the dishes; I pushed back my plans to meet up with Alice and didn't want to be late. He whined that I should stay home, watch the

basketball game with him; did he not know me at all? I kissed him goodbye and raced to coffee shop.

I ran in hoping me being fifteen minutes wasn't too much of a big deal, Alice was usually laid-back. Luckily, I saw her sitting in a corner sipping on her drink, reading my work.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

"Stop it, sit down," Alice said is her deep but musical voice. She sat there looking like the woman I wanted to be, her dark hair cut into a blunt bob, fitted button down shirt and tailored to

perfection pants while I was in jeans and a t-shirt, I always looked so frumpy compared to her.

"How was your day?" I asked, trying to make conversation but really wanting to know what she thought of my nearly completed book.

"Wonderful, Jasper and I had brunch with another couple and finalized our plans for the big move. You?"

"Fine, had a little family get together," I said, whishing I was the one finalizing plans to move to Seattle, not serving hot dogs and hamburgers.

"That sounds lovely. Can I be honest about this?" she asked, picking up my rough draft. Her opinion mattered, so much and she didn't sound impressed. I tried to keep my smile on, knowing

that everything you write can't be perfect but the way the words poured out of me, I thought it would be great.

"It's fantastic, Bella. Truly wonderful and even though it's a rough draft it's practically publishable."

"Are you kidding me?" I nearly shouted.

"I was hooked, captivated by Kristen, who oddly enough reminded me of you." She smiled, obviously referring to the fact that my main character was described as a plain beauty with long dark

hair, deep dark eyes and a heart shaped face.

"And Robert was dreamy; teenage girls will be swooning. Can I assume that the bronze haired vampire with golden eyes is based on your husband?"

"Yeah, he is," I admitted, smiling from ear to ear. It was on thing for me to actually like something I wrote but for Alice, my mentor to like it, maybe even love it was something else completely.

"You really like it?"

"I do and if you don't mind, I want to send it to an old friend of mine, she's a literary agent at Writer's House in Manhattan."

"What? Are you kidding me? I would love that." I could have jumped up and kissed her but that might be overstepping our student/teacher relationship.

"Good, I already did," Alice said. I couldn't help myself, I had to hug her so I did and she just laughed at my enthusiasm.

I went over a few of the notes she made, talked about things to add, things to leave out and then we talked about Renee. She was the one person I told about the letter, scared to even show my

father. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I don't think he had any idea how my mother really felt, for years, stuck. Alice gave great advice, then told me to follow my heart but to remember that

the heart is fickle and some decisions can't be unmade. I knew she was right but sometimes the urge to flee was overwhelming but never could I leave Anthony behind that was something I

would never understand about my mother.

We got the heavy out of the way and moved onto my letter of recommendation letter for the prestigious, ultra selective creative writing program at University of Washington. I hadn't filled

Edward in on my plans for applying next year but I was nearly finished at PCC and had no plans to stop my education. Plus the school offered family housing and childcare vouchers, it would be

perfect for us and Edward could find a job close by.

After three hours, I left feeling like I was floating on air, nothing could get me down except Edward not being on board with my plans for the future. Seattle wasn't New York City but it wasn't

Forks and that was all that mattered to me.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

See ya tomorrow!


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV Spring 2010-<p>

It was almost eight-thirty, where was my beautiful wife? I missed her so fucking much lately, in spite of her nasty attitude last night. We were definitely going through a little bit of a rough

spot but together there was nothing we couldn't push through. Once Anthony was down for the night, Bella and I would be talking, things needed to change, the fighting needed to stop. I

want my wife back, I wanted the Bella I fell in love with a lifetime ago back.

I heard the key in the door, finally, I was starving and Anthony had been whining for over an hour. Bella looked like she was floating on air, her smile so wide it made me smile. She looked

so fucking beautiful; hopefully the smile would stay on her face.

"Hi baby," I called still trying to soothe our crying son, he had been steadily whining and clingy for almost an hour.

"Hey, why's my love crying?" She asked after tossing her bag down on the table and taking Anthony from my lap. He immediately stopped crying, like always, he would have been glued to

her hip if he could have been.

"No idea, he has been a little for an hour or so."

"What did he have for dinner?" Bella asked and right away, I realized that if I was starving then so was Anthony, shit.

"I was waiting for you, I didn't even think about feeding him."

"You didn't eat dinner?" she asked looking over at me with a serious scowl. I was quickly seeing that I screwed up and should have figured out something for dinner well before she walked in

the door.

"You didn't leave anything in the fridge," I responded, looking at the clock.

No wonder, he had been whining for the last hour, shit would be easier if he just pointed to the fridge or his mouth or something. I knew I was at fault right now but in my defense, I didn't

think she would be out for coffee for over three hours. I thought she would have been back for dinner.

Bella was so pissed off, I knew better than to say anything. She pulled out the leftovers from this afternoon and began heating up food for Anthony; it was obvious she wasn't getting dinner

for me either.

"It will be ready in a minute, baby," she said to Anthony who was standing at her feet, still whining.

"Did you at least put the laundry in?" Bella asked once Anthony was eating.

I shook my head once again, I forgot. Once Bella left, I lay down with Anthony who was napping and I knocked out too. No matter how much sleep I got, I was always exhausted lately.

"Jesus Christ Edward, can't you remember to do anything, ever?" she was throwing death glares at me. I needed to fix this quick or our entire night would be miserable.

"I'm sorry, I'll do it tomorrow," I said trying to appease her.

"That's what you said yesterday and the day before that," she screamed, more angry than I had seen her in a long time.

"Fuck Bella I forgot," I said trying to defend myself but honestly feeling like an asshole.

"My point exactly, I have him all day, do I forget to feed him? Do I forget to change his diaper, which was soaked by the way? Do I forget to clean the house and buy the food? No. I. Don't."

The smile she walked in with was long gone and I could tell that we wouldn't be doing anything more than screaming at each other, again.

"I said I was sorry, I'll do it now just drop it."

"No, no, you stay on the couch relaxing, and by relaxing I mean, sit like a fucking lump that can't remember to do any fucking thing."

"Are you kidding me, right now?"

"Yes, I'm totally laughing, can't you see that I'm totally kidding right now?"

"Fuck you, Bella, " I yelled, slamming the bedroom door behind me. She knew exactly what to say and do to piss me right off and yeah, I fucked up but it was only laundry. And well, I forgot

to feed the baby there wasn't any excuse for that but she didn't need to freak the fuck out. I was sick and tired of the bullshit between us, shit had to get better between us and soon.

Our fights didn't stop after that night, in fact we only fought more about everything and anything. Bella thought I was constantly demeaning her and how she spent her days and in return

she would tell me what a piece of shit, lazy ass I was. I wouldn't deny the fact that I could have helped more around the house but my ass was tired.

I was determined that tonight was going to be a good night, I had stopped and grabbed some pizza and Bella's favorite ice cream. A little sucking up never hurt.

"You're late again," Bella said the moment I walked through the door.

"I'm sorry baby, work ran a little late; I was-"

"You're not the only one who has stuff to do Edward," she said with her hand on her hip, here she goes again. "I'm with the baby all day, try and get school work done and you can't even

bother trying to get home on time so I can go to class, it's one night a week."

She didn't stop there and tonight, I wasn't in the mood for this. Jesus fucking Christ like I didn't bust my ass working every fucking day. She acts like she is the only one doing anything

around here.

"I said I was sorry and it's only your writing class," I knew before the words were even out that I fucked up. I blamed my slip up on my fourteen-hour day and barely sleeping the last two

years or so, it was bound to happen.

"Excuse me? Did you just say it's just writing class?"

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that," I tried to back pedal because I really didn't mean it that way. She had been studying every night for over a year, staying up late getting essays done and

writing some vampire love story whenever she had the chance. I didn't mean to say that like it wasn't something important because it was but my job was more important.

"Yes, you did, you're such an asshole. Nothing I do matters right?"

"I didn't say that."

"No but that is what you meant," she said grabbing her coat and getting ready to leave for her class. "My little writing class could lead to something big one day so don't you dare act like

you're the only one who matters around here."

I was pretty fucking laidback most of the time but right now, I was exhausted and pissed.

"I don't know Bella, are your pretty poems or vampire stories paying the bills or am I? I am so fucking sick of you saying I don't do anything around here, I bust my ass every day for you

and Anthony."

"Fuck you, Edward. Fuck you," she screamed with a slam of the front door.

Fuck you and a slammed door was an almost daily occurrence now, something needed to change.

*WWS*

I stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. Me in a towel used to stop Bella in her tracks but now she barely looked away from the computer. If she wasn't

running around playing with Anthony she was doing some rewrite of her story or finishing some schoolwork.

"Baby, where are my work shirts?" I asked rummaging through my drawers. We weren't strict about a uniform but everyone had to wear the shop's shirt.

"I don't know, when is the last time you washed them?" she asked me, with that tone. It was a tone that immediately let me know that I had fucked up, which was insane it was only six in

the morning. I had no answer because I never did laundry she always handled it. "Oh that's right you don't help with the laundry or the cleaning for that matter."

"I don't have time for this right now," I was running late and needed to go, she had to be fucking kidding me.

"And I don't have time to hunt down all your clothes since it is so fucking hard to put them into the basket."

I wasn't going to get anywhere fighting with her right now. I threw on a dark t-shirt and stormed out of the house. Right before the door shut, I heard my nagging bitchy wife yell 'have a

wonderful day dear.'

I wanted to run back in and have the same argument that we had been having for the last six months, that I work my ass off for her and Anthony and didn't need her to constantly bitch

about laundry or cooking and trying to study. I had tried talking to her, I tried to step up a little more around the house and yet shit was still the same.

Then one night last week Bella told me about a letter from Renee and subsequent emails and phone calls. That was rough to hear; she was hiding something big from me and didn't even

feel bad about it. When I asked what they would talk about Bella, would be vague but I snooped in her email and saw words that broke my heart. She was miserable with me, when I had

been trying hard to be more helpful and spend more time at home but after that email, I was done. It didn't matter if I did whatever she wanted, she wasn't doing what she wanted and she

wasn't where she wanted to be and apparently, that was all my fault.

Maybe there was no fixing this; at this point, I had no idea.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	29. Chapter 29

My apologies for not updating sooner but my grandpa died last Thursday night of Lung Cancer so don't smoke it can kill ya!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being the only person I wanted to call and cry to. Luckily for her I don't cry or use the phone.

* * *

><p>BPOV Summer 2010-<p>

I would do just about anything to not watch Barney, even run on the floor and play trucks all day. So that's what Anthony and I were doing when the

phone rang. I debated getting up; it was probably just Edward asking what was for dinner but I did get up.

"Hello?" I said as Anthony was screaming, I mean how dare I stop playing trucks. What was I thinking?

"Hello, Can I speak with Isabella Masen?" the very formal, deep female voice asked, it wasn't a voice I had ever heard.

"This is her."

"This is Jane Morris, a friend of Alice Whitlock." The voice I didn't know but I knew the name and couldn't believe she was actually calling me.

"Hi, how are you?" I tried to sound relaxed but was too anxious; I knew she could hear it in my voice.

"I'm good; do you have a few minutes?"

"Yes, don't mind the noise, my son doesn't like to use his inside voice," I didn't just say that, I sounded like a fool. I scrambled to put on his favorite

Barney DVD so I didn't have to hide in the bathroom just to talk.

"Ok, I think you have a bestseller on your hands and would like to represent you," Jane said, cutting right to the chase.

"Wow, okay, what does that mean?" I asked, trying my hardest not to jump around, squealing like a little girl. This was the most unexpected news; I had

ever received, well besides that plus sign on my first pregnancy test almost three years ago.

Jane went into the details of sending out my book to different editors and hopefully wading through the offers but she stressed that this wouldn't be a

fast process, things would most likely go slow, editors receive hundreds of submissions a month. She said she would draft up a standard contact and fax

it to the garage tomorrow morning. The minute I got off the phone, I did the little girl squeal and scooped Anthony up into my arms and danced around

the room.

I was so excited; I called Alice to share the good news. She said she knew Jane would love it and not to stress out, that these things definitely take

time. She wanted to go out and celebrate with our husbands, I was nervous I had never introduced Edward to her before. Alice and her husband Jasper

were upper class academic types and Edward was a working class, man's man. I knew they wouldn't mesh well but what the hell, I wanted to celebrate.

I called Liz and shared my news; she gushed just as I thought she would and offered to take Anthony for the night before I could even ask.

The garage phone rang three times before Ed picked up and told me that Edward would call me back when he got a chance. I packed a bag for Anthony,

gave him a bath and brought him over to my mother in law's house; I wanted to go all out tonight and needed some time to get ready. Edward called

back and wasn't looking forward to dinner tonight but agreed to go; I wanted to tell him about getting an agent in person so I held off and got ready.

It was five-thirty and I was ready to go. My hair was pulled back with curls falling down my back and I had on my favorite white sundress and sandals, I

felt pretty and couldn't wait for my husband to get home.

By six, I was a little nervous Alice said the reservations were for seven and we needed to leave now to arrive on time and Edward still wasn't home. I

called the garage four times but no one answered. I called Alice and said that we would be a little late; she was as gracious and understanding as usual.

By six-thirty, I was near tears because Edward was nowhere to be found and Ed wasn't home yet either, Liz said he had mentioned stopping to get a

beer after they were done for the day. I couldn't believe that Edward would do this, I told him about dinner and he couldn't even mention that he had

plans.

I wanted Edward to celebrate my good news with him and my friend and he just acts like a dick? I didn't need him to have a good night, hell there wasn't

much I did need from him anymore. I grabbed my purse and left, trying not to cry, trying not to let my asshole husband ruin my good news. I wasn't

going to leave a note but then decided that writing Fuck You would make me feel just a little bit better, so I did.

The almost hour drive gave me some time to really think, this wasn't like Edward at all, why would he purposely skip out on dinner? I didn't have a clue

but knew that he'd better have a damn good excuse or I would be kicking ass when I got home.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate? Can't wait to hear what you think!<p>

So three days before my grandpa died he asked me if I was finished with my stupid story yet and then told me to hurry the hell up so I am aiming for daily updates from here on out!

Happy weekend :)


	30. Chapter 30

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for putting up with me in general.

* * *

><p>EPOV Summer 2010-<p>

There are certain things you should hear from your wife and not from someone else so imagine my surprise when my father asks me about Bella getting

a book deal or some shit. I had no idea what he was talking about but that my parents were watching Anthony for the night so Bella and I could

celebrate. I knew about the dinner but Bella never mentioned anything about book deals or celebrating anything, I was fucking angry that I had to hear

about my wife from someone else.

I spent the rest of my afternoon stewing over this new information. I knew she was writing a book but never mentioned that she had sent it out to

publishing companies but obviously, Alice knew. Of course she did, Bella didn't do anything without running it by her first. I shouldn't have felt like shit

over this but I hated not being that person for her anymore, the person she told everything to but I knew it wasn't just her fault. I had to own up to the

fact that we both drifted apart from each other and it had been happening for a while.

Instead of leaving the shop at five-fifteen like I had planned, I finished up some paperwork and heard my dad mention grabbing a beer with Emmett at

his brother's bar. I lied, telling them that dinner had been cancelled and wanted to join them for a drink or two. It was an asshole move but if Bella

wanted to keep shit from me then fuck her.

One beer turned into four, then five and six and seven. Emmett and my father knew not to ask what was wrong but refused to let me drive, I didn't put

up a fight just wanting to go home and sleep.

The house was empty and dark when I got home, I kind of thought Bella wouldn't go to dinner without me but I was wrong. I was just drunk even to

laugh at her little love note 'Fuck you' just about summed up how I felt about her right now.

Instead of putting myself to bed and avoid the inevitable fight with Bella, I opened her laptop and went back into her email. I reread the emails I had

seen weeks ago, the ones where she complained about my lack of help around the house and sex; we fight so much lately when would we fit sex in? I

read the newer emails, some from Alice where they talk about her book or about a recommendation letter for a program in Seattle that I had no idea she

was even applying to. Then there was a few from Renee, those were the ones that broke my heart wide open, she poured her heart out to her mother,

the same women who walked out of her life three years ago. And now she was telling her that she had regrets, that she wasn't happy and that she

wished she would wake up and be in a different place. I knew how much Bella loved Anthony, I knew whatever regrets she had they had nothing to do

with him, it was all me.

It was nearly midnight, the buzz had worn off and I was left feeling empty and angry as fuck. I wanted Bella to walk in and listen as I screamed, I

wanted her to cry and hurt, as much as I was right now. But then she walked into our dark apartment, I was sitting on the edge of our bed just watching

her. She looked sad but stunning, she took off her sweater and sat at our kitchen table and just cried, just like I had wanted.

Wanting and seeing were two separate things, suddenly I wanted to comfort her, take away whatever was wrong but knew that I was what was

wrong. She hadn't noticed or acknowledged me yet but I walked into the dining room, sitting across from her. It was dark; the only light was from the

stove, but I could still see the tears that had fallen down her face.

"I think we need to talk," Bella started, just loud enough for me to hear.

"So talk," I said, as calm as possible.

"Where were you tonight?"

"I went out for a drink with dad and Emmett."

"A drink? You're nineteen."

I shrugged my shoulders, I didn't need to tell her where I went, she was avoiding what we should have been talking about.

"I wanted you there with me to celebrate the fact that I got a literary agent and you went for a drink?" she started again.

"I heard, what does that mean?"

"You heard?"

"From my father, what does it mean?" I asked again. She explained that she didn't get a book offer like my father thought. She said that this Jane person

loved her book and wanted to shop it around then hopefully sell it. She seemed excited, in the most depressed way possible, if shit wasn't so heavy

between us right now, I would be so happy for her.

"You're miserable, stop telling everyone else but me," The emails I read, crept back into my mind, I cut her off because I couldn't listen to shit about

books being published when my marriage was falling apart.

"What are you talking about?"

"I read your email, I know how much you hate being here with me, you think I am holding you back, so go." Her eyes stared into mine; she was as

shocked by my last statement as I was.

"You went through my email?"

"Out of what I said that's what you want to address?" I questioned because to me going through her emails was the least of our problems.

"You violated my privacy," she screamed, almost too loud, we had neighbors.

"Enough with that, talk to me, really talk to me Bella."

"I don't want to," she said softly, wiping tears off her cheek.

"That's fucking stupid," I said, not holding back my anger, we needed to get everything out on the table.

"I don't want to tell you how miserable I am," she admitted then fresh tears fell. I ran my hand over my face, letting out a breath I didn't know I was

holding. "I don't want to tell you that I think I would happier alone than with you because I do love you but we don't want the same things anymore."

I had read her emails, I had seen her smile fade over the last year or so but hearing the words, it was too much.

"What do you want?" I asked, knowing that it wasn't me.

"I want what I have always wanted, Edward. I want to move, I want to write."

"Bella you don't need to move to New York City, you can write anywhere."

"I don't want to write anywhere, I want to move, I always have and now some publishing company might love my book and want to publish it, we could have the money Edward. I want the life Vicky lives, I hate it here, I always have."

"But my business is here," I countered. People didn't even drive in New York City, could I even find a job as a mechanic.

"It's your father's business," she tried to point out.

"It's going to be mine, I want it," had she not been paying attention, I was always trying to come up with new ways to get customers, expand the shop.

"You used to want other things," she whispered.

"Things change Bella. I am sick of being the realistic one here," I tried to control my voice, but this was complete bullshit.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm referring to the fact that we have a kid, Bella. We have another person that relies on us to survive, we aren't eighteen and going to take on the

world. We are parents and moving across the country, away from the only family Anthony has ever known without a place to live or jobs isn't practical or

responsible." Bella had nothing to say because it was true; we needed to think about Anthony and not about ourselves.

"Anthony is two, he can adjust, New York would be great for him; the museums and parks and everything, he would love it."

"Seattle has museums, Forks has parks, Bella, it's you. You think you can only be happy away from here but you can be happy here, you've just never

tried," my voice gradually got louder until I was screaming. Not out of anger but out of pain, I knew her, she was stubborn and when she wanted

something, she wouldn't give it up. And right now she wanted to move away, leave the life I had built for us behind and she wanted me to just follow her

like a puppy. But the thing was I didn't want to leave, I loved my job, it was hard work but it paid well and the business would be mine someday.

"I have tried, Edward. I don't have any friends or haven't you noticed? Vicki left and James followed her."

"What about Rose?" I asked, pointing out Emmett's wife, I thought she had mentioned a playdate or something. Bella laughed and said that Rosalie

wasn't capable of carrying on an adult conversation and that she hated that a Friday night out meant a high school Mill Stream together, she wanted

different and new and exciting.

We talked for another hour, going around in circles; she wanted out of here, I didn't. Minus all the fighting, I was happy; I liked our life in Forks while

Bella said she felt held back, suffocated and depressed.

We went to bed; Bella wrapped my arms around her, snuggling in as close as possible. I held onto her too tight but maybe she needed it too.

"I love you."

"Me too, more than you know."

"I think we're at an impasse."

"No, I think we're over."

* * *

><p>So which one said We're Over?<p>

Can't wait to hear what you think!


	31. Chapter 31

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in like 12 days!

* * *

><p>BPOV Summer 2010-<p>

My life went by in a haze, so fast, so fucking slow. I was excited and miserable, all at the same time.

I cried all night while Edward held me after he whispered the words 'we're over,' I couldn't believe he would say that. I thought that we could work it out,

that he would realize that moving to New York City or Seattle would be the best thing for us but he said that we wanted very different things.

He said that if we moved together, he would resent me as much as I resented him right now. That he would be as miserable and unhappy as I had been

for awhile. I could handle my misery but the thought of Edward feeling the same things hurt my heart even more.

I woke up the next morning to breakfast, if he had done more of this I might have been happier but probably not. We talked about how this would work,

my main concern was Anthony missing Edward and vise versa; he promised that it would all work out somehow. Edward said that he would talk to his

parents about moving back home, instead of staying together in our apartment. I had two months until the lease was up and in that time I would make

plans to either accept the open spot for me in the creative writing program in Seattle or follow my dreams and move across country. Edward said he

would continue to pay the bills, thank god; I hadn't had a job since I was six months pregnant. When it was time to pick up Anthony he wanted to go

alone, so he could have some time with his parents and then he would bring Anthony back later. His detached, cold attitude killed me; I was a mess of

snot and tears.

Once the door shut, I was alone and for the first time in my life, I felt abandoned. Edward walking out of our apartment, knowing that I might never sleep

in the same bed as him again hurt more than Renee leaving, so much more. He had taken a hold of my heart five years ago, letting him go would be the

hardest thing I would ever have to do. I know that it was my fault, if I had tried harder to be happy, I wouldn't have been standing alone in my dining

room.

Hours later Edward knocked on the door, as if he didn't feel welcomed and maybe he didn't, I had done that to him. I hated myself.

I unpacked Anthony's bags and made him dinner while Edward packed his bags. This was all happening too fast for me but he said a clean break would

be easier for him, I laughed, he didn't seem to be having any trouble letting me go. That thought broke me hours later once I had put Anthony to bed,

Edward let me go, didn't try to work out any of our problems; it seemed so easy for him.

The first decision I made about my future was that I needed to make no decisions. I had three weeks to decide about Seattle, it wasn't what my heart

wanted but realistically I had no way to support Anthony and me in New York.

Three weeks passed, I had been floating through life. I would go through my days like a zombie; Anthony was fed and cared for but that was it. I

couldn't do much more than throw on a children's DVD to keep him occupied so I would just stare out the window and cry silently or write. My writings

became the sequel to my still untitled and unsigned book but the words flew out of me.

I tapped into my self-inflicted heartbreak and wrote about Kristen's. Nothing was the same for my character, the love of her existence left her behind to

keep her safe and alive where Edward left me to try to make us both happy but the hurt was all the same. I wrote about her emptiness just as I felt it,

not that it made sense. My character had no choices in her heartbreak; I played the villain in mine.

The phone would ring and each time I would jump hoping that it was Edward, he would call to ask when he could pick up Anthony but never said more

than that, but I would still race to answer it. My heart sank when a female voice said hello, it was Jane, my agent, I hadn't expected to hear from her for

a while; it was the first thing to bring a genuine smile to my face in weeks. There were several offers on the table for my book, I was shocked. It was one

thing for Alice and Jane to like it but the fact that a company wanted to print it was another. And then I heard the numbers, mind blowing wasn't even

close and to hear that Jane wanted to counter with an even more mind blowing figure was just, it was just crazy to me. She promised to call back the

moment the final offer was set and we would go forward from there.

Jane called a lot sooner than either one of us thought, hours later in fact. The numbers had my jaw hanging and the final offer of seven hundred and fifty

thousand dollars was inconceivable even though it wasn't the million Jane asked. Never in my wildest dream did I think that my little story would garner

that much profit, sadly my excitement was eclipsed by the rest of my life falling apart. But at least now I had the money to support us for a big move.

I wanted to call Edward and share my news, there was no one else I would have rather talked to but he wasn't my family anymore at least that's how it

felt now. I settled for Alice who was now where I wanted to be, in Manhattan. She was as delighted as I was, promised that she knew amazing things

would happen for me, in spite of the emotional turmoil I was trying to get though right now. We talked for a long while, I made my first decision to move

East, I was anxious and excited and terrified. Alice offered Anthony and me a bedroom for as long as we needed it but I figured that I could use my

advance that Jane mentioned and rent an apartment. She suggested certain neighborhoods and that I needed to be prepared for the high prices for

incredibly small spaces.

I searched through Craigslist for weeks until I found something far too expensive and much smaller that I was used to but had private outdoor space,

which was practically unheard of in New York. It wouldn't be ready for another month and a half so I emailed Alice the listing and hoped that the offer to

crash with her and Jasper still stood. She went to see the apartment in person, she confirmed that it was small but the neighborhood was great.

I figured that I could live off the money, I got from the book deal for a few years and hoped in that time, I could really make a name for myself. At the

time, I had no idea how big of a name for myself I could make but I did it.

A really, really big name.

* * *

><p>So obviously a book deal wouldn't take days or weeks but you know, suspend reality for a moment :)<p>

So Love it? Hate it?


	32. Chapter 32

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in like 11 days!

* * *

><p>My parents said I was a fool for throwing it all away without a fight but I knew that letting Bella go was for the best. Hearing that she was so unhappy, that she was miserable with me, while<p>

I walked around ignorant was too much. The fact that I had failed to keep the promises I made to her just two years ago fucking tore me apart.

I wasn't worthy of her love and knew I had to be the one to break. I had to be the one to say the words because Bella wouldn't have, she probably would have suffered in semi silence until

she burst. I knew that I loved her enough to let her go and try to find whatever it was that she was looking for; it surely wasn't me, not right now.

The weeks between me moving my stuff out of the apartment and the day my wife and son were moving three thousand miles away were a blur. I could hardly sleep, barely functioned at

work and acted like an asshole to everyone around me.

The day came for the two people that mattered the most to me to leave. I offered to bring her and Anthony to SeaTac to see them off. I was a glutton for punishment but the fact was that I

wouldn't be seeing my son for a while made me go. I knew I would see him again but Bella, who knows how long it would be before I saw her again and I would never again wake up to her

beautiful face. The thoughts were just too much for me.

I walked with Anthony in my arms, as far as I was allowed, it was battle to hold back the tears; I was literally letting my life go. Bella looked up at me with sad eyes, I wanted to take

whatever pain she was feeling away but settled for a kiss on her forehead. My eyes clenched shut trying to keep myself from begging her to stay and take me back. I would have made

promises about being a better husband and doing anything in my power to make her smile and happy but I knew that she needed to do this, she needed to find her place in the world.

I left the airport and cried.

I cried, real tears half the drive home but I needed to watch them go, to see that it, we were really over; I became a shell of my former self. I worked and slept, never joining Emmett for a

drink after work or my parents for dinner. I didn't want to hear words of encouragement, about trying to move on with my life. I might have let it happen but my life was a world away,

nothing could change that.

Time did lessen the pain.

I could never say anything bad about Bella; she made the effort to keep us connected. Whether it was sending my parents an anniversary card or a card with pictures of drawings for every

holiday big or small. I lived for that shit.

I saved all the adorable voicemails that Bella would have Anthony leave. Sometimes it was him laughing saying that he missed me, at her prompting and other times it was him crying about

a time-out. My son crying, shouldn't have made me smile but any time I heard either of their voices, I couldn't hold it back.

While my life was stagnant, it was hard not to think about the fact that Bella's had flourished without me.

It was hard trying to pretend like life wasn't a fucking waste because that was how it felt but with Charlie, I could be real. Surprisingly, Charlie became the person I spent the most time with

besides my dad and Emmett, and that was only because we worked together. He knew the pain I felt, of being left behind, being thought of as a roadblock to happiness by the women we

loved. We would watch games together on his new flat screen or spend a day fishing, it was all relaxed but we both felt free to say whatever we wanted. Only once did I get the side eye

when I went on a tangent about being excited to read Bella's second book, wondering whether she would write Kristen to be a cold, bitch like she was. I blamed it on the multiple beers that

I was now legally able to drink. Besides that one slip of the tongue, Charlie was there for me, he got it without needing to say a word. I am pretty sure, when Bella was nervous about her

father and I getting along she never envisioned this.

*-WWS-*

Fuck vampires.

Fuck the people who read that stupid shit.

Fuck People magazine for featuring said ex-wife and having a picture that literally made me drool.

Fuck my ex-wife who proved that I was holding her back.

Her life took off, literally; she shot to the top of the literary world. She was poised to become the next J.K. Rowling or so the critics said.

Just a year after she moved to Manhattan, her first book was on bookstore shelves and went to number five on the New York Times Best Seller List within a month. It went on to become

number one for weeks and soon the film rights were optioned.

I read everything I could about her, as masochistic as it was but I wanted to know about her life, read about her dreams coming true. They were the dreams that I had down played by

screaming at her, calling it her silly little vampire story, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Her first interview was painful to read. It had the standard questions like how did the story come to you and she gave the story of her dream and the writing frenzy that went on from there.

I knew bits and pieces but reading shit about my soon to be ex-wife was painful; I should have known it all already. It was eye opening; I became sadly aware of how far apart we had

drifted.

But what broke me, as if I wasn't torn down enough was the question 'Have you ever fallen for your own Robert?' She could have lied and said no, that everything was just from that one

dream; I would have liked that answer better. But she simply said 'Yeah, I did but not every story has a happy ending.' She didn't delve into the fact that she was a soon to be divorced;

twenty-one year old with a three-year-old son, none of that really came out until her second book.

I of course, spouted off how fucking ridiculous she was for not immediately mentioning her so called pride and joy, Anthony. I said things about her being a shitty mother and person. My

mother says I am in the angry stage of grieving, I think Bella is a thoughtless, vindictive bitch who enjoyed ripping my heart out.

* * *

><p>*-WWS-*<p>

Somehow without really noticing it, a year had passed and then another, but finally I was back at SeaTac anxiously waiting for my boy. It had been so long, pictures didn't compare to seeing

him run over to me and jumping into my arms. There wasn't anything better in the world than having my son back with me, even if it was only for two weeks.

* * *

><p>So how do we think Edward is coping?<p>

See ya tomorrow!


	33. Chapter 33

I have added a bit after the amazing dolphin62598 beta'd this so any mistakes are all on :)

As always thanks to MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in like 10 days!

* * *

><p>My life had turned into this kind of fabulous thing; if you liked selling millions of books, having teenage girls worship you and the characters you write. My life was so full and empty, at the same time. It felt like I had the world's attention, be it on an extremely small scale, I wasn't the president or finding a cure for cancer but I slowly became recognizable and could fill a bookstore for a signing.<p>

It was literally my dream come true minus the fact that I missed my Edward. The absence of him was everywhere I looked, as if I could have ever escaped him. He was the main character in my books, I had to write him as he was or used to be to me; so sweet, affectionate and sexy. I surprised myself with the words I wrote. My second book ended with what my heart wanted most, Kristen and Robert finding their way back to each other, at least they could have their happily ever after.

I was nervous for the release of my second book next month; I wasn't ready for the publicity. I tried to keep my private life as private as possible. I didn't want my life to be scrutinized or to become the poster child for teenage pregnancy and divorce. I wanted to write books that people loved and at the end of the day snuggle up with my beautiful son and husband.

It was still hard to remember that I wasn't married anymore, that I didn't have a husband anymore. I deserved to suffer though. Two years gave me a lot of time to reflect on everything and after too many tears and shitload of therapy I have realized that I had it good. My life wasn't perfect but I had Edward, a husband that loved me in spite of my horrible behavior at some points. He worked long, hard hours so I could stay home with our son, go to college and write my first book. I had it so good and I threw it all away. And I can't even say I threw it all away in exchange for my success because I could have literally had it all but was too blind to realize that I was doing wrong too. Unfortunately it was too late.

Our divorce was finalized over a year ago; it was as painful and painless as possible. Edward could have gone for alimony but didn't. I could have asked for child support now had more money than I knew what to do with. The only thing we actually had to hammer out was visitation. We agreed that Anthony would fly out for every other holiday, future school vacations and a few weeks during the summer when he was old enough to fly alone. I tried my hardest to keep the lines of contact open between them, never wanting to be the reason my son and his father weren't close. But now I was suffering, Anthony had flown out to visit Edward four days ago and I was at a loss for what to do with myself. I had finished my third book the night before, leaving me with another week and a half before my baby came home.

That's how I found myself, in a tight skimpy dress riding in a cab down to Midtown to some new club; Vicki was celebrating her latest breakup. Since moving to New York, we had picked up right where we left off, best friends. Of course, it was different now, I had a son and couldn't do the normal Friday night clubbing routine like she and every another twenty-one year old did. I didn't mind though, Vicki would come over for dinner and meet us at the park on sunny afternoons when she wasn't busy with classes or work.

I paid the cab driver and got out, searching for Vicki and her group of girls, they were chatting with a rather unattractive bouncer but the second she spotted me, we got let in. It was loud, hot and definitely not my scene but I vowed to stay an hour, to support Vicki through what was another 'very difficult breakup'. When she gave the scoop on her and Laurent, some French import who broke her heart, I had to hold back my laughter; she knew nothing about a difficult breakup. And truthfully she deserved to be a bit heartbroken after the way she treated James.

I took a shot, trying to enjoy the burn that accompanied the drink; it was strong, making me shiver slightly. I chatted with a few of Vicki's friends, they were all trying to get the scoop on the upcoming book and thought buying me more drinks would let the details fly. I kept my lips sealed and let myself be dragged onto the dance floor and threw my arms above my hand, my body swaying to the beat.

I was so in my own world that it took moment to realize that there were hands on my hips, grinding up behind me. I wanted to be pissed that someone had the nerve to put their hands on me without even so much of a hello first. I turned around with the intent of telling the handsy asshole to back off but was sidetracked by his smile. He was kind of beautiful, definitely older than I was but still young, I let my eyes roam down his body, he was built and full and hot. I could say without a doubt that he was the second most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on.

Instead of telling him to fuck off like I had originally intended, I smiled and danced with him for a few minutes. A song or two went by, and our skin became glistened with sweat, I wanted to talk to him, see that smile again.

"Hi," I yelled over the music, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"What's your name?" the ridiculously handsome, guy said with another smile.

"Bella."

"Yes, you are," was his lame attempt at flirting but he was cute enough to let the line slide.

"Such a charmer, what's yours?" I asked, as my hips rolled into his. I hadn't been this close to anyone in almost three years and I had never been this close to anyone who wasn't Edward. I let that thought go, I didn't want to think about him tonight, it always led to crying myself to sleep.

The still unnamed stranger moved his hand up from my waist to underneath my hair, lightly gripping the back of my neck, gently pulling me closer to him. I was under his trance or maybe hypnotized, whatever it was I liked it.

"I'm Jake."

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	34. Chapter 34

I have added a bit after the amazing dolphin62598 beta'd this so any mistakes are all on me :)

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in 8 days!

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><p>Our two weeks together went by fast and I missed him more than I thought possible, it made me realize just how much I had missed over the last three years. Anthony was only two and a half when they moved; he was talking but only had a few words down. Now he could hold conversations and was funny, like really funny. We laughed and played the entire time; he loved visiting grandpa at the garage, going fishing with papa and making brownies with grandma. Everyone was heartbroken when it was time for Anthony to go but knew he would be back in a month while Bella went on a book tour for her second book. We made the most out of that visit too; we went on an all guys camping trip for a week, just outside ofOlympia. Since he was here for Halloween we walked all over town getting candy. He came with a Ninja Turtle costume so I went out and bought one too, I looked like a fucking tool but he loved it.<p>

Having him with me, for however long he stayed, those were my best times and whenever he wasn't I just existed. I was still a moody, brooding motherfucker and now it was just out of habit and probably a serious lack of sex. My mother would always ask if I planned on going out on a Friday or Saturday night and Emmett and Rose would always invite me along but I had no interest.

Even Charlie told me it was time to move on, that shit opened my eyes. If my ex-father in law was telling me that I needed to move on then it probably was time. So I tried, I got dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt, met Emmett at Mill Creek's and had a few beers. I laughed to myself because I finally saw what Bella saw, half the bar was filled with people I had grown up with, a few new faces but mostly the same damn people.

"Edward?" I turned around not at all expecting to see James' face, I hadn't talked to him in fucking years and last I knew he was with Vicki in New York.

"James? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I'm back," he said with a sad smile, trying to mask whatever it was that happened. And then he told me what happened. I already knew that Vicki wanted to go to NYU and he followed like the good boyfriend he was, but at some point, he had gotten left behind. He tried hard to make it work for a while but Vicki always tried to brush him off and then he found out that Vicki was cheating on him with some French motherfucker.

"That's some shit," I said seriously. What happened with him was exactly what I was afraid of, not that I could have known that back then. When Bella wanted to take off, I was afraid that she would excel and be so happy while I would be her permanent, unhappy tagalong.

Emmett invited James to sit down with us for a few beers. It was nice to catch up but from the moment James sat down I was holding back from asking him about Bella but to my surprise and relief he mentioned her first.

"And how fucking sad is this? My ass went to Bella's place in tears over her only to find out that Bella had known about the whole time but she at least listened to me cry like a bitch over it all."

"How is she?" I asked, completing ignoring James story of heartbreak.

"Bella? Shit man, I didn't even think before I said anything."

"No it's good, it's fine. How is she doing?"

"Who the fuck cares how Miss Bitch is doing?" Emmett chimed in. Since Bella left, Emmett had no problem telling me exactly how he left about her and the way shit went down.

"Hey man, Bella's is good person, she did some fucked up shit but she knows how wrong she was." James said trying to defend Bella. Little did he know that Bella was undefendable to Emmett and Rose.

"What?" I needed to know exactly what that meant because in spite of everyone, especially Emmett telling me that I could have pulled my weight more around the house but that putting all the blame on myself wasn't right, I still did.

For the last two years, I had heard from my friends that Bella had been living the good life, as Rose had called it while I busted my ass working, providing for my wife and kid while she wrote the book that went on to make her millions. She even said that I deserved royalty from the sales because without me that it wouldn't even exist. But hearing it from friends was a lot different than hearing it from Bella, the one who had constantly told me how much I sucked at being a husband.

"It's nothing but when Bella was talking me down from going to that fuck's house and cutting off his stupid ponytail and dick that I needed to just stop and think things through," he stopped, trying to gauge my reaction to whatever was going to say next. I was so starved for any news relating to Bella that I was practically hanging off my stool.

"And she might have said that she did a lot things to you that she wished she could take back but couldn't, that is was too late and she didn't want me feeling the same way some time down the line. She also didn't want my ass in jail for removing the guy's balls and feeding them to him," he said laughing, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah well she can take her regrets and shove them up her stuck-up, millionaire cunt bag ass," Emmett said polishing off his fourth beer. I wanted to punch him in the face for saying that nasty shit about Bella but was also glad that I had him on my side over the last two years.

"Let's agree to disagree on that note; how have you been?" James said laughing at Emmett and his anger towards my ex-wife. I didn't try to act like my life was all roses now because they aren't but was honest. My life was going to work and my daily phone calls or Skype's with my son.

Before long Emmett was heading home and James had left with a young, blond girl that looked like she had just graduated. I had to admit, I was slightly jealous about sleeping alone that night, knowing James probably wasn't sleeping much at all. I needed to get laid so fucking bad but one night stands weren't my thing not that I actually knew this first hand because I had never had one. Lying awake for a while, I decided to make it my mission to get laid, one night stand or not.

Missionaccomplished and I couldn't lie, one-night stands were good but they weren't what I had been used to. I spent a night with Leah, she was beautiful and sweet; she was house-sitting on the reservation for her aunt and uncle for a few weeks. We met at Mill Creek's and after a few hours of talking, she asked me back to her family's house. We were all over each other, the moment she walked us into the house our clothes were off. There wasn't much foreplay, which was something I loved with Bella. This felt like just sex, nothing more, all the extras weren't needed. I liked knowing about that secret spot behind Bella's knee or that she liked her hair pulled just a little but there was none of that with Leah it was just sex and sex was never a bad thing.

I left the next morning feeling marginally better, almost like something had been lifted off my shoulders. It was the first time I had been with anyone besides my ex-wife, it was like I knew I could move on now, that I could actually be with someone else. But then that thought brought me to the thought of Bella being with someone else, I couldn't control the anger that flashed through me. I guess one night with someone else wasn't enough to not want and miss Bella, like I had hoped it would.

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><p>Love it? Hate it?<p> 


	35. Chapter 35

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in 7 days!

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><p>"Mummy it's cold, can I have a hot chocolate?"<p>

My handsome boy was looking up at me with those big green eyes that made me melt every time. We were walking towards the Billy Johnson playground inCentral Park; I wanted today to be laid-back and simple. We stopped off at Starbucks and grabbed some drinks for us and made our way to the park, it was Anthony's favorite; I sat down and opened my laptop as Anthony took off. It was breezy and cool but beautiful and sunny; I let myself take in the sunshine while going over some notes from my editor before Jake showed up.

This was big for me, so big; I was introducing Anthony to Jake today and wanted everything to go well. Jake and I had started out casual and fun but six months later and I think things were getting serious. He was great and funny and sweet, kind of the perfect guy without having to try. He wasn't my perfect match but that was okay. I already had my perfect match and lost him, I could learn to be happy with someone who wasn't Edward.

"Hi beautiful," Jake's deep voice said from behind me, laying a gentle kiss the back of my neck before coming around to join me on the park bench. I liked how his kisses sent butterflies through my belly but it was never the electricity that shot through me whenever Edward would touch me. It was hard to settle for the butterflies instead of the electricity but again, I could learn.

"Hi there," I said smiling, closing my work up for now.

"How's your day been?"

"Horrible, had to get up at six-thirty to bring Anthony to school only to find out that it was a half day so I couldn't get in my usual nap and now I'm here, you?" We both laughed because my days were usually rather open, I loved having such flexibility. I listened as Jake gave me a play by play of his morning. He did not have such an easy schedule, he was always up and out by five-thirty so he could get in an hour at the gym, shower before work and most days he would work through his lunch.

"So you wanted to meet up here because?" I asked, trailing off. Jake had been excited but secretive about us meeting up today. It was rare that he could find enough time in his day to meet up during the week so I figured it was something big.

"I know you're looking to buy a place and I just did a closing with a friend this morning, he told me about a great place right down the street, it sounds exactly like what you are looking for." I could see Jake's eyes dancing with excitement but couldn't understand how a potential apartment for me was so exciting for him.

"Really, when can I look?" I asked, willing to look at anything. I had no idea how hard it would be to find a place I loved, that would be great for Anthony and not over five million. The price of real estate was staggering in the city and even though I could actually afford something that cost five million didn't mean I wanted to spend that, not even close. Hell, it was still crazy to me that I could afford that, never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would have been possible.

"Well, I was hoping we could look at it, you know, together," he said quietly but I could hear the hopefulness. It took me a minute to process that, to actually understand what he meant by looking at it together and there was no way.

"Jake, I don't think-" I started but was cut off.

"It was stupid, my lease is up next month and I just thought that maybe… but forget it."

I tried to forget it but now things were off and uneasy between us. We had been dating for less than a year, were barely serious and he still hadn't met my son and he wanted to house hunt with me.

No, just no.

I overcompensated the uncomfortableness with talks about the weekend and Thanksgiving, which was next week. Renee called last week asking about my plans for the holiday and invited Anthony and I to visit her and her fiancé Phil inFlorida. It would be the first holiday I had spent with my mother since I was sixteen.

"Anthony," I yelled, waving my hand for him to come to the bench, it was now or never and it would hopefully relax things between Jake and I.

"Yeah?" he asked looking curiously at the unknown man sitting next to me.

"I wanted you to meet my friend Jake. Jake, this is my son, Anthony," I was nervous as I introduced them but to Anthony it was nothing.

We all chatted for a few minutes and drank our warm drinks then Anthony asked Jake he if he liked to climb the rocks and go down the slide. Jake answered with a 'who doesn't?' Anthony and I laughed then he asked Jake to play with him because I was boring and only did work and that Jake would get bored sitting with me. I told Anthony that Jake only had a little time before he had to go back to work and shouldn't get his suit dirty but Jake waved me off, running off with Anthony.

It was sweet to see them laughing and playing together but bittersweet; I wanted to watch Anthony running around with his dad, not my boyfriend. I shouldn't have been thinking about Edward but it wasn't often that he was far off in my mind even years later.

It had taken a long while but my life was finally feeling less and less empty mostly because I had Anthony who made me smile every day. But there was also Alice and Jasper, who had quickly become like family. They would invite us over for dinner and even joined Charlie, Anthony and I for Christmas Eve last year. My dad tried to visit as often as possible which wasn't very often but he was supportive through everything. I wasn't blind though, I knew how disappointed he was in my choice to move away and get divorced, even though for a long time that was Edward's fault in my mind.

And now I had Jake, five years older than me, a real estate attorney at a big firm in the financial district. Everything was simple and easy with Jake; he was just as busy with work as I was with writing and being a mother. We liked the same movies, shows and food; everything was just easy with him. Too easy in fact. From the beginning I knew that Jake could never repair the gaping hole that I had punched through my chest but had hoped that he would be enough to cover it up.

I smiled as Anthony and Jake were walking back to me, both smiling and dusty from running around; they definitely had fun together. Later that night Anthony asked if he could play with Jake again.

*- WWS-*

The warm air was a nice change from the bitter cold of New York; it had been unseasonably cold for the last few days at home. And at eighty-seven degrees in Jacksonville, it was unseasonably warm, not that I was complaining. I spotted Renee from across the airport, she looked the same as she did last year but had a blinding smile, she was really happy with Phil, you could see it.

"Hi baby," Renee, said hugging Anthony tight. A sight, I thought I might never see. "And hi my big baby," she said laughing as she pulled me in for a hug.

Walking into their house was a strange experience, I would have never guessed that my mother lived all hippy like but apparently, that was her now. We were staying in the guestroom, which was where Renee would paint or do yoga when she felt like it, she said that she let her moods dictate her days; it was so not the woman I grew up with. This trip that made me realize how unhappy Renee had been for most of my life, she never smiled the way she did now. And yes she loved me but I could see how much happier she was without the responsibility of a child.

We ate dinner, it made me miss Renee's cooking; she could always whip something up in no time and it was always delicious. She waved off my attempts at cleaning the dishes and kitchen; apparently, it was her and Phil's thing. I set Anthony up on the computer so he could have his nightly chat on the computer with Edward, once Edward got a new computer he installed the program and they both took advantage of their new way of talking.

"Hi baby, who's Anthony talking to?" she asked, you could hear Anthony giggling and chatting loudly in the room we were sharing for the week.

"He's Skyping with Edward, they do it almost every day, he loves it," I explained and then I had to explain what Skype was to my computer phobic mother, she loved the idea but could barely send emails.

"And what are you writing?" she asked being nosy looking over my shoulder.

The next morning, I let Anthony dress himself for the day, which wasn't hard, we were spending it at the beach but he liked the freedom to pick out his clothes whenever possible. I packed up a bag for the day and made sure my computer was fully charged but barely got a chance to write because Renee and her million questions.

I told her all about Jake and she said I should have brought him down and that I better next time. Then she wanted a very detailed description of the apartment I had put an offer on and she gushed over the all marble bathroom that I thought was pretentious. She didn't think outdoor space was important, but I gushed over the two outdoor terraces. One faced the Empire State Building the other faced Madison Square Park, it was just beautiful all around. She was blown away by the hefty price tag but I promised her that for its location, amenities, four bedrooms, four bathrooms and the terraces it was worth it. She cried at how unbelievably successfully I had become in such a short amount of time and said that she knew I was born to be a city girl.

I could have cried because she was right I was born to be a city girl but this city girl missed home, so much. I missed the rain, the trees, all the green; I missed it all including my father and my ex-husband. No matter how much I liked Jake and let him into my life it was becoming clear that he could never replace Edward.

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><p>Love? Hate?<p>

I swear all this time apart will serve a purpose, just let me get there :)


	36. Chapter 36

Hope everyone is surviving the hurricane safely! So far we have just gotten rain but Irene should be arriving soon- here's to emptying out my basement that will be filled with water in a few hours!

I have added a bit after the amazing dolphin62598 beta'd this so any mistakes are all on me :)

And MoDunk for prereading and for coming to visit me in 6 days!

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><p>It was three days after Christmas, the tree and lights were staying up for another week so Anthony could have his second Christmas here. I was fucking excited; this was our first Christmas together in three years. I had sent him presents to open on Christmas morning and would open the ones Bella would send from him. My favorite part of it all was when I would check my email at the end of the day and there would be an attachment of photos of him opening my gifts. This year would be so much better than a few pictures, whether it was really Christmas morning or not, we would pretend it was.<p>

I drove toFairfield, so ready to get my little guy and Charlie; they had spent the holiday in a villa on the ocean inPuerto Rico. It was almost comical when Charlie told me about Bella's plans because that was so her, always wanting to do something different while Charlie liked everything simple. A tropical vacation wasn't simple, it annoyed Charlie but of course, he agreed to it for Bella. I hated that Anthony would fly by himself fromNew Yorkand back so knowing he was with Charlie was a stress reliever for me.

I waited for what felt like hours but none of that mattered when I saw my not so little guy running towards me. I had a death grip hug going on but Anthony didn't mind, he missed me just as much as I missed him. The entire drive home I heard about the blue water, the colorful fishes and all the presents he got but never once did I hear the name Jake.

There are certain moments you will always remember, whether they are good or bad, it would always stick in your mind. It was our 'Christmas morning,' which was just a few minutes after we arrived home in the late afternoon. Wrapping paper was thrown all over the room and festive music was on in the background. My parents were sitting on the couch, taking a million pictures; Charlie was in the chair doing the same.

I was waiting for Anthony to open his last present, the one I was most excited about, an iXL, an interactive learning toy that also played music. I knew from Charlie that Anthony loved anything electronic and would sit next to Bella while she was writing; I thought that this would be perfect for him. I handed the wrapped present over and waited for a loud squeal reaction, he would do that whether it was a Matchbox car or _Cars_ pajamas. Anthony tore open the present and did his usual smile and squeal, I was fucking ecstatic that he liked it and then my head exploded, not literally but it felt like it.

"Hey dad, Jake bought me this, can I get something else?"

The room went from loud to silent, well not silent the music was still playing but I think I could have heard a pin drop. No one said a word until Anthony asked again if we would change it for something different. I nodded my head and went downstairs, leaving my son, parents and Charlie upstairs, needing a few minutes alone.

Never once had I heard Anthony talk about another man besides Jasper,Alice's husband and his grandfathers, I wasn't stupid, Jake had to Bella's boyfriend. I shouldn't have been shocked, she was young, beautiful and most importantly single, of course, she was dating. Just the thought of Bella dating, moving on with someone else, someone else that spent time with my son, it was too much. I punched a hole through the wall and smash the frame that held my favorite picture. It was taken on Bella's seventeenth birthday, Anthony was just days old; we were both exhausted but over the moon happy.

I finally got myself together, cleaned up the shattered glass and went back upstairs, joining everyone as they opened their presents from Anthony. My dad got a painted pottery classic car, it was green and yellow, I knew it would be on the garage counter tomorrow morning. My mother got a ceramic plate with Anthony's painted handprints, she loved it. I opened my present and laughed at the oversized coffee mug with handprints and brush strokes all over it. He said that it wasn't for drinking because I don't drink coffee, it was for change so I could save money for a trip to Disney; he was only five but determined to get there.

We ate a huge dinner and relaxed for the rest of the night, but when I was putting Anthony to bed, I committed the worst crime in the divorced parenting handbook. I asked about this Jake guy and when Anthony said it was 'mommy's boyfriend,' my heart broke and instead of kissing him goodnight, I pressed on for more details. Not that he had many except that Bella called him an old man and that he worked with 'real states.'

Once he was asleep, I went upstairs and outside, needing fresh air but it did nothing to calm me down. I paced around the deck, talking myself into a frenzy until I was dialing Bella's number. We didn't talk on the phone ever, all travel plans were handled through email and Anthony's voice was always the one to answer the phone when I called.

I didn't give a fuck that it was nine-thirty here, which meant it was twelve-thirty inNew York. The phone rang and on the fourth ring, I heard Bella's angelic voice thick with sleep through the phone. Hearing her voice for the first time in a long time stopped me for a moment, I missed her voice. I missed her and now she was with someone else, fuck that.

"Edward? Is everything okay?"

"Anthony's fine, but we need to talk now," I said fuming. And then I heard his voice, Jake's voice I assumed asking if everything was okay. Knowing that he was sleeping next to her made me explode with anger.

"Okay, what's up?" Bella asked, sounding concerned.

"When the fuck did you plan on telling me about Jake?" I all but screamed into the phone. The only thing holding me back was fear that my parents would hear and come down on me hard for speaking to Bella that way.

"Excuse me?"

"I said when the fuck were you going to tell me about your fucking boyfriend? I shouldn't have to hear that shit from our son."

"Edward, it isn't any of your business," she said, trying to sound forceful but it came out more nervous than anything.

"Anthony is my fucking business, I have a goddamn right to know who you are bringing around our kid."

"First, please calm down, I don't want Anthony to hear you upset and secondly, you're right. You do have a right to know who Jake is, but you do not have the right to call me in the middle of the night screaming at the top of your lungs."

"This is fucking bullshit Bella, you don't see me parading trampy girls in front of our son but you can bring whoever you want around? I don't fucking think so."

"Don't you dare, I am not parading guys around Anthony, I would never Jake is-" her words trailed off, effectively punching me in the stomach. What was Jake, the new love of her life? The new me? "Jake is different."

"Jake is a fucking douche bag and so are you. Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU," I screamed into the phone then hung up because I knew I was out of line. I threw my phone over the railing, unable to see where it landed in the darkness.

"Feel better?" my father asked from behind me.

It was obviously a rhetorical question, before I was pissed off and hurt over this Jake asshole and now I was feeling like shit because I screamed at Bella.

Of course, I didn't feel better.

*-WWS-*

"Did you know?" I asked Charlie, while Anthony was occupied with the new cars and garage he picked out in exchange for the toy I had gotten him, the one he already had. Charlie nodded his head, admitting that he knew about this Jake asshole and couldn't even give me a heads up, what the fuck?

"Now listen Edward, maybe I should have told you but I didn't want to be the one, of course it shouldn't have come from Anthony either," he said, trying to stick up for his daughter.

"You're fucking right it shouldn't have, I mean, she's with this Jake enough that he bought my son a Christmas present, I deserved to know," I ranted while Charlie stayed quiet, just listening.

"Did you meet him?" I asked realizing that Charlie had spent Christmas with Bella and Anthony inPuerto Ricoand Anthony got a Christmas present from him.

"Yeah, he was with us for Christmas," he admitted, looking remorseful, he knew that he should have told me.

"So it's serious? I mean spending holidays together is serious, isn't it?"

"I suppose," he said noncommittally

"You suppose? Charlie, give me something here, tell me you hated him," I practically begged. I wanted, needed to hear that this guy was a nothing, a joke.

"I can't, he was nice enough maybe a little boring, not much of a sense of humor and dressed like a metrosexual," he said with a shrug. I had to laugh at that because how in the hell did Charlie know what a metrosexual was, so I asked and told me that Bella had called him that.

"So she's happy with him?" I asked, apparently I was a glutton for punishment. I hated that Bella could break my heart even though it had been years and there were thousands of miles apart between us; she shouldn't have had this hold over me still but she did.

"I guess," Charlie said honestly and whether his next words were meant to calm me down or not they did. "But I've seen her happier."

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><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

P.S. I lied in some review replies that things should start turning around this chapter but it's actually the next one. Oops!


	37. Chapter 37

Hi all!

So I haven't updated in forever. My apologies; I could give you lame excuses like work woes, my kid and wife never letting me near the computer which is totally true, my best friend coming to visit and funerals but I won't.

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being the bestest friend ever!

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><p>Vicki was famous for saying and relating random quotes to any situations, whether they made sense or not. She told me that 'We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails,' when I told her that my final book had taken a turn I never expected. Although her most used was 'to know me is to understand me, and to understand me is to love me,' or maybe it was 'You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same,' that just goes to show how out there she truly was.<p>

But sometimes she was so on point, she told me 'the only thing worse than getting your heart broken is breaking it yourself.' That was after I cried to her about hating myself for moving away from home and leaving Edward just months after arriving inNew York. And sometimes she takes a quote and butchers it to suit her needs like 'April showers bring May flowers' which she turned into 'April breakups bring May hookups.'

As my best friend, she shouldn't have been as joyful about my break up with Jacob but she was and didn't hold back her feelings about it. Apparently she thought he was a pretentious, showboaty douche bag, she stole that last one from my ex-husband. She did a great job of hiding her true feelings for Jake while we were together but once I ended things she let her true feelings be known. She said that Jake liked the idea of our relationship, the successful real estate attorney and the bestselling author; we should have been a perfect couple.

I knew she was wrong; Jake was sweet, understanding and accepting of my crazy schedule and my son. The thing was I didn't need sweet and easy. I wanted what I had with Edward, the lust and love; chances are I would never have that again, how sad is that? To know that your love life at sixteen was more passionate, loving and fucking hot than it was at twenty-two; it was pathetic.

I could have floated through our relationship blissfully ignoring the fact that I wasn't truly in love with him but when he asked me point blank where I saw us going, I couldn't lie. I couldn't tell him that I wanted everything he wanted like marriage or more children because I didn't. I couldn't say that he was everything that I wanted because he simply wasn't. Lying would have only dragged out the inevitable heartbreak.

Jake said that I just needed more time that he could make me the happiest woman in the world but he just didn't get it. We were together for almost a year and by then if I wasn't madly in love and wanting forever with him, it just wasn't going to happen.

I had my chance; I could have been the happiest woman in the world, but I had thrown that away for silly reasons. It was funny to realize that laundry and location were silly things because years ago they were everything that made me want to leave.

I was currently on a book tour for the release of my third book. I loved being on tour, going from city to city meeting fans of all ages; it was out of this world that people actually wanted to meet me. And a major plus of being on tour was being away from the city and Jacob, like Vicki said 'When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.' I hoped that was true; I wanted nothing more than for Jake to move on and find someone who loved him with their whole heart because I just couldn't.

The part I hated was missing my baby; I hadn't see Anthony in a month and a half. He was spending the summer with Edward in Forks. We talked every day and Skyped but it wasn't the same as hugging and kissing him goodnight every night. I assumed that it wasn't enough for Edward either and he had been dealing with it for years. Not that I wanted to feel bad for Edward after his epic freak-out over Christmas but it was hard not to when I felt like I had shortchanged him in the parenting department. Now that I was dealing with missing my son and the inadequate communication I had with him; it made me feel even worse for the way I left Edward.

A few nights ago, I cried after hanging up with him because he sounded so cute and happy as he told me about his day at the garage. He claimed that he was going to grow big and make cars by hand. And just last night he giggled while whispering that "Daddy looks like a grizzly bear." If he were home with me, I would have grabbed his face and given him a hundred kisses, which was our nightly thing. Instead, I had to settle for asking why he looked like a grizzly bear and Anthony explained that Edward's face was covered with hair and that it scratched him when he kissed him goodnight. The thought of Edward with a beard was strange, I couldn't picture it but I bet he looked incredible.

It was easy to say goodnight to Anthony last night because I knew that I would be seeing him the next day. I was scheduled for a book signing at the Barnes and Noble atPacific PlaceinSeattle. Charlie and I had made plans to connect after my appearance, have dinner and spend two nights together before I had to fly toCalifornia. I was so excited that my day dragged on even though I loved meeting the young girls that would come with their mothers who had also read my books. They would come wearing homemade shirts that said 'I Run With The Vampires,' 'Team Robert' and 'TaylorHasn't Imprinted yet Because He Hasn't Met Me!' It was still hard to wrap my mind around the whole thing.

Finally, my day was done after signing hundreds of books and taking a million pictures, I was in the back getting ready to go. I had ten minutes to make it across the mall to meet up with my little love when I heard a deep, gruff voice, "excuse me Ms. Masen?"

I was exhausted from the nonstop traveling, from trying my hardest to make the minute or so that each person had in front of me actually mean something, I just wasn't in the mood any longer today. But I didn't like the idea of letting someone down, especially if they had come to see me so I put on a fake smile, turned around to whoever had snuck back into the restricted area.

It was _him_.

I was prepared to see a dad standing next to his young daughter with a copy of my latest book; I wasn't prepared to see _him_.

It had been years, so long. I couldn't take my eyes off him, he looked the same but different. And I was right the beard looked beyond incredible on him.

"Surprise Mummy!" Anthony yelled, running to give me a hug. I had honestly not even noticed my son standing next to him but now I was hugging and holding him. My baby's touch was barely enough to calm the nerves that were bordering on full out panic, but once he was back on his feet with his hand in mine, the nerves were back.

What was he doing here? Where was my father? I wasn't ready for this.

"Hi beautiful girl."

* * *

><p>Love? Hate? Are we ready for them to finally meet up again?<p>

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	38. Chapter 38

I have added a bit after the amazing dolphin62598 beta'd this so any mistakes are all on me :)

And MoDunk for prereading and for introducing me to Daddylisle and Babyward, even if that wasn't her intention!

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><p>"I'm not sure about this," I yelled from the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and walking back into Charlie's living room.<p>

"I can't do the drive today or the walking around."

I knew how hard it was on Charlie to admit that he needed help and didn't want to push the issue. It didn't matter that I was scared shitless about seeing Bella again, it had been over four years, but for Charlie I would do it.

"Yeah, no it's fine," I lied. "You should rest and make sure to drink enough, you've said it helps," I put the water down on the coffee table along with the prescriptions I had picked up on my way over.

"Thanks son, I wouldn't want Bella to miss seeing Anthony and you know he misses her."

"Me neither, I'm going to go and pack a bag, we need to get on the road soon." I agreed and would do anything to make my son happy especially because it was his birthday in a few days but seeing my ex-wife face to face was seriously pushing my limits. Anthony was spending the summer with me while Bella was on tour for her third book, it had already been almost months; there was no way I could deny him going to see her.

"Give her my love but please don't-" Charlie started but I cut him off.

"I won't, you know I won't. If you need anything call mom, she'll be home all day."

"Stop worrying, I'll be fine," he said in his signature gruff voice, he hated when anyone fussed over him.

I called Anthony in from the backyard, he was disappointed that grandpa was feeling icky again and thought it would be 'weird to eat dinner with my dad and mum.' I laughed nervously thinking the same thing; this was going to be an awkward night.

Back at the apartment, I had thrown together a bag for Anthony and I, already knowing that Bella had rooms reserved in the city so she and Anthony could celebrate his and her birthday together before she took off to California. I had no idea how I would spend my nights but assumed that there was a shitload of beer in my future.

"Dad, can we bring the tent? Mommy hasn't been camping in a long time." I nodded and scrambled to disassemble the small three-person tent Anthony had been sleeping in since he arrived.

After my Christmas time freak out over Bella dating Jake the asshole, I realized that I needed to move on. And not the bullshit digging my heels in the sand moving on that I had been pretending to do for the last four years. I decided to move out on my own and rented a one-bedroom apartment close to the garage. It was across the street from the place Bella and I had forever ago; I hated looking over and seeing our old place and the new family that had replaced my former family but I had to let go and live. Living alone was strange and I had to learn how to cook more than just pasta because that got old quick. I also tried dating but truth was I hadn't met anyone around here that I wanted to spend more than a night or two with; even those random nights were few and far between and not at all since my boy was here. I offered to let him take or share my bed but he saw the unopened tent and thought camping out was a better idea. I was all for it except when he asked me to sleep with him, I wasn't old but sleeping on a hard floor did bad things to my back.

Once we were ready to go I started to sweat, this wasn't a good sign; hopefully the three hour drive would calm me down. I at least, I had the upper hand; I had a few hours to prepare but Bella was going to be completely surprised and thrown off by seeing me instead of Charlie.

The drive was long and luckily, Anthony slept for the majority of the ride and complained that he missed the ferry; I promised he would see it on the way home. As we entered the city, I needed to concentrate on the signs; driving in the city was confusing and the last thing I wanted was to get lost and be late.

"Hey dad, have you ever met my mom?" he asked completely serious, I would have hoped that he would have already been told where babies come from so he would know that of course Bella and I had met. But his question made me realize, Anthony had never seen his mother and I in the same room, not that he would remember; this was definitely a big deal for him.

"Of course, it's just that we haven't seen each other in a long time."

"Are you nervous?" he asked. That right there was the beauty of kids; they knew everything without knowing anything.

"Yeah buddy I am but it will fine, you'll see," I hoped being honest was the way to go in this situation but what the hell did I know.

"Okay, do you think I could get cake for dinner? Mommy lets me do that sometimes."

"Oh really?" I looked back at my son in the rearview mirror; he was trying not to laugh and obviously lying. He nodded and really starting laughing as I pulled into the Pacific Place parking garage and promised that if it was okay with mommy then it was fine with me.

We walked hand in hand; Anthony asked if we could stop at the small flower cart and get her 'good job' flowers like Jake did before, I agreed ignoring the Jake thing. I knew from grilling Anthony when he got here that Jake had been really busy and that he hadn't seen him since the snowstorm, that was at least four months ago; I shouldn't have been so happy about that but I was.

He picked out a sunflower along with a few roses, they didn't go together at all but it was what he picked out. We walked towards the bookstore where Bella had a scheduled appearance that should have ended ten minutes ago; hopefully she wasn't still doing whatever it was that she did during those things.

Barnes and Noble was packed but Bella was no longer at the table or podium where her new book was displayed. I asked where we could find her and was given the quick brush off by a store employee but an older blond women came over and knelt down to Anthony's level whispering loud enough for me to hear, "a little birdie told me that you're turning six in a few days, is that true?" Anthony nodded his head vigorously and said that he was having a birthday campout with his mom and dad. The woman who still didn't even glance up at me said that mommy would love that then finally stood up and introduced herself to me as Jane, Bella's agent. She brought us in the back while asking Anthony about his summer; I stayed quiet, silently freaking the fuck out.

And there she was.

My nerves were through the motherfucking roof and instead of trying to think up something clever to say I froze. Anthony tugged my hand, pointing at the only woman I had ever and probably would ever love; I would have known if was from whether my son had pointed her out or not. Her long brown hair was a little shorter and a little darker but her shape was the same. I missed her curves, her everything and being near her only intensified that.

I tried to be nonchalant as I called her name and laughed at her phony smile when she turned around, she was stunned to see me that much was obvious. Somehow Bella had only gotten more beautiful over the last few years, I had seen pictures in magizines and the backs of her books, but they didn't do her justice. She was tired and had a fake smiled plastered on until she saw our son but she was still radiant.

Anthony ran into her arms and they hugged, kissed and chatted for a few moments. I had forgotten how much I loved seeing them together; it had been far too long. Finally, they broke apart and she looked at me again, she looked as scared as I felt.

"Hi beautiful girl," the words slipped out without my consent, she had literally rendered me stupid.

I heard a quiet gasp as she took in my words, the name I used to love calling her because to me Bella was truly the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Ed…Edward, hi. Umm what are you doing here?" I wished she had slipped up and called me baby or handsome but I'd take Edward too.

"Grandpa was sick again so daddy brought me!" Anthony said happily before I could speak. "I'm hungry, can we eat?"

Anthony was oblivious to the tension between Bella and me; it must be nice to be a kid. Bella said she was starving and grabbed her bag, it was a fancy bag, I didn't need to see the brand to know that it looked expensive. In fact, her entire outfit looked rather pricey, a tight dark gray dress and sexy ass black heels. It wasn't a look I was used to seeing on her; she used to be clad in jeans and t-shirts. To me, she looked perfect either way.

We walked with Anthony in between us, both stealing glances at the other; dinner was going to be very interesting. It didn't escape my notice that people were looking at Bella, most likely because they knew she would be here today but I wondered if she got that a lot. Luckily we had a reservation because the wait would have been ridiculous and Bella had foresight to request a private booth in the back, so we wouldn't be subjected to stares and people asking for autographs. Anthony chatted on and on about the drive, staying in a new hotel and how it would compare the nice one whatever that meant. He asked for cake before his dinner and Bella said that he could eat his dinner then have cake and that made him just as happy as if she allowed him to eat the cake first. His chatter got us through ordering food and waiting for it to arrive but once his mac and cheese was put in front of him an awkward silence settled over us. I decided to be the man and try to appear confident but stumbled over my words a bit.

"So how did today go? You know the book thing?" I sounded like a fucking idiot.

"It was good, a lot more people than they projected. How's the garage?" Bella asked quickly, sounding just as nervous as me.

I had to fight the urged to ask her if she actually gave a shit how the garage was. My mind was all over the place, I was nervous but excited to see her again and I also had the overwhelming urge to tell her to go fuck herself.

Instead of being an asshole, I told her how good business was since Clearwater's closed early in the spring and how my father was planning on cutting down his hours and adding another mechanic; it would be great for us and give him more down time. Bella seemed happy for us then asked about my mother and how she was doing. We really got into a flow, the awkwardness was gone; it was nice to just talk to her; somewhere along the line we had stopped doing that.

Our easy flow stopped when dessert was over, it was time to settle the bill; my jaw had practically dropped when I saw how much it our meal came to but forcefully brushed Bella's attempt to pay off. My wallet could handle the hit better than my ego but I would be trying to work a few extra hours next week to make up for it.

"So did you want me to drop you off at your hotel?" I asked nervously. I would stay in the city but there was no way I could afford the Four Seasons and their five hundred dollar a night rooms and I didn't want to stay in a room that Bella had paid for; I would be staying somewhere else.

"Well I booked a two bedroom suite since Charlie was supposed to be coming, you're welcome to stay there with us," Bella offered, seeming just as nervous as I was.

I wanted to tell her that she could take her fancy suite and shove it. And I wanted to stay in that fancy suite with her and our son. I really had no idea what I wanted but Anthony knew exactly what he wanted.

"Dad we're camping out remember? You have to stay with us!" He exclaimed grabbing both our hands and walking out of the still crowded restaurant. I shouldn't have wanted to stay with them considering my thoughts ranged from trying to make Bella cry to making love to her again. But I might only get this one night to be with the two people I loved the most in the world, I wasn't giving that up.

* * *

><p>Love? Hate? So Edward seems to be a little all over the place but wouldn't you be?<p>

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	39. Chapter 39

I have added a bit after the amazing dolphin62598 beta'd this so any mistakes are all on me :)

And MoDunk for prereading and for finally reading Quiet Storm because it is my absolute fav fic right now!

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><p>"Hi beautiful girl," my rugged and sexy ex-husband said with the facial hair my son had told me about. It was a slip, I saw the shock on his face as he used the nickname he used to call me but I liked it, it felt right.<p>

I stuttered out a hello; this was going to be a long, uncomfortable night.

But then it really wasn't, there were moments of awkwardness but overall it was nice. Anthony told me story after story about all the fun things he did with Edward and Grandpa Ed, I did notice that he didn't mention fishing with my father, which was odd. Anthony was really an outdoorsy, small town boy at heart. He loved fishing, hiking, playing in the dirt, everything you couldn't do in the city. Both Edward and I laughed and listened throughout dinner and dessert but once the bill came, it got uncomfortable. I knew it would be crazy expensive but so worth it; I offered to pay but Edward brushed me off. He actually told me to 'hand over the god damn paper.'

It was decided that Edward would keep the plans the same, as if Charlie were here and was going to stay in my suite, Anthony seemed thrilled to have us both together. It kind of broke my heart that it mattered so much to him; I had taken him away from Edward so young that he couldn't remember us ever being together before tonight.

Anthony ran around the massive suite proclaiming it _almost as awesome as the nice room_, he was referring to the hotel suite we stayed in Paris in early April, while I checked in with Jane. I was ecstatic to have two nights with my little guy. Anthony got right into his pajamas and told Edward and I that we needed to do the same; they set up the tent where Anthony wanted to sleep while I went to shower.

I threw on some comfy pants and a tank top, joining Edward and Anthony in the living room. Anthony looked as adorable as always in his Superman pajamas, he was hanging on Edward's back as he set up the little tent. The room was rearranged with the coffee table; sofa and side chairs all pushed away from the fireplace so there would be enough room for the tent. I just watched, trying not to drool over the fitted white t-shirt and black flannel pants Edward wore. My memories didn't do him justice, he was more built and bulkier but not overly so, he just looked so good.

"Mum!" Anthony yelled, running over to me. "I picked out a movie to watch; can you put it on?"

"Of course, baby. What are we watching?"

"The original Superman, it's badass," Anthony said, seemingly unaware that badass was a swear and he wasn't allowed to say it.

"Anthony," Edward scolded. "That's a no-no word."

I tried not to laugh but it wasn't often or ever, actually that I got to see Edward parent and hearing him say 'no-no word' and giving a disapproving look was just about the cutest thing I had ever seen.

"Sorry dad, can we sleep here?" he asked just as the movie started.

Edward looked over at me silently asking, waiting for my answer. I wanted to say hell no. I was exhausted and there was an extremely comfortable queen size bed calling my name, but this was his thing with Edward and he wanted me to be a part of it so there was no way I could say no. I nodded my head in agreement and my little guy threw his fist in the air, literally fist pumping over sleeping on the floor although it was much more than just having a campout.

This was big for Anthony; this entire night was huge for him. He was just a toddler when Edward and I split up; he was too young to remember a time where we were together and happy. He could never remember being in the same room as the both of us, eating at the same table or something as simple and normal as watching a movie together.

Anthony helped Edward and I grab the fluffy down comforters from both beds and all the pillows so we could be as comfortable as possible. We crawled in the tent, it was a tight fit but Anthony didn't seem to mind. I tucked a pillow under my head, lying on my stomach as Anthony pulled my arm around him; it wasn't comfortable but there was nothing I loved more than snuggling up with my baby.

The credits rolled, Anthony had been asleep since Clark Kent saved Lois Lane or something; I couldn't pay attention with Edward near me. Even with Anthony sandwiched between us, I could feel the electricity between us. Every few minutes I would sneak a glance to my right and each time Edward had his eyes on me, much less covert than I. But that was Edward, he never hid his true feelings and right now he wanted me to know that he was watching me, it was unnerving. I jumped up, announcing that I had to go to the bathroom before he had the chance to say anything; I needed a few minutes away from him.

I took a few deep breaths and walked back into the living room, I had no idea what the rest of the night would bring but it was barely ten. Edward was in one of chairs they had pushed out of the way for the tent, watching the cars far below us.

"Want some?" He asked taking a sip of a beer; I nodded and walked towards him, taking the bottle from him without a thought. I thanked him and took a sip; I wasn't much of a beer drinker but it didn't matter he was offering me; I would have taken anything just to relax.

"So how have you been?" It wasn't a strange question considering we hadn't truly spoken about anything other than Anthony for almost four years. I was looking at the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with; it hurt to be so unfamiliar with each other's lives.

"Good, glad to be done with the tour next week."

"Yeah, I bet the traveling is exhausting, you know going from city to city." Edward said, opening another beer. He must have thought I was crazy because I actually took his drink instead of getting my own.

"It's definitely not as fun and glamorous as one would think," I admitted because traveling to twenty different cities in a month was tiring and being away from my baby was wearing on me.

"How 'bout you? I mean, how have you been?" I asked stumbling over my words.

"This is fucking weird, right?" Edward said, making us both laugh because this _was_ fucking weird. Edward was never one to shy away from saying what was on his mind, it was nice to see the old him again.

"No kidding," I agreed. From the moment he called me beautiful girl he had been a nervous, awkward mess, I hated that it was me who did that. And I was constantly stumbling over my words and saying random things just to fill the silence.

"How's Forks?" I asked hesitantly after a few minutes of quiet, nothing but the sounds of us taking sip after sip from our beers. Our small hometown was a major deal breaker at the end of our marriage; I hated everything about it while he at some point grew to love it.

"Same old, same old," Edward was sounding different, rushed and uncomfortable. Conversation had never been so strained between us before but before we were in love, we weren't anymore. No, that wasn't true and I knew it the moment he called me at Christmas time, screaming his ass off. His vile words wouldn't have affected me so much if I didn't care about him and his opinion of me.

"Edward, what's going on with my father?" I asked, just now remembering that he wasn't here like we had planned.

"Nothing, he just wasn't feeling that great today," he lied almost convincingly; it was crazy to me that after years apart, I could still read him like a book. I wanted to believe him, believe that something wasn't seriously wrong but I could think back to two instances when Anthony said grandpa wasn't feeling good. Two times in the last month and a half, that is one more time than I ever remember him being sick throughout my entire childhood. I let it go for right now because maybe I didn't want to know what was going on, I was leaving tomorrow and would be busy for the next week. I didn't want whatever was being hidden from me weighing on my mind.

We talked about everything else over a few more drinks; the garage, his parents, people we graduated with. It was nice to just talk to him again; I had missed him so much. Hell I missed just talking to a friend, if I could ever consider Edward a friend. I had Vicki and Alice but things were just easier with him, they always had been. It was all great until he asked if New York was everything I hoped it would be and then challenged me when I said that it was.

"Really? You don't seem happy to me," he said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Excuse me?" I asked, immediately feeling defensive.

"You just don't seem happy," he repeated taking another swig of his fifth beer.

"I am," I pushed, not liking his attitude; it was quite the shift from moments ago.

"What happened to the girl who left Forks? The one who dreamed of living a life without small town bullshit, whose soul couldn't take another day there with me. You left to be happy but you don't seem it. You say you're happy but I can see you're not."

"And you are?" I had gone from happy and relaxed to defensive and pissed off.

"I didn't say that."

"Are you questioning how my life has turned out?" I was fuming over his everything- the laidback look on his face, the nonchalant way he said that I wasn't happy. He had no right. "Mister zero responsibility; you lived with your parents until five months ago; you still work for your father and you are judging me?"

"No, I was merely-" I cut him off again because who the hell did he think he was criticizing me?

"You were merely being an epic asshole as usual. I have made millions, traveled the world, been a single mother for the last four years, paying bills and taking my son-"

"Our son," he interrupted. As if he could compare a few random weeks or long weekends he had taken care of our son to the full time I put in for the last four years; the nerve he had to say anything to me.

"My son-"

"He's our fucking son, Bella. Our fucking son," he screamed at me. And there we both were pissed off, staring at each other and wanting to just make the other hurt.

"My Son," I said with a hatred I didn't think I had in me. "I have been taking my son to the doctors; I have had all the major responsibility and I have been doing it All. By. My. Self," I punctuated each word, pointing my finger at my chest. I was barely able to restrain myself because it was one thing for me to doubt some of my choices but for him to do it was an entirely different thing.

"All by yourself? You chose to do it that fucking way, no one forced you to leave," he said backing up, away from me like I was this wild animal being cornered, maybe I was.

"No," I said softly, tears started forming in my eyes, he was right, I always knew that. "No, you were supposed to come with me. I wanted you to choose me, leave with me," I said a little louder, obviously not caring that our son was asleep just feet away.

"My life was in Forks, Bella!" Edward whispered screamed. "You knew that, I didn't want to move to the big city anymore and you didn't seem to give a shit about what I wanted."

"I was supposed to be your life, Anthony and I, you should have wanted us," I was sounding every bit of the immature nineteen year old I was when I left. In my heart, I knew that I didn't fight hard enough for him and our marriage either but there was no reason to let him know that.

"Bella-"

"I can't do this with you. I just can't." I said with tears streaming down my face, I walked toward my room, needing space from him. California couldn't come fast enough; I needed to get away from him now.

"So go, that's your thing, you just go."

"Yes Edward I need to get away from you and your bullshit, you're mean because you're jealous." I started, talking crazy because I knew he wasn't jealous; he didn't give a shit about the money I made or the house I lived in. He cared about Anthony and the fact that I left, taking him with me.

"Jealous? You think I'm jealous? Oh you have got to be kidding me, I'm not jealous of the money you have or life you live. For the last four years I've been fucking heartbroken that you didn't want me to be a part of it."

"You ended it, you said we were over, not me." We were both screaming now, luckily Anthony slept through it all because we weren't being quiet.

"And you didn't try and fight for us, not once, in fact you had my son on a plane a month later so don't you dare put all the blame on me."

"What did you want me to say?" I asked theoretically, there was a million things I could have done differently the fact was back then I didn't want to.

"I don't know maybe that you loved me that we could have figured out a way to make it work. You broke my fucking heart."

I stayed silent as I took in all his words and the fact that there were now tears in his eyes; Edward wasn't a crier, I did that to him. He was right I didn't try to salvage anything. I was gone in a month; I couldn't have fled faster if I tried. I wanted what I wanted, not caring about how it would make Edward feel or how it would impact Anthony. But that didn't mean that I was going to apologize now, if he didn't want me to go he shouldn't have said the words.

"This is why I left because there was never any talking to you. You're just an... an asshole," I slammed the door and locked it, not wanting our fight to go any further but at the same time I wanted to scream in his face until I felt better about every choice I had made over the years. Instead I cried, not caring that Edward was lightly knocking on the door and whispering apologies that weren't necessary because deep inside I knew everything had been my fault.

At some point, I fell into the most restless sleep I had in years; the morning coming too quickly. I was embarrassed to leave my room but refused to miss a minute with my baby. I opened the door and smiled immediately, Anthony was sitting up next to a still sleeping Edward. I wanted to tell Anthony to get dressed so I would have a minute alone to punch Edward awake then punch him some more but I held my tongue.

"Good morning mummy," Anthony said not taking his eyes off the television; it was like we hadn't been apart at all.

"Good morning baby, you hungry?"

I ordered room service, remembering that Edward loved chocolate chip pancakes, as did Anthony. By the time the food came, both Anthony and I were ready for the day while Edward was just waking up. I wanted so badly to whisk my baby off for his birthday celebration without his father in tow but no matter how uncomfortable it would be between us now, Anthony deserved this.

"Bella, I'm sorry about last night," Edward whispered into my ear just before sitting down across from me, but it didn't do much to sway me. I wanted to get away from him, not hear his apologies or see his face, which showed how shitty he was feeling. Good, I felt the same way.

"I was thinking about going to a game today, how does that sound?" I asked Anthony, ignoring Edward.

"You got tickets?" Anthony and Edward said at the same time; it was the Mariners vs. the Yankees, both of their favorite teams. Anthony was such a fan that for the last two Christmases I bought him season tickets and we went to as many games as possible.

"I sure did," I said showing him the first baseline tickets.

"Awesome," he screamed and high fived me and then Edward, who also looked excited as hell over the tickets.

I hated baseball but loved watching Anthony and Edward get so into the game. I got to see the similarities between the two like the way they laughed or the facial expressions and mannerisms they used. It was amazing to see them both jump out of their chair when their favorite team made a good play. Anthony looked exactly like me but the way he carried himself, his personality, he was all Edward.

After the game we made our way to the Space Needle, Anthony had been talking about going to the top since he found out we were meeting up in Seattle. He was mesmerized as we rode up and even more excited that we were going to have his birthday dinner in the revolving restaurant. He said that we were the best parents on the earth and made us take a picture together on the observation deck. It was awkward and uncomfortable but then Edward's arm was around me, pulling me to him as Anthony snapped away. I hated to admit that his arms around me felt no good, no matter how angry I was over last night. And I couldn't help but really smile when he kissed my cheek for another picture. Then a sweet, older man offered to take a picture of the three of us which Anthony immediately accepted handing over his camera and ran over to stand in front of us. The man counted down, we all smiled and for the first time in too long I felt whole.

Dinner was a blur. I know Anthony talked about the game and how amazing his hometown team played while he ate his steak. I know that Edward scoffed at our son's love for the enemy while he ate his pasta. I ate but couldn't taste it; my mind was going a mile a minute with regret and apologizes. If Anthony wasn't at the table, I would have said it all, tried to explain myself. Not there was any excuse for the things I had done and said last night and over the years.

"This was my best day ever," Anthony said with a huge smile while eating his ice cream. "I think I'd like to do it again."

"You know what I'd like? I want the Yankees to lose tomorrow," Edward said laughing, obviously ignoring our son's last thought. I'm sure that he couldn't find a good enough answer because who knew if we would ever be together like this again. I couldn't think of a thing to say besides I'm sorry so I just smiled.

We took advantage of the nice night and walked back to the hotel, the three of us holding hands. It was the perfect ending to my baby's best day ever and I let my mind pretend that we were the picture perfect family because in spite everything that was what I wanted. It was laughable for me to even think like that when I couldn't have one adult conversation with my ex-husband but I vowed to try and make things right, tonight.

I waited on the terrace while Edward put Anthony to bed hoping that he would come looking for me; luckily, I didn't have to wait too long.

"Hey," I whispered, right as he slid open the door.

"Hey Bella, listen I'm sorry for last night," Edward said quickly, not making any movement to actually come outside.

"You're apologizing to me?" I said almost laughing. Edward might have started things last night but I went above and beyond. I accused him of not wanting Anthony or I enough to fight for us when I knew that nothing would have changed my mind. I basically called him a shitty parent when I was the reason he wasn't able to be there.

"I had no right to question the things you do, not anymore,not for a long time."

"After everything I've done, I should be the one saying that I'm sorry," I said honestly. I was trying to formulate my thoughts, I wanted to say a million things but as always I couldn't find the words.

"For what?" he questioned, looking doubtful and after every nasty thing I said last night, I would be doubtful of anything I had to say to.

"Where do I even begin?"

* * *

><p>Love? Hate?<p>

Have you voted for the Twilight of Craigslist contest? No? Well go!

http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/3211840/TwilightofCraigslistContest


	40. Chapter 40

A million thanks to the most patient and amazing beta dolphin62598 :) This was the second draft!

And MoDunk for prereading and for picking up my phone call last night!

* * *

><p>I closed the sliding door behind me and sat down in the chair across from her. It was dark, every star was out and the moon shining brightly. Bella looked so beautiful with her eyes closed and her head back against her chair. I think we were both at a loss for where to start because this wasn't a conversation people had every day.<p>

"You know for a long time I blamed you, for everything," Bella started, looking scared shitless. "I let myself believe that if you had helped out more around the house, I would have been happier or that if we ran away, just the three of us, that we would fix whatever was broken but never once did I think, what am I doing wrong?"

I listened while she said so much, so much more than I would have thought. I was expecting anger and blame for what happened and to hear that we could never work because of me but no,Bella cried and apologized for things that happened years ago and the words she screamed at me last night.

She looked so sad as she gazed beyond me, looking into the darkness then told me to never assume that just because she was living where she wanted, doing what she wanted that she was really happy because every day she felt my absence.

"You were better at it then me," I said, not really having a point. This entire conversation had me dumbfounded but in some fucked up way I wanted to let her know how well she handled everything, I certainly didn't.

I was embarrassingly honest about my life; nothing had really changed in four years. I still worked with my father and just moved out of my parent's basement. I didn't hide the fact that I lived life like a zombie, not feeling anything except empty because I didn't have her or Anthony. I wasn't trying to make her feel bad but there was no reason to hide it, anyone around me could have told her the truth.

"I didn't have a choice, did I?" Bella asked, avoiding my eyes staring down at the weathered planks of the porch. I shook my head, not really understanding "I had Anthony, I was the only one to take care of him, day to day. And leaving was my choice; I had no one else to blame."

I didn't know what to say but I couldn't let her be the one to take all the blame. Bella didn't break us all on her own, I was there and I knew something was wrong for way too fucking long and did nothing to fix it. I told her that and she smiled her tears slowly drying as she stood up from her seat. She took the few steps to me and cautiously she sat in my lap, snuggling into me. I didn't know how to relax but couldn't deny the feelings that went through my body, I fucking missed her. We both relaxed when my arms wrapped around her.

Having her in my arms felt right but I didn't know what it meant.

Did she want to get back together? Did I? That was a stupid question. Of course I wanted to be with her again, my love for her never waned. But that didn't mean that a few words about how sorry we both were would fix everything, they wouldn't.

"I miss you all the time," she cried.

"I miss you too, all the time," I confessed, running my fingers through her hair. I could have said so much more but didn't want to be the first one to put it all out there.

"What happens now?" Bella asked looking up at me. Her eyes were slightly red from crying but she was as beautiful as ever.

"It's up to you, what do you want?"

"I want you, I want us back, I want Anthony happy like he is when you're around. I just want everything." Her answer was brutally honest, it was exactly what I wanted to hear but it didn't answer any real questions. There were so many obstacles in our way and distance was just one of them.

All the shit that went down years ago, we needed to get to know each other again; four years wasn't a long time but we had both changed. We needed to let go of any lingering hostility towards each other, I couldn't have another argument like last night. We needed to learn how to communicate and really listen to each other. And fuck if everything worked out the way I wanted then I really needed to learn how to clean up after myself.

"You? What do you want?" Bella asked, so adorably nervous, as if I could deny her anything.

"I want it all too, I want you but there is a lot of shit to work through before any of that happens," I said trying to be realistic. No matter how you looked at it, our lives we were in two separate places. I knew there was no way I could handle a long distance relationship; I wanted her and Anthony with me all the time.

"I write, I can write anywhere," Bella said softly as her hair fell in front of her face, trying to hide from me; as if she was scared of my reaction, as if she didn't just make my heart fucking explode. "I want to be wherever you are."

I moved the hand that was rubbing her back to her cheek, brushing it lightly, pushing her hair back. I wanted to see her. .

"Please don't," I begged, wanting her to forget whatever memory had bothered her moments ago. "I have gone long enough without seeing you, I want to see you."

Bella pushed her smooth, soft cheek against my palm, her eyes closed, her face peaceful and serene for that one moment.

Her words were sincere, they meant so much but my mind immediately went back to the Bella from years ago, the one who wanted nothing to do with Forks, the one who ran away the first chance she got. Who's to say that she wouldn't move back just to be with me and be miserable again? I wanted her and Anthony back with me more than anything but not at the expense of either of our happiness.

"I used to think that Manhattan was this amazing place and it is but I have missed Forks, being around my family more than you or I could have imagined. I have wanted to come home more times than you could even believe." She said what I needed to hear, I needed assurances that things were different.

"Oh and the museums are wonderful but how many times can you walk through the MFA or CMOM, you know?" She laughed lightening the mood; I laughed along with her but had no idea what either of those two things were.

*-WWS-*

Anthony and Bella walked hand in hand as I carried her bag. Walking Bella to check-in wasn't what I wanted to be doing; I wanted more of last night. I would have loved to kiss her and fall asleep next to her but neither of us wanted to rush anything. We talked well into the night, my arms stayed around her as we made a few decisions, decisions that would hopefully lead to more and better things.

We agreed to keep things from Anthony, not wanting to get his hopes up and having to break them if things didn't work out. We always agreed that Anthony would start school in Forks, since she would still be on tour and hopefully they would be moving back soon. We planned on talking every day and having Skype dates to get to know each other again and it was something we could share with Anthony without it seeming too out of the ordinary. Most importantly, Bella had planned on coming to visit Forks after the last stop on her book tour instead of going home to New York. I was looking forward to spending more time with my two favorite people, this time I wouldn't be filled with nerves because I knew things were different now.

Both Bella and Anthony looked so sad as they hugged a few times and Anthony promised to have breakfast together the following morning on Skype. But even with promised breakfast dates, I could see how sad Bella was over leaving her baby again, two days wasn't enough for her; I knew the feeling.

It was my turn to say goodbye and Anthony was watching us closely, just as he had been all morning. Maybe he could see the change in us, saw that we were different with each other.

"Have a safe flight," I said quietly, trying to fight the urge to kiss the shit out of her.

"Thanks, drive safe," she said with a sweet smile.

I shocked us both by wrapping my hand around her wrist and pulling her to me; I couldn't let her leave with something. I wrapped her up in my arms and smiled as she relaxed into me; there was a time when I thought that I would never be able to hold her again. I held her for just a few seconds before I brought my hands up and gently gripped the back of her neck.

"Thank you for last night, beautiful girl."

"Take care of my baby," she squeezed me tighter to her, it was the best feeling in the world. "I'll miss you."

"Me too," I whispered, leaning down into her ear then left a kiss on her temple. It was subtle; Anthony wouldn't have noticed anything more than us hugging.

I put her suitcase up to be checked-in and grabbed my boy's hand; I knew how much he missed his mother.

"Okay you boys be good, I love you," she blew us a kiss then walked through security.

Anthony and I just stood there, probably looking as sad as could be watching her walk away.

*-WWS-*

"Are they almost done? Dad? Room service just knocked," Anthony was yelling from the living room. He had been Skyping with Bella for the last ten minutes and wanted his breakfast to be finished when hers arrived; luckily, I was done and placed our plates on the table. "You're eating with us?"

I nodded and smiled at his big smile, it didn't take a genius to realize he loved getting to spend time with the two of us, together.

"Alrighty handsome," Bella said as she sat back down and took the lid off her plate, revealing pancakes and fruit.

"Mum, look! Daddy's eating with us!"

"I see, good morning Edward," Bella said with a blinding smile. I'm sure the three of us looked like smiling maniacs but it was all good.

"Good morning," I said trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"This is soooo cool right?" Anthony said excitedly, digging into his breakfast.

"Very. What are you doing today?" Bella asked, trying her hardest not to only look at me but failing, I hoped it was because I was still shirtless.

"Going to bring Grandpa Charlie to the doctors then maybe fishing," Anthony said excitedly; he was such an outdoorsy kid and loved fishing almost as much as baseball.

Bella's eyes shot over to mine, silently questioning why her father was going to the doctor, but it wasn't my place to say anything. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that Charlie had a second heart attack and I was pretty sure Charlie never got around to telling her about the first one, three months ago.

"Edward, what is-"

"Call him Bella," I said simply, not wanting to really get into it in front of Anthony. He knew that Charlie wasn't feeling too good lately but he didn't need to hear the details, that shit would probably scare him.

Breakfast from then on was interesting, Bella agreed to call her father and then Anthony asked how we met. Bella told him the basics that we had grown up together, but things got quiet when he asked why we weren't in love anymore.

I stayed quiet because my answer would have been something like because we were young and stupid and didn't think to fight for what we had, so Bella stumbled over her words and said that we could never stop loving each other because we had him. It didn't do much to help answer Anthony's question but for now it worked.

We talked about Bella coming to visit and all the things Anthony wanted to show her. He wanted to go fishing with her and bring her to the garage. He didn't understand that Bella had seen and done all that way before he came around. She played along and acted excited to see everything again and he was excited to just be with her, as if he wasn't just with her yesterday.

Fuck that, I was just as excited to have her back.

* * *

><p>So what are we thinking? Love? Hate?<p>

I posted on dirty little O/S for the TwiKink Fest so if you're interested go read! http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7589339/1/Eyes_On_Me

See ya in a few days!

Amanda


	41. Chapter 41

Hi there!

I could keep apologizing for the lateness but I won't, it just is.

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and for being perfect.

* * *

><p>I wish my return to Forks wouldn't have involved my father having emergency heart surgery but nothing ever goes as planned.<br>The last two weeks had been lonely but amazing. I spoke to Edward every night and learned all about the new him. There were some great things like how they expanded the garage and his new apartment, but then I had to hear about his attempts at moving on, with someone new, someone who wasn't me. I wanted to gouge my eyes out at the thought of him with anyone else.  
>I knew it was wrong to be happy about him taking years to get over me but I couldn't help myself, especially since it was the same for me. I didn't start dating Jake until we had been divorced for three years so I could relate to his reluctance of moving on. But I went a for serious relationship, he went with a few one night stands and very few dates.<br>Edward said he wanted to learn all about the new Bella but there wasn't much to tell about me except that I wrote a few more books, which he already knew and that my first book was becoming a movie. We could talk about our son for hours, we were obviously biased but to us, Anthony was the greatest child to ever be born.  
>No matter how often Edward I had spoken over the last two weeks, and we talked a lot, it did nothing to diminish the nerves I had about seeing him again. Maybe anxious was a better word to describe the butterflies in my stomach.<br>Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward walk off the elevator with his parents. I could hardly breathe. I hadn't seen them since before I left town. Seeing them again made me realize that I didn't just give up Edward; I gave up the two people had become my second parents. Liz stepped up and acted as the mother Renee wasn't capable of being when I needed her most and Ed was always supportive of us. I couldn't believe how much I had missed them over the years.  
>I stood up and smoothed out my skirt, wanting to make a good impression to thank them for being there for my father when I wasn't. Edward filled me in on all the health issues Charlie had faced over the last year. I just wished I was able to hear about it from my father.<br>"Hi, he's still in, the surgeon said it would be a few hours before we would even get an update. I was just doing some work to pass the time," I said gesturing to the phone in my hand and the laptop open on the couch. "Did Anthony get off to school okay, did he look cute, was he nervous?"  
>I barely took a rest between words as I rambled on trying my hardest not to make direct eye contact with anyone. Liz wouldn't have that, she pulled me in for a hug whispering for me to stop rambling and that everything would be okay. I relaxed into her arms and took a deep breath letting her soft words calm me down. Her embrace was more needed than I thought. My heart and head were all over the place right now.<br>I missed my flight the night before so I didn't make it on time to see Charlie before he went into surgery. I was so worried about him; this was my dad and the thought of anything happening to him was just too much to process. I hadn't seen my son for more than a few hours over the last two months and now the family I had literally left behind was here, checking in on my dad; it was all just too much.  
>"Thank you," I whispered after a few calming minutes.<br>"Anytime," she replied, pulling back from me, looking at me from head to toe. "All grown up."  
>"It doesn't feel like it sometimes."<br>"Stop it, you've done amazing."  
>I had no idea why we were having this weird exchange in the middle of the waiting area while Edward and his father looked on but we were and she was so sincere and sweet, it made me want to cry. The words from her were so different then from Renee, her opinion of me mattered more, weighed on me more. Again, it made me realize that I'd just walked away from her and the love she had so freely given me was almost enough to make me tear up, but I kept it together.<br>"Well come over here," Ed said in that same gruff tone he always used. I laughed and he smiled as I walked into his open arms and let myself relish in the love and affection I had been seriously lacking the last few years.  
>"No hug for me?" Edward said half joking, jokingly but it was the look in his eyes that made me walk to him with heart nearly pounding out of my chest. Would that feeling ever go away when I was around him? I doubted it.<br>"He's going to be fine Bella, I know it,' he whispered, rubbing my back. "Let's sit; you know mom wants to talk your ear off."  
>"Shut up you, I have missed her," Liz playfully scolded Edward then asked me about the fiasco that made me miss my flight yesterday.<br>We talked and talked for hours until the surgeon came in and said that everything went well and Charlie was in recovery, it would be awhile before he would be awake and alert. We all breathed a sigh of relief, relaxed and ate the lunch Edward had brought up from the cafeteria.  
>"Where are you staying?" Ed asked knowing that I planned to stay in town to take care of Charlie.<br>I didn't know how much Edward had told his parents about us potentially getting back together but we both agreed to try to keep it to ourselves until we were completely sure that we would work. That didn't stop me from running to Vicky right away, who was beyond excited for me, she claimed to always know that we would end up back together. I also told my mother who was less than pleased. I'm not sure why but she seemed to just have a thing about Edward or maybe it was me being happy when she was struggling to find that for herself.  
>"I'm waiting to hear to back about a place just outside of town." I had my fingers crossed on vacation rental on Sol Duc River, it was just outside of town; it would be so peaceful and quiet, something I hadn't had since I moved to the city. Anthony could run wild, fish and be the nature loving kid that he has always wanted to be and it was big enough for Charlie to stay and recover.<br>"Won't that be a little pricey?" he asked. Both Liz and Edward scoffed, they both knew how much money I had made, but Ed didn't apparently.  
>"It won't be anything I can't handle."<br>"As long as you can swing it, if not we have a perfectly good basement with your name on it."  
>"No thanks, we'll be fine," I said remembering how much I loved living in the basement, for the most part. Edward and I had so many good times down there and that was Anthony's first home; it was special but I had grown accustomed to having my own space.<p>

*-WWS-*

I had forgotten how infuriating my father could be, but he was doing a good job of reminding me every time he refused to let me help him. It had only been nine days since he was released from the hospital and he was insisting on showering by himself while I wanted him to wait for the visiting nurse. That was another thing he protested about, Esme, a sweet nurse I hired to come in twice a day for a few weeks to make sure Charlie was healing well and to do anything he needed while he was recuperating. He downright refused her offers to do anything besides look under his bandage but I did notice that each visit was lasting a little longer in spite of my father's reluctance to have her actually do anything. Then this morning I heard her tell Charlie that she was making some soup and offered to bring him some when she came back later. I think Charlie and Esme had a little crush thing going on and I loved the idea of him finding happiness after all these years, he had never truly moved on after Renee left.  
>It would also be nice to have him interested in something other than Edward and I. He was constantly asking questions about us even though nothing had happened beyond talking; we were talking each other to death.<br>We at dinner together almost every night and Edward insisted it was so he could spend time with Anthony. Most nights, though, Edward ended up staying with us just in case Charlie needed anything. Charlie didn't buy that though because Edward would use any excuse to touch me. Each touch was innocent though because Anthony was always close by.  
>Our nightly phone calls were replaced with talks in front of the fireplace or on the porch swing out back. We would talk about our days, my father, Anthony's school and his obvious attempts to make us be in love again, as he so adorably referred to it. Our son would find ways to get us to always sit next to each other and hold hands.<br>Like last night, we were out for a walk after dinner, both of us holding Anthony's hand as we walked in the light rain. At first, it was business as usual, but then my sweet boy said that he wanted to walk fast and that we were too old to keep up. He decided that he would walk ahead of us on one of the paths that that wrapped around the property I was renting while Edward and I held hands so we wouldn't get lost. We indulged Anthony and held hands because it was what we both wanted, it was what the three of us wanted; for us to be a family.  
>Tonight, like every night, Edward and I put Anthony to bed, something I was quickly becoming a fan of. We would all crawl in the small full size bed, snuggle up with a book and one of us would read until Anthony was knocked out. We both kissed Anthony good night and made our way downstairs. I noticed that Edward was stretching his neck, like he had done a few times over dinner.<br>"What's wrong?"  
>"Just a kink or something; nothing a hot tub wouldn't fix," he said nonchalantly, knowing that there was a hot tub on the porch. I wanted to roll my eyes at his lameness but the thought of seeing him shirtless again was too good to pass up.<br>"A hot tub, did you know there is one right outside?"  
>"I didn't, how strange is that?" He wasn't very good at playing dumb but it was kind of cute.<br>"Very strange, would you like to go in? It might be just what you need," I said playing into his adorableness.  
>For the most part, we had been pretty hands off, I think we were both nervous about moving forward but tonight something was changing between us and I wasn't going to stop it.<br>Edward was quick to agree that some time in the hot tub would do just the trick and ran out to the patio while I went back upstairs to put on something hot tub appropriate. I wished I had a bathing suit that was sexy and revealing to remind Edward of how much he used to want me, although I was pretty sure he hadn't forgotten. The problem was last time I had gone swimming it was Christmas, my father and Anthony were around so I avoided anything too risqué and opted to wear a one piece, it was backless but still a one piece. I threw it on, put my hair up, grabbed two towels and ran downstairs eager to get back to Edward.  
>The hot tub was on and steaming, Edward was in leaning back with his eyes closed; he looked a little on edge but so sexy. I stepped into the tub and liked the way his eyes looked over my body, evidently I didn't need some skimpy bikini to get his attention.<br>"Is it helping?" I asked standing across from him; letting myself get used to the hot water before sitting down.  
>"Helping?" he repeated finally taking his eyes off my body but just for a second.<br>"Your neck, is the hot tub helping?"  
>"My neck? Yeah, it's helping. Thanks," he said distractedly as I leaned back, resting my feet on the seat next to him, I might have brushed my foot up his leg accidentally on purpose.<br>We talked about random things until my phone rang interrupting us.  
>"Isabella Masen," I said annoyed that someone would call at ten o'clock at night, never mind the fact that they were interrupting my time with Edward. I only became more annoyed when I realized it was the director for the movie. She wanted to discuss details and dates of filming, which was starting next week. I was scheduled to be on set but it was dependent on how Charlie was feeling.<br>"You know I still like the sound of that," Edward said once I had hung up the phone. His voice was all low, sexy and shy.  
>"The sound of what?"<br>"Your name, Isabella Masen." He was staring into my eyes as he gently grabbed my foot, bringing it onto his thigh, rubbing circles on the inside of my ankle. I was rendered speechless, silently swooning and judging by Edward's blinding smile, he was proud that he'd reduced me to a blushing, stammering mess.  
>"Going somewhere?" Edward asked after a few minutes of rubbing and staring but no talking, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was charged. The air crackled around us with the same electricity we'd always had. The sparks flowed between us; I missed this with him, just being with him, his touch still sent tingles through my body.<br>"Yeah, Oregon for filming in two weeks. Want to come it could be fun?" I asked, loving the idea of having some time alone with him. He was so quiet, just staring at me; I felt stupid and started to ramble on, attempting to backtrack. "I mean when's the last time you got away, you know? And I know Portland isn't all that exciting or anything but it could be, maybe."  
>"You'll be there, that's enough."<p>

* * *

><p>So what is everyone thinking?<p>

P.S. Let's get this finished by Friday :)


	42. Chapter 42

Hi there!

Sorry for not having the time to reply to reviews but I read and loved them!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and my favorite!

* * *

><p>After the hot tub incident, things could have gone quickly. I could have pulled her over to me, making her straddle my lap and kissed her all over. I could have carried her upstairs, thrown her down on her bed and made love to her all night. I knew Bella wouldn't have objected she was feeling everything I was, but I wanted to do this right. I want to worship her, make her scream my name and I wanted time to just be with her without interruption. So to say I was excited to go away with Bella was a bit of an understatement. I was motherfucking ecstatic. It would give us some much needed privacy to work on us. We'd only had three days to reconnect and didn't want to waste a moment, but Bella was there to work.<br>After we checked in, Bella went right to work for hours while I took the time to relax before heading over to the inn where filming was taking place. We were invited to a dinner for all the cast and crew that night; it was the first time in years that we had gone somewhere as a couple. I was looking forward to being able to drape my arm across the back of her chair or rest my hand on her thigh.  
>Dinner went smoothly in spite of the young British actor, who joked that he needed to study my facial expressions and mannerisms to play his role right. We all laughed, the old Bella would have blushed something serious; it was common knowledge that Bella had based Robert, the main character after me. The new Bella was more carefree and laid-back than she used to be, it was different but refreshing. I was desperate to spend some alone time with Bella and wasn't above faking exhaustion to cut out of dinner early; luckily she played along and we ducked out before dessert.<br>We walked back to our room, hand in hand; we talked about her day, the actors and how useless she felt on the set but how excited she was to just be part of it all.  
>Arriving back at our room, awkwardness filled the air. The king size mattress looked so inviting with the pillows and fluffy down comforter. I was desperate to crawl into it with Bella, to wrap my arms around her and hold her close. I wanted her naked, as my hands touched her everywhere.<br>It was still early though and I equally liked the idea of talking and just being with her, we had spent too much time apart. I could never get tired of just relaxing with her. And tonight just didn't feel like the right time to move forward, at least not for me.  
>I followed Bella out to the porch and sat down next to her, luckily she seemed to be on the same page of no rushing.<br>"I missed the stars," she said looking up at the sky.  
>We sat rocking slightly on the bench. Bella put her bare feet in my lap, her not so subtle way of asking for a massage. I of course, obliged her. I loved touching her; I loved doing anything that involved touching her.<br>"They don't have stars in the city?" I asked, wondering if she was talking about something completely different.  
>"Well they're there but covered up by pollution, Renee said it was the one downfall of city living,"<br>Bella had spoken about Renee a few times, about their reunion and how it came about. I was quiet in my dislike of her mother but still rolled my eyes. In my opinion, Renee didn't deserve Bella's forgiveness or the right to know Anthony. It still baffled me that a mother could walk away from her daughter and grandchild but I would never stand in Bella's way when it came to her. I still didn't like it though.  
>"I missed your smile," I said trying to discreetly change the subject. I moved my hands from her feet up her calves, she always had the softest smoothest skin.<br>"I missed everything about you," she said with a smile so bright. She had told me that a few times but I could hear it a million more times.  
>Much like the first time we talked out on a balcony a few weeks back she stood up from her seat and walked to me, straddling my lap.<br>"I really, seriously missed your lips." He raised her face to mine, her body shifted against mine stirring a deliciously unwanted reaction, her lips parting so slowly just before she kissed me. The kiss progressed slowly at first, but quickly became deep, my hands rubbed her back while her hands grabbed my hair.  
>It was a perfect moment. One of those moments you would want to remember, relive over and over. I wanted remember everything about this kiss, the smell of damp woods that surrounded us, the cool air against my exposed skin, the way her breath hitched just before she leaned in put her lips to mine.<p>

It was a moment in my life that I would never forget.

* * *

><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

So this is it, posting a two part epi!

See ya tomorrow!


	43. Chapter 43

Hi there!

Thanks to my amazing beta dolphin62598.

And MoDunk for prereading and my favorite!

* * *

><p>From the moment I heard Edward call me beautiful girl in that bookstore I thought we could work, we could make it work. Well maybe not right away, because that weekend was hands down<p>

one of the worst and most awkward of my life. I just didn't think it would be so hard but fuck, it really had been. We coasted through the first six months together with permanent smiles

plastered on our faces but then shit got real again. Those were Edwards's words after I 'nagged' him to pick up his clothes. We went from barely speaking for years to in love within weeks and

even though we talked all the time, I still felt some lingering resentment towards and from Edward whenever I asked him to do anything.

I tried not to say anything, tried to act like something wasn't wrong but I snapped when I was told to quit my bitching when Anthony and Edward left a major mess in the kitchen. I was tired of

letting his little remarks and digs go so I threw a plate full of cookies at him and screamed craziness until I felt better only I didn't feel any better. After that, we decided that couples therapy

might be a good idea, and it really was. We both learned the right way to say things without offending and nagging. Since then things have been amazing.

Sometimes I'd wake up and look over at his face and smile, even now, years after we got married the first time, he is the most handsome man I had ever seen. Do we still argue about cleaning

the house or laundry? No, we have someone do it for us but we do argue. This time, though, I haven't left; I don't run away thinking I would be better off without him because now I know that

without him nothing is as good

When the urge to run because the mundane, small town life really gets to me, I leave. It's selfish but I always come back. He says he understands that sometimes I just need some space,

sometime in the city to visit friends, shop and be free. He says take a week, that he'll take care of Anthony and be there when I come back; it's times like that when I realize how incredibly lucky

I am to have him in my life.

I try to be a supportive, loving person in return. I have pushed Edward to go and do the things we always wanted to do but never had the money or time to do. I listen as he vents or bounces

ideas around about work and I try my hardest not to roll my eyes whenever he brings up his friends.

"Do you miss it here?" Vicki asked.

"No, I miss the good restaurants and Dean and Deluca and sushi but other than that no," I answered honestly. Wherever Anthony and Edward were was where I wanted to be, no matter how

much I missed little things like food and coffee.

"And me, you miss me," Vicki said with a fake pout.

I didn't make a habit of taking advantage of Edward's generosity, but I had to meet with my agent and editor. I missed my best friend like crazy, too.

"And you, yes, I miss you."

"I thought so," she said with a smile. "How's Forks?" I watched as she cringed just saying our hometown name but I knew how she felt.

"It's great, you know Anthony loves it there and I get to be around Charlie, Liz and Ed. I didn't know what I was missing until I was back with my family again." I felt silly just saying that

because I left everything and everyone behind only to go home again and realize what a mistake I had made.

"And Edward?"

"He's perfect," I said with a huge smile; I couldn't hide my happiness.

"Of course he is, always has been," she flipped her hand and rolled her eyes playfully. I nodded in agreement because he was literally the most perfect man on the planet, and he was mine. I

knew how lucky I was to have him back in my life and wouldn't ever take him for granted again.

"I kind of thought he would have asked you to marry him again, because it's Edward and that shit means a lot to him." I just laughed her off but I wasn't going to deny the fact that I was

surprised that almost two years later he hadn't because like Vicki said that shit does mean a lot to him.

"Well you did break his heart like thirty seconds after you got married the first time so maybe he doesn't want to go back there again."

"We were married for two years, not thirty seconds," I said defensively. It might have been true but I didn't need my best friend to point it out.

"And for those two years, how long were you happy? Aside from Anthony, because I'm not talking about him, he's perfect," she said with a smile and she was right my son was perfect or that

was what I told everyone.

"Whatever, things have changed. I've changed and I think I have proven it."

"You have but give him time, it's only been two years, some couples are together a lot longer than that and still aren't engaged. Plus you've been busy with the movie and the book."

"I know," I sighed.

"Have you had anymore exciting run-ins with his friends?" We both laughed because my first two encounters with Emmett and Rosalie were disasters.

"Ahh no, I think that ship sailed. I just wish that we could get along but after that shit with Rose last time, it's just not going to happen."

"That was priceless; I wished I could have been there. It's not often that you are left speechless it's not her fault that you can't take a joke," she raised her eyebrows and laughed after I threw a

piece of my bagel at her.

Vicki laughed her ass off just like when I gave her the play by play of dinner with Edward's coworker and wife. She especially loved the part where Rose started speaking slowly when reading her

menu to her son then gave one-word answers to anything I asked or said. I didn't get it immediately but then I realized that she was doing that in response to something I had said to Edward

years ago.

After a cookout, I insulted her, called her illiterate and a horrible mother. I deserved her nastiness, I wasn't denying that but I didn't see the point of trying to get together again because nothing

was going to change. Luckily, Edward understood where I was coming from and agreed but I hated that, yet again, something I said years ago was coming back to bite me in the ass.

"You could always ask him, you know," Vicki suggested out of nowhere.

"Ask him what?"

"Ask him to marry you," she suggested like it was the most common thing in the world; I laughed hard enough that my cappuccino shot out of my nose.

"Oh come on you are a strong, independent woman; if any girl could ask their ex-husband to marry them again it's you," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not nearly romantic enough to live up to Edward and all the sweet things he has done over the years."

"You're Isabella freaking Masen, you're sooooo romantic," she said mocking me. "You have millions of girls swooning over a celibate vampire, which is some crazy bullshit, by the way."

"Don't hate," we both, laughed because Vicki had been teasing me for years about my virgin vampire.

"I'm just sayin'."

"Well don't say anything. How's the new guy working out?" I asked trying to change the subject.

Not even Vicki's ridiculous love life was enough to take my mind off the whole thing. Suddenly my mind was consumed with thoughts of white dresses and happily ever after, again. Logically, I

knew that two years together was nothing at all but I had never been one for logic and now I wanted a ring on my finger and Edward as my husband, again.

So once I was home again, I made it my mission to covertly coerce Edward into proposing to me and after two long years nothing. I tried grand gestures like a major camping trip that failed to

bring about what I constantly thought about. I arranged sweet nights together that brought about nothing except incredible sex, not that I was complaining. We were still just Edward and Bella,

not husband and wife.

Now I had the grandest grand gesture of all time in the works; better than a silly trip or dropping little hints. I wanted to show him how much he meant to me, how much I wanted him to be

happy and have everything he'd never wanted. They say money can't buy happiness and Edward never wanted anything extravagant, but the second the thought popped into my head, I knew it

was perfect. Hopefully all the money and time spent planning would help me get remarried. I could have acted like an adult and put all the communication techniques that we spent good money

on to use but that would have been too simple.

So after two and a half long years later, my grandest grand gesture was just about finished and I was thinking up the best way to show it to Edward. Nothing seemed good enough and my brain

wasn't as sharp as it usually was. I wanted to show him, bring him to the spot I had spent so much time creating, but I wanted it to be special. And I really wanted him to realize that he loved

me so much that he couldn't live another moment without being my husband again and propose on the spot. I wasn't asking for too much.

Little did I know that I didn't need a grand gesture or a grandest grand gesture because for the second time in my life I was pregnant and not married.

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><p>Love it? Hate it?<p>

The second epi will be up tonight :)


	44. Chapter 44

Hi there!

Sorry for not replying but my in-laws are on their way over and I figured everyone would rather an update instead!

So this is it... Enjoy!

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><p>How's my boy?"<p>

"I'm going to have a brother or sister," Anthony said the moment we walked into Charlie's house. He was wasn't thrilled and did a sarcastic finger twirl along with his announcement; apparently

he was too old for a sibling.

Charlie's face went from happiness because we were visiting to shock over Anthony's nonchalant announcement of our second unplanned pregnancy to amusement. He had expected to hear all

about our impromptu trip not about Bella being pregnant again.

"Don't sound too happy," he lightly slapped Anthony's shoulder, letting him have his favorite recliner in spite of the gruff attitude. My eight-year-old son just grunted and changed the channel.

From the moment we picked him up from school and told him our good news, he's been a little standoffish.

"You two obviously haven't learned a thing about safe sex or you know, waiting for marriage," Charlie said while walking towards us. He was pretending to be disappointed but he was

unsuccessfully hiding his smile.

"Ahh but this time we are already married!" My wife said holding up her left hand and wiggling her fingers, flashing her wedding band.

"You lying? My heart can't take it," he joked, holding his hand against his chest.

"Dad that's not funny," Bella playfully pushed her father but laughed her loud, adorable laugh that I loved.

"Neither is messing with a sick, old man."

"You're not even fifty and we went to Vegas," Bella explained, rushing out the last part. We both wanted to avoid the flack that we'd received from my parents.

"I'm just saying would it kill you to get married then have a baby? You write about the old-fashion values, try living them. What the hell happened to you?" He asked theoretically.

"I wasn't raised right," Bella said with a sly smile.

This little exchange between them was entertaining but I knew at some point I would be getting that 'make my daughter happy or else' speech that I had heard years before. This time though I

knew more, knew myself and Bella better. We'd grown up together and apart and came back together again. I knew what it was to lose her and this time around, I would fight for her, for my life

because without her there was nothing. Bella, Anthony and this new baby were my life.

"Very funny, and what do you have to say for yourself?" Charlie asked finally looking at me.

Considering I had been through this whole unplanned pregnancy then marriage thing with him before one would think that I would be a little less nervous and a little more prepared but I wasn't.

My father in law still had the power to make me sweat and stutter.

"Well yeah, we got married and ah, we are having a baby so," I said rubbing the back of my head.

"And you got married in Vegas?" Charlie interrupted because I sounded like a fool. "Who does that? Didn't either of you think that maybe your parents would want to be there?" He asked the

both of us, just as my parents had hours ago.

"Well sir, it was a-" I started but thankfully was cut off.

"Oh stop it; you were there the first time. This time was for us."

Bella told him all about how she was the one to propose, making us all laugh but Charlie was practically bent over, holding his stomach. It wasn't that funny.

Honestly, I was too shocked over the whole pregnancy thing to ask and truthfully, I didn't think I would have. I assumed that Bella wasn't exactly pro marriage, especially since Renee was

swiftly approaching her second divorce. Apparently I was wrong and she had been dropping hints over the last few years. I had missed those because I would have asked and remarried her long

before now. She continued on, telling him how we decided to pull Anthony out of school and hopped on the first flight to Vegas.

Charlie laughed, joking about us getting married by Elvis.

Of course we didn't. In honor of Bella's books, we went with a vampire theme wedding complete with Dracula as our pastor. The whole thing said cheesy and fun, and it was but our vows, the

words we said to one another, there was nothing funny about that.

I will never forget a moment of it all how her hands felt in mine, how tears welled up in my eyes as she said, "I want to tie myself to you in every way imaginable, again. But this time when I say

forever I mean it; I can make those promises now and mean them with every fiber of my being." And I vowed to love her endlessly, make her laugh daily and be there always because there was

nowhere else I would ever want to be.

"I'm happy for you two but you break his heart again and you'll have to answer to me," Charlie said completely serious as he slung his arm over my shoulder with his eyes on his daughter. I was

shocked, but hell I'd take it; it was nice to know that I had Charlie on my side this time around.

"Talk a walk with me," Bella asked before I had a chance to shut my door.

We were alone and the last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk; I just wanted to spend the rest of the day and night in bed with my bride. Charlie offered to keep Anthony for the night so we

could celebrate since we weren't going on a honeymoon any time soon. Both Bella and I quickly agreed because the two days we spent in Vegas were with Anthony, not that having him there

was a bad thing but it didn't afford us much alone time.

"Wouldn't you rather go inside and celebrate?" I asked suggestively, wanting her sweaty and naked, not sweaty from hiking.

"Stop it," Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me to a path that I had had never been down.

The walk was longer than I imagined, Bella wasn't an outdoorsy kind of girl so this hike was surprising. I had been carrying her for the last fifteen minutes because she claimed she was fat and

tired. It was nice to know that the moment she found out she was pregnant all her original pregnancy symptoms popped up.

"Can you see anything?" Bella asked from behind me.

Besides tree after tree, there wasn't anything to see, except that we were approaching a clearing, which I didn't even know existed but that was how vast the property was.

"Let me down." I dropped her immediately. I wasn't as young as I once was and carrying her almost a mile was just about my limit.

"Now close your eyes," Bella said taking my hand. I did as she asked, knowing how excited she was over whatever she had to show me. My only hope was that it wasn't another 'exciting'

camping trip. I wasn't in the mood to build fires with so much as a lighter or sleep on the ground under stars so we could have the 'authentic' camping experience, rain and all.

"You sure you're ready for this?" she asked, I could hear the enthusiasm in her voice.

"Oh I guess," I opened my eyes and they immediately landed on my beautiful bride with her arms wide open and an enormous smile. Then I saw it, her surprise.

"What do you think?" she asked.

My mouth hung open as I took it all in. There were no words.

She had built me a fucking racetrack and not some tiny little thing but a professional grade track. Complete with a spectator's fence, a starting gate with lights so I could ride at night, if I wanted

to and an announcer's tower. And there was a motherfucking concession stand, who can say that they have one of those at home?

"What's all this?" I asked finally.

"Your dream," Bella answered quietly, she seemed so unsure of herself. Gone was the excitement she had the entire hike here. "I know I'm not a romantic kind of girl but it doesn't mean that I

don't love you because I do, I just suck at showing it." Bella started, taking a deep breath.

"You're the reason all my dreams came true and I wanted to make one of yours come true," my beautiful wife said looking sexy, shy and innocent. She was waiting for me to say something but I

had nothing, this was beyond fucking amazing.

"This is amazing baby, but you made my dreams come true the first time you married me and the second. You, Anthony and this new baby you are my dream."

Her gift was incredible but I needed her to realize that I would give up everything a million times over to be where we were right now.

"I know that, but you gave up all your dreams of becoming a famous rider when we got pregnant forever ago and I couldn't think of a better way to thank you for all your sacrifices. I know you

haven't really rode in a while but-"

"You give me everything just by breathing," I cut her off, saying the words without thinking but they were true. They had always been true, even when we weren't together she was it for me.

"What's so funny?" I had to ask because I had just said some seriously sweet shit and Bella was laughing; and not just giggling but full on laughing.

"Nothing," she said trying to compose herself but that shit wasn't working.

"Nothing? You're laughing," I pressed on.

"It's just that my Robert would totally say something like that," she finally said. "I should write that down it would be perfect for my next book."

I had to laugh right along with her because I read her books, even when I wanted them to flop but yeah it was something he would have said.

"Your Robert? Do I have to remind you that your Robert is based off me?" I pulled her to me and kissed her lips then that special spot under her ear; effectively reminding her that I was her

Robert.

"No, you're my Edward; I don't need to be reminded," she moaned, leaning into me.

I liked the sound of that, that I was _her_ Edward. I liked it so much that wanted to show her with my hands, all night, in our bedroom.

"Come on." It was my turn to grab her hand and did some Houdini type shit so she was on my back again. I walked as fast as I could, but let's be real here, I ain't no superhero.

"You don't want to ride?" my beautiful bride asked with a giggle, she knew I did not intend to ride today.

"No I can ride whenever, thanks to you," I took her hand that was wrapped loosely around my neck and kissed the back of it.

I walked with her on my back the entire way that was how much I wanted her. And I didn't want to waste any more time. The moment we entered the house I had her shirt off, then her pants,

then my shirt, leaving a trail of clothes to our bedroom. I watched as Bella crawled naked to the middle of our bed, feeling like the luckiest motherfucker in the world

"Edward?" Bella whispered, looking fucking stunning lying back against the pillows just waiting for me to make love to her.

"What?" I replied, still unable to move or take my eyes off her.

"Come here."

"Oh sorry, I was dazzled,"II smirked knowing that I stole that line directly from her book.

"You're such an asshole."

"But you love me enough to build me a race track," I climbed onto the bed; wanting to cover her body with mine but also wanting to show her how much I worshipped her.

"I guess," she whispered looking down at me as I kissed the top of her feet, the insides of her ankles and her knees.

"And to have my baby again," I kissed her deeply, letting my hands roam.

"Yeah."

"And to spend the rest of your life with me," I swallowed hard; the feelings she ignited in me were overwhelming. She was my wife again, my forever again.

"Absolutely," Bella said with a smile. Both of moaned as I slowly pushed into her.

"Good because what you said about this being forever, "I'm holding you to that."

"Forever," she vowed for the second time in as many days.

And this time, I had no doubts.

Together forever, for always.

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><p>As always I'd love to know whatcha thought!<p>

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the long waits between updates but hopefully it was worth the wait! This story didn't bring in a million reviews buttt I got some seriously great ones so thank you times a million!

Amanda


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